Women - Do we have an identity for ourselves?

Exactly, women have to confident otherwise they fall prey to victim mentality and then cause trouble for themselves and people around them

Be brave
be confident
love yourself because that is pre requisite to loving humanity in general

 

Hi iNDU,

This is a great thread that you have started.

But first thing that each woman should do is have her own definition of "Identity" as this would differ from person to person.

For some it maybe to make a successful career, for another it maybe to make a successful home....so first identify in which area you would like to make your identity and then work towards it.

If i give my example...when i got married i and my husband had a mutual understanding that i will not be a complete door mat...i was working but i gave up that job as it was asking for long working hours and in the initial stage of marriage i didn't want to work long hours , but get to know the members better. So you can't call this being submissive as it was my decision. Then i started helping out my husband in his business, starting with a couple of hours in the afternoon...my MIL was not very happy abpout it but still i continued, albeit after completing all my household duties...so they didn't have a chance to complain as i was doing it in my spare time....today i am into lot of activities...but never miss out on homefront and my husband also helps him whenever he finds time...we both are each others driving force.

Inshort, to create your own identity...you don't have to shout from the rooftops...but it can be done in a suttle manner too.

Roopa.

 

DearSoaringspirit,
Hats off to you. Well said. Well meant. Excellect. kanaka

 

Thanks Kanaka. You are being generous!

I must admit that it took me a LONG time to get the "take charge of your life" attitude and I still sometimes slip backwards and have to remind myself to get back on track.

I will tell you though that this change of attitude has brought IMMENSE positive things in my life. I don't feel helpless or angry when things don't happen as per my expectation - be it at home, with relationships, at work or socially. Because I know that I have the power to change things.

It has also helped bring a positive change in my husband's behavior towards me since he no longer sees me as a "needy" person. He sees that I can take care of my needs most of the times and I solicit help from him when I really need it without overly depending on him. I think it sort of relieves them of an unsaid and unseen "burden".

Anyway, enough said.

SS

 

I totally agree with you Roopa.

It is first important for every woman (whatever her situation in life) to define her own sense of identity. Identity is synonymous with "Priorities in Life" in this context.

Very good point, Soaringspirit. This definition of our own identity and what will make us the happiest (rather, what proportion of home, career, money, activities will work the best for us) will help us set a goal towards achieving that proportion. We must also remember that other womens' recipes of happiness could be different from ours - so just because they have a bigger dosage of career or tennis playing in their formula of happiness than we do, we can't put them down as "irresponsible", and if they have a higher percentage of husband, kids, family, relationships in their formula than we do, we should not assume that they are unhappy or are "sacrificing" against their will. It is as much a matter of choice for them as it is for us.

Sunita

 

Hi,
First of all i want to know what is identity. Is that u should be known by your name?,Profession, personality or Mrs.so...and so
We by nature subtle and submissive and brought up in such a manner we r born for others and dependent always on father, hubby, or child or grandies in olden days. By this brain wash, we find it safe to be always under someone's shadow.why confront? do whateverr likes and by keeping them happy and satisfying their ego, we arrive at pseudo happiness. But unconsciously we long for our own identity. someday or other something should happen according to our likes, wishes and desires. when that wonderful day will come?
Jayashree:cheers

 

hi,

Its a good and interesting thread.
For me, creating my identity would mean doing things that i agree with and am comfortable doing. If i want to be a homemaker or an office goer, that should be something that i should be able to decide on my own keeping in mind what i would be comfortable and happy doing.

As a person, i am the sort who likes to please every1 around me. If they are happy, i am also happy. that doesnt mean that i will do things which i am not happy doing just to make them happy. I will compromise on certain things to the extent that i wont be uncomfortable doing them. Like with my in-laws, i didnt know cooking before marriage or keeping house. i had never done any work when i was at my mother's place and was quite ignorant abt such things...i didnt even know how to close the pressure cooker - yes, THAT ignorant!!

Initially, it started off with trying to please my in-laws, i started learning cooking and keeping house and in the process i discovered i was doing it ONLY becose i wanted to learn and also enhance my capabilities.
Today, i am an excellent cook which my in-laws acknowledge and i run my house like i have been doing it for years!!! i have been married for 4 years. i am proud of myself today and so are my inlaws which makes me double happy!

So i suppose i have created an identity for myself - my identify is that i will do things to please others and also myself.