Women should stay at home and be home makers.

amihere · Mar 15, 2010

Yesterday I was telling my DH that it’s been pretty looooong since I blogged, he said me not to stop blogging. But I was like “But what will I blog about?” Little did I know something was waiting for me.

I know most of you here are going to throw bricks at me for the blog title. But let me tell you what made me type those words. Today morning I was waiting for my office bus at the bus stop watching a small kid playing in the mud, suddenly I felt as if someone is staring at me. I turned and saw this lady with a cover in her hand looking at me curiously. I smiled at her and she came near me saying “Do I know you mole?” in Malayalam. So I replied her “I don’t remember seeing you, but nice meeting you.” The conversation that went on was like.

Lady: “What is your language?”

Me: “Malayalam”.

Lady: “I thought I know you from somewhere, where do you live? Where are you going?”

I was wondering whether to talk to a stranger, nevertheless I decided to go on till my bus came.

Me: “I live nearby, waiting for my bus. Where do you stay Aunty?”

Lady: “Just here” (showing a place with her index finger)”Now going to get milk and for a walk.”
Me: “Ok”.

Lady: “Are you studying?”
Me: (Wow!! I think my experiments are giving out results, she thinks I am a student hippie:2thumbsupBeing as down to earth as I can be(after all I was just praised) “No aunty, working”.

Lady: “Where do you work?”
I didn’t want to reveal everything about me so just answered with the place’s name.

Lady: “Are you married mole?”
Me: “Yeah, I am”

Lady: “Children?”
Me: “Not yetJ”

Lady: “Is your husband working?”
Me: “Yeah”
Now begins the reason for my above title.:rant

Lady: “Ladies should always remain at home looking after your DH and kids. Now it is ok for you since you don’t have any kids.”

After thanking God in mind for not giving her as my MIL I went on.
Me: “Isn’t it boring to be at home all 24hrs?”

Lady: “Once kids come you won’t know how the days pass by.”
May be, I don’t know, because I don’t have any firsthand experience he he

Lady: “I have a son he is married and settled in Bombay, works as Chief Editor for TOI”
Me(thinking): wow!!! So she must be really proud

Lady: “The sad thing is he lost his job recently, he resigned from TOI and set up a gift article shop. His wife is working.”

I was going to sympathize with her thinking he lost his job due to recession, but when I heard he pursued his dream I was happy at heart and that since his wife is working, till his business start to give profits, they will be financially well. But this was not how that lady was thinking.:notthatway: She then went on to say how much effort they had put in to make her son an editor, how can he throw up a job like that? I was going to say it will all be fine because he loves what he is doing now, but was shocked at her next words. “And to add to that she is going for work, why should she do that? Can’t she remain home and look after her kid? There are 5maids at home to look after the kid, but what is the use? Only the man of the family should work, because they can work 4times women can.”

(Hello don’t you know Kiran Mazumder, Indira Nooyi, SONIA GANDHI!!!?? I felt like giving her a nice punch for comparing men and women but considering her age I held me. I can’t stand this at all: comparison. I began praying for the bus to come fast, because I didn’t want to get into an argument early in the morning and my colleagues were already giving me puzzled looks) She continues………. “Both working is a waste; I agree there won’t be much money. But look at me, my DH went to work, he retired as the editor of Malayala Manorama, and I stayed home looking after our kids. So they are leading a good life now. So you should also consider resigning from your job”
What the hell? Who is she to say me? Anyway I said her “I don’t want to, I wanna work.”

Before she got a chance to further advise me upon the positives of staying home and raising the kids my rescue came, yes my bus and with “Bye ,bus came” I flew in escaping from her. Oops, when I gave a sweet smile I never thought I would curse myself for that.
Now you know I don’t agree at all with the above title. It is up to us to decide whether to stay at home or to work, who will know better than us whether we can work 4times to that of a man does or not? I don’t know why some people think so, you have any idea?:idea ?

Sheery · Mar 15, 2010

hello,

when i saw ur article i thought u were stirring up a hornets' nest. Well as a women myself I would not like being told what to do and what not to do. As u see each of us have different priorities in life and we all have different ways of leading life. Each woman have different way of seeing things in this modern world. Personally, i don't have anything against woman staying at home and being a homemaker. Nowadays, women are educated and independent and able to make their own decisions according to their needs. Yes, people do tend to give advice freely, even then all we have to do is listen and take what we want and let go of what we don't want. I really enjoyed reading ur article, so keep blogging. Take care.

Sheery

shivachoubey · Mar 15, 2010

Dear Ami,

Saddest part of life is that some women try to pull down other women. Just because this lady in question couldn't work she insists that other women should fall her steps.

I really felt angry towards this lady after reading your article but nevertheless, it was a damn interesting one. I was hooked to it from beginning till the end.

regards

SHiva

Amma15 · Mar 15, 2010

Dear Ami,

You ARE lucky, you dont have her as a MIL. What a woman! I believe the choice is ours to make. I did both - stayed home for 8yrs and got back to work when kids started school. And believe me women are better at multi tasking than men!
How many of us are experts at this routine - excercise, prayers, cooking, packing lunches, getting kids and ourselves ready, prepare for lectures, etc,etc and be on time for work! All of us!
Lovely post.

Love,
Usha

Meenupanicker · Mar 15, 2010

Dear Ami
After reading all your earlier blogs and threads I could guess the idea behind the blog may not be the literal meaning.But could not guess this dialogue from the wife of editor of a prominent news paper.She must be happy to have his DIL working so that his DS can pursue his dreams.What is this issue of 4 times work ?I could not understand on what basis.If women like herthink in this way what to blame about others.I agree with you Thank God she is not our MIL.

Once again a lovely write up with Ami touch after so many days
Thank you

Meenupanicker · Mar 15, 2010

Dear Ami
it became posted twice sorry .please delete this one

parusabari · Mar 15, 2010

Dear Ami,

Read ur post. It was gud to read. Perhaps the woman felt a daughter like figure standing in front of her and hence she poured out her woes. Or imagine from the crowd to pick only you.!!
There is nothing wrong in she giving advises as We are in a democratic country and everyone has to right to speech, now to rightly put right to blog hahaha.

Take her advises if you want or just ignore it without letting it trouble u. Perhaps she is right as 5 servants to look after child is a waste which cud be handled well if her dil was at home and managed with 1 servant. Is multitasking - keeping servants to manage our home when we are busy managing to make money so that our employers run their home.:idea.

Even running a corporate called as home is Difficult and requires hardwork and commitment.

A commited house wife.

Parvathi.

SriVidya75 · Mar 15, 2010

I have nothing much to say except for that..she was jsut rambling away...sometimes these old ladies they dont know how to strike a conversation..or it may also be that she was upset and disappointed when her son had resigned from a good job for which his parents had worked so hard to get him educated..so now as she cannot blame the son (usual MIL syndrome) ..who else she cand ivert her blame and attention to??? naturally the DIL of the house...so if she directs it to specifically DIL everyone would look at her as a monster MIL..so she can as well include all the working women of the world and point out..so that she can get the stuff off her chest

anyways I am happy too that your bus came even before you answered her good for you!!!

Shanvy · Mar 15, 2010

ami,

looks like you are a good listener. maybe the lady in question had to take care of the kid.

hey usually, homemakers are looked down upon. (I am one.), i have written my experience, to one blog by meenloch i think. for a change this was different..

not trying to hurt any sentiments.

going for a job or not is a personal choice. anyways you got a good topic for a blog...

corallux · Mar 16, 2010

What era is this lady in? People like her pull other women down.

Ultimately it is a woman's decision to work or not.

In this age of mortgages, bills etc, it is team work that wins.

I bet you, had this lady been working, she would not have hesitated to call homemakers "sponges."

As they say,"Grapes are sour."

Regards,

Corallux