Women Empowerment

Agatha83 · Jan 7, 2016

"I would not send a poor girl into the world, ignorant of the snares that beset her path; nor would I watch and guard her, till, deprived of self-respect and self-reliance, she lost the power or the will to watch and guard herself."

Anne Bronte

Being a Vaikunta Ekadesi day, the Perumal temple next to our house was teeming with huge crowds, standing in serpentine queues just to walk through the sorgavasal gates, a ritual which assures a sure place in heaven,for its sincere devotees.While I was enjoying the scene from the comforts of my balcony what with many cars finding hard to get a parking slot, one BMW which parked right near my house caught my attention , with an elderly couple trying to get out. The husband was dressed to kill with diamond rings decorating all his fingers, silk veshti, silk Kurtha and a flowing angavastram which was almost sweeping the road.

Parking his car just near our house he got out of the car like an emperor,with his head held high all the while giving a haughty look at all those miserable creatures waiting in the queue. Meanwhile the lady inside the car being of elephantine proportions struggled hard to get out of the car. As I was watching the show with amusement and pitying the condition of the lady, she finally got out of the car without any help but with great difficulty.I could see her decked in a grand Kanjeevaram Saree with diamonds adoring her from top to toe.The moment she got out and longingly looked at her husband for some appreciation for her Himalayan task,her sophisticated looking husband started hurling a string of abuses at the poor lady. He chided her for her unbridled passion in looking out for frequent outings even when her body refused to give in to her physical demands.His nasty remarks of her calling her a fatty and his insensitivity in abusing her in public took out all the sheen from those glittering diamonds decorating his fingers.He literally dragged her along the road while The poor lady walked meekly behind him without uttering a word of protest inspite of all the humiliation..Even the Gods inside the temple would not have blessed this man for his ruthlessness and uncouth behaviour. .

I imagined the opposite scenario. What if the husband was immobile and the wife had to help him out.I felt women were-better caretakers when it came to handling their spouses and were more patient and compassionate. Many times I have seen elderly women with arthritis ,sugar and other disabilities taking care of their bedridden husbands in hospitals without any outside help without a murmur. I have seen frail women catching hold of their husband’s hands and walking them through the wards, hospitals, streets even as her husband would be gazing at beautiful nurses unabashedly. .So why do men do not think twice before abusing their better halves in the public that too after spending considerable years together?

I remember an incident during a marriage function when the power supply suddenly went off. The bridegroom made a gaffe by sayin that he wouldn’t be able to find out his bride in the stark darkness as her black complexion matched perfectly with the pinching darkness.While everyone laughed at this remark I felt his comment was in poor taste and also very hurting .So why do men humiliate women in public places?

Another incident was one in a crowded bus in which I saw the brutal side of a human being. At a bus stop while the husband managed to get inside the bus quickly, the obese wife struggled hard to maneuver the steep steps of the footboard.I gave her a helping hand before the conductor could blow the whistle.After all this, the poor lady had to face a lot of criticism from her foul mouthed husband for her insatiable desire for outing .People around them just kept quiet minding their own business and the driver drove the bus cursing the crowds on the road.Why do men humiliate women in public?

In another incident I had a young software couple as my Neighbours. Even as I was getting ready to enjoy the unadulterated innocent romance between them, one day I was waken up from my deep slumber to loud noises,banging of the doors and screams of the young woman behind the closed doors. Imagining some thing worse I was getting ready to confront them the next day morning. Next day what I saw was unimaginable. They were walking hand in hands koochikooing sweet nothings right in front of me.There were many occasions when such incidents were repeated. I called my neighbours for help but they shrugged and said these things were just normal between a married couple.If beating the wife day and night is normal for many people, what kind of callous society are we living in.Why do men humiliate women?

These are the very few sights and fights that have come under my microscopic observation .But there are still abuses which happen regularly at a large scale,many of them which are pushed under the carpet.

If one thinks divorce is a panacea for all such evils just have a look at the scores of family courts where cases drag on for years together with no solution.Always crowded there is no personal space for the women to discuss personal issues.
They have often have to wash dirty linen in the public sometimes dragging their children in to the fierce fighting. Many times the absence of husband during proceedings drags the case indefinitely.Compromise, adjust are some of the routine words which the wife has to hear from her close family and friends.The society doesn’t take kindly to single women with children and there are just a few of success stories where women get mental and financial relief in such matters.

Many men are insecure by nature and try to retain power by controlling, manipulating and finally abusing a woman irrespective of the relationships he has with them.it may be his mother,his sister,his wife, his children or even his girl friend,but the desire to control ,possess and manipulate relationships is always there.

So what can be done to improve the status of women in a society. Women should learn to respect themselves before expecting it from others
Educate,empower and enlighten your physical,mental and financial prowess. When it comes to throwing your self respect to winds, never take things lying down and fight tooth and nail to persevere and succeed.

Children will learn from you about self respect and the future generation will be one that treats women in a respectable fashion.There should be more women self help groups which can offer legal help and also offer counseling to the battered women. While we are ready to cheer up the ipl,20 a team always struggling hard to make runs, for women who fight for their rights there is hardly any support, help or any emotional back up from anybody. So let us create a society where a woman is respected for what she is and never outcaste her for going against the societal norms!

This is Bharathi kanda Pudumaip Penn:
"Nimirntha nannenjum naer konda paarvaiyum
Nilathinil yaarukkum anjaatha nerigalum
Thimirntha gnanach cherukkum iruppadhaal
Semmai maadhargal thirambuvathillaiyam."

“With upright heart and steadfast look and ideals that are not afraid of anyone in the world- the woman does not falter as she has the possession of wisdom.”

Rith · Jan 7, 2016

Fantastic snippet Agatha ji. You have narrated well the mind of every sleeky timid women in front of the gigantic dinosauric men in day to day life. I have seen similar examples and I wonder why they still remain silent with tear droplets in the eyes fighting against the gravity not to fall down.
I didnt mean to fight back. Why not to try speaking their part of justice.
I remember an incident. A wife kept on reminding her husband to get rice as it gonna get over but he forgot everyday. One day rice was over. Wife told him the case. He went out and got the rice bag. Wife forgot to to get the money for gas cylinder from her husband. She manage to pay from her savings and informed her husband once he is back from work. He scolded her for forgetting to colelct money. And he confessed that he scolded so that next time she wont do the mistake. I got really angry. If forgetting is a crime then what punishment should have been given to him. Forgetting once is a crime according to him. Then what about multiple reminders his wife gave for a fundamental need.
So what is making the difference? Since he is a gene of Adam? Who said yelling is a mannerism of man? Did the creator confess
I would say Women empowerment is in the hands of every woman and not on government. No need to fight back or no need to argue at the first step. But dont step back in case you need to move to next step when your rights were demolished just because you are a woman.
Fighting back is not against the culture right?I always think just like net neutrality why cant we come with human neutrality. no gender discrimination. No bossy man, no timid woman.
If women not getting respect, then let them take it on their own. As you said, only then her kids learn to respect their fellow human, be it man or woman

Wonderful snippet Agatha ji. Keep writing more!!

Agatha83 · Jan 7, 2016

Dear Rith,

Thank you for your first powerful comment here . Yes, there are many husbands who refuse to part with money for the gas refill even after repeated reminders from the wife, and there are husbands who do not give his earning wife some pocket money for her own expenses.The problem is women are mute and do not want skirmish in daily life.So women have to fight themselves for their basic rights,even if it is against the societal norms!

vaidehi71 · Jan 7, 2016

Thanks a lot for the nice snippet.

Well a lot needs to change with the perception of the society..
It is changing and will change in future as well..

Regards,
Vaidehi

umaakumar · Jan 7, 2016

Dear Agatha,

Your writing was super.

Women need empowerment.
Many women bear the abuse silently. If they go to their elders and say they are abused, Parents advice their daughters to bear it and say time will heal things. The entire society needs to change. Men need to change their outlook. They should look at women as their equal and respect them.

I had a friend who got married and the third day into the marriage she came and said her husband is behaving strangely. He was getting into anger fits for no reason and beating her. Her parents instead of confronting this guy told her things will get better and sent her back. She went back. After about 8 months when she and her husband came to her house for a function, his anger fits started and he abused her in front of her parents. Then the parents realized what she was saying was true and something was wrong. On speaking to his parents they understood that this guy had a mental problem.

Most parents/ society do not want to find fault with guys. Every guy is brought up with this attitude. They always mostly think the women are at fault that is why we see women bearing this kind of abuse silently. They have no other option. We can see horrible things happening in smaller towns and villages, where women are not educated. We still see girls getting married at an age of 14-15 .

It is going to take years and years for the society to change where women are respected.

I am happy we are seeing change happening in many fronts. But to see the massive shift is going to take really long.

Agatha83 · Jan 7, 2016

Dear Vaidehi,
I also wish the same but more then men,it is women who have to change,realize their potential and get out of the societal norms imposed upon them, invisible chains which bind them for life.

Agatha83 · Jan 7, 2016

Dear Uma,

Thanks for your compliments. Many people consider girls as a burden, one to be quickly married off,many times treating her more of a guest.This perception is changing slowly and giving a daughter the best of the education has become a priority for many parents.
But it is pathetic to see parents turning a blind eye to the sufferings of their daughter,fearing being outcasted by the society, family and friends. So the best thing would be living life on her own terms, making intelligent decisions and stand up for any injustice heaped upon her.

satchitananda · Jan 9, 2016

Very well stated Agatha. Why do men abuse their wives in public?

Society supports such abuse. Parents (including the girls') support him. The son-in-law can do no wrong. The girls need to 'adjust'. Take the example of the wedding reception where the lights went off. What if it had been the other way round and the bride had made such a comment about the bridegroom in public? Would ANYONE have tolerated it or laughed to encourage her?

jayasala42 · Jan 10, 2016

Very well written, Agatha.If beating and insulting girls in public are common, bearing it in silence, as though it is the norm, is more common.My friend who was a public speaker used to give series of lectures on'women empowerment' quoting profusely from Bharathi's puthumai penn.It is regrettable that her case was no longer different from many other women.On many days her husband accompanied her for lectures and used to sit by her side when encomia were showered on her.
I was very close to her.I had asked her on so many occasions why she can't raise her voice at home while she is able to lecture so well.
Silently she replied that she thanked her husband that he gave her lot of practical lessons and thereby materials to talk about and it is this practical experience that has made her grow into a platform speaker.
This ugly exposure and calm perseverance are common in elite class.In slum areas also women support this male dominance and make a hue and cry in public when he starts beating her and never hesitates to give him back.
A strange 'Aayiram kaalathu payir-a plantation that has to last for thousand years.
This male dominance is equally predominant in Western countries also.
I for myself have thought about it on so many occasions.My observation is though women talk a lot about'women empowerment', they in their heart of hearts like male dominance, that is why MIL-DIL problems continue till this day.It is women who bring up the male children with so much care giving a partial treatment.
Ask any educated girl ready for marriage.She prefers a more educated bridegroom earning at least a few hundred rupees more than her.She thinks that the male member should have a higher qualification, higher official status.

In modern times mothers have started teaching boys from the beginning to treat girls with respect and the rate of abuse is definitely getting reduced but in a slow rate. habits die hard.The temperament that has been built for generations has genetically evolved and it make thousands of years to find a perceptible change.

Many find fault with ManuDharma Sastra. Though much is talked about'male dominance' by Manu, there are more passages about the respect women deserve ,which are rarely quoted.
Any change can't be dramatic.When the absolute change takes over, which we may be able to see during our life time,may not be welcome and there may be a revolt again.
In animals or birds such dominance is not perceptible.In some species females are dominant.Males take care of the young ones for months together.
What is to be blamed? Is it the 'intelligence' that human beings are endowed with? Is it the reasoning that we are gifted with?Are we to tolerate the impact of'evolution'.
We can write pages and pages in journals;but nothing seems to work. No conciliation, no coercions, no laws, no punishment-have a positive impact .
Till time favours, watch silently trying to move the stone inch by inch.

Jayasala 42

Agatha83 · Jan 10, 2016

Dear satchi.
As you have pointed out rightly the society sits tight when it comes to dealing in cases of women's abuse. Can't blame the parents also because they would like to spend the rest of their life in peace and not mediating warring couples. The bride dressed in all her finery would not dare to do such a thing in public lest the groom cancels the marriage and runs away with the next beautiful girl waiting in the queue!!

Agatha83