Women – A Backbone Of Burden

Women – A Backbone of Burden

As a man, anything I am going to write about woman is going to be clichéd. It is because we are conditioned by how we are brought up in the society as men and women. I grew up in the eighties, and my views about women are definitely going to be different to the one who is brought up in the 21st century. I look up to my mother, my wife and women in workplaces and public life, and form my judgments. So do others. We typecast women, and many women do fit into such stereotypes as they too are brought up and conditioned by the society around them. I live in a part of India, which is growing by leaps and bounds whereas there lays another part of India which is wallowing in mediocrity. Whichever side we look into, one thing is certain that women get a raw deal as compared to men. I am not even going to talk about the regressive Khaps and the gruesome rapes. Even without broaching about these areas, women are viewed either as a burden or taken for granted even if they are indeed a backbone to every family setup.


Talking about Sexual harassment, there is a feeling that it may never be curbed and it will be difficult to stand up to it in a regressive patriarchal setup like ours. Not only in workplaces, even within the household, has a woman faced sexual harassment. It becomes very difficult when such harassment is caused to her by nearest relative or known person. To compound to her problems, domestic violence towards women has become an accepted part of our way of life. Even a man in public life is judged by how he controls his wife. He is made to feel timid and unmanly, if his wife is seen as asserting herself. A woman too tiptoes the orthodox line, as she is brought up that way and sees nothing wrong. She accepts that as the way of life, and that is where the danger lies. If she crosses the line, she will be viewed as crossing the line, which is a taboo. This does not only happens to a woman, who is a homemaker, but also to working women. Why, even women who are IAS officers face domestic abuse over trivial issues of dowry. In fact, more the qualifications, more the amount of dowry. An MBA claims dowry in lakhs compared to a graduate who can claim a dowry in thousands. That is what modern day education in India does to you. It increases your stakes rather than enhancing your wisdom. On the other hand, have you seen a husband and wife working in tow at construction sites picking up bricks and doing all kind of manual labor? In the night, the woman feeds her husband and children and they all sleep under her calming presence.


I remember going to my wife’s house before marriage as soon as we got engaged. My fiancée prepared dosas for me, while my father-in-law kept me in good spirits. My mother was very happy at the decision taken by us for this arranged marriage, as my would-be-wife was a good cook and homely. I don’t blame my mother, as she is conditioned to believe that way. What would have happened, had my wife brought a box of pizzas and served to us, dressed in casuals? Perhaps, I would have rejected her. That was nine years ago. Today, I love my wife to be wearing casuals and having a bite of pizza with me. So, what could have not been okay with me before marriage suits me now! I expect appreciation, when I do something for my family, but take my wife for granted. If she is the backbone of our family, it is her duty to be so. Such is the perception in every family.


As a daughter, a woman is conditioned to love her parents and her brothers and sisters. She develops friendship with girls but her relationship with boys is always subject to scrutiny. She loves her husband, her children and grand children. A professional woman also respects her bosses and manages her colleagues. Does she always get back the love and respect that she gives to all? The society always views it as her duty and treats women as granted. That is why, when it comes to children, even a woman prefers male child as she does not want her child to be a second grade citizen. Modern Science may have proved that men are also equally responsible for infertility in many cases. However, the society expects women to be fertile and deliver children


Arguments between a husband and wife are bound to happen, but when it becomes personal and a kind of sarcasm enters into the arguments, it poses danger to the relationship. A husband views it as his right to slap his wife and becomes rude in front of growing up children. Children, both boys and girls imbibe the values and inherit the traits of their parents, so this vicious chain of behavioral tendencies continues. Domestic violence and marital rapes are disturbing issues that need to be debated. The government justifies its decision not to include marital rape as a sexual offence in the Criminal Law Amendment Ordinance, 2013, saying that this could weaken the institution of marriage, but admitted that it was still grappling with the tricky issue of failed live-in relationships where an ex-partner is accused of rape committed under the false promise of marriage.
Girls in my vicinity take pride in wearing shorts and turn to Facebook and Twitter and view this as their way of independence. But the thought of their impending marriage is a scary prospect for them, as their views are bound to take second place. It is okay for a man to smoke and drink in public, but think when it happens to be a woman in man’s place. I do not advocate smoking and drinking but wish to highlight the standards how we judge women in our society. On one hand, women are vulnerable of facing attacks at home and away, while on the other hand, we also see stray reports of women faking rape or abduction to score points. Both ways, women are victims of the trappings of our society. Many advocate women to be armed with pepper sprays when they go out to protect themselves as we have failed as a society to secure her. On the other hand, I would advise men to carry pepper sprays and protect women when they are attacked.


Some would argue that the women are treated as "Dalits" in most of the families. To alleviate her sufferings, many even clamor for 33% reservation for women. This is akin to the reservation for the Scheduled Castes and tribes that has only deepened the divide within our society, rather than uplifting them. Women who climb up the ladder in such an environment behave more like autocratic males rather than themselves. This does not do any good to herself, women and the society.


The peace of mind that she earns out of her life cannot be bought by even the proposed 33% reservation in Parliament which is a sham. She need not be a top business executive or a politician but allowed to be what she is – a Woman. To be a woman is to give her space, independence, creativity and love her for what she is

 

hi Moumita

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suresh