Women’s Empowerment

Talks about women empowerment has been gaining strength over the years, but the decibel level turns high on the International women’s day. A bright smile lights up our faces, looking at the substantial achievements of women, particularly those belonging to the lower strata of society, breaking the glass ceiling of the male bastion. But the unending news about violence committed by the male fraternity – stalking, murder, abuse, mindless violence, the list is endless, extinguishes whatever euphoria we feel about women empowerment.

Are women really empowered in taking decisions when it comes to their marriage? Scores of suicides committed by young couples, unable to withstand societal pressures due to their belonging to different caste or status levels, speak a different but sad story. Many a marriage turns sour due to infinite reasons-but when a woman is empowered, both mentally and financially, she can conquer her helplessness in dealing the situation and continue to live in dignity.

So here I present one of my first snippet I wrote about women empowerment under the title ‘Conditional marriages “ in this forum, which got rave reviews and countless nominations! For those who are new in this forum, here I present my old snippet, to have a glimpse of my views on marriage and empowerment!

“Recently while enjoying a humorous talkshow on the TV, I was taken back when an eminent person belonging to the film fraternity whose talk till then was sprinkled with humour suddenly took a serious turn. The cause was some one from the audience asking his opinion about young girls of marriageable age, putting unreasonable conditions before marriage. I could feel the speaker's BP rising when he shouted at all those invisible young women, putting silly conditions at potential grooms, due to which many eligible young men were made to wait the long queue for the D day. "When are you girls going to get married, in your 60s or 80's", he roared and thumped his fists in anger. It suddenly became a serious issue and no laughing matter!

The star of the talk show pulled down those potential women brides for taking such disastrous decisions (which I felt was taken in their own interests) while they were in the process of choosing a partner. He said it was those conditions which broke up alliances right at its nascent stage. He asked all the young men eager to tie the knot,to wake up from their lethargy and to put an end to such nonsense even to the extent of cancelling official engagements or marriages. For the viewers this show was all the more dramatic with a good deal of cheers and some emotional tears thrown in between. Tsk!Tsk!

I remember my 70-year-old grand mother carrying my horoscope, walking to the potential grooms house in the hot burning sun, in her worn out Hawaii chap pals, hopping and changing three buses to reach their destination only to be told bluntly that the alliance was already fixed. Not even the basic courtesy of offering a cup of water or a few kind words. Many times I stood speechless at her pitiable plight but mad as she was in her search for a groom for me, she ignored such indignant treatments and moved on to her next target. Why nobody shouted during those times when even basic courtesy norms was thrown to winds, when parents of eligible girls were made to run from pillar to post, just to finalise an alliance.

Years have rolled on and there are no more girl looking boy rituals, like presenting the girl in traditional attire along with sweet, kara, and coffee, asking her to do catwalks, prostrate before everyone including the boy, make her sing songs - in fact nothing a self respecting girl would have agreed to do. In fact she was treated more like a circus artist rather than a lifetime partner. All the tamasha at the cost of girls side including the train fares if the boy and his family resided in other part of India and all this in return with a simple postcard announcing the regret in finalizing the alliance. Dark complexion, lack of good looks, poise, charm, family background, poor financial status, these were simple excuses to turn away a girl. Her good education, her scholarly attitude, her impeccable character – valuable things which enrich life in the long run were just brushed aside. If the alliance turned positive, there were fish market bargains like dowry,a pair of diamond studs, diamond ring for the groom, 50 or 100 sovereigns of gold, swanky car, apartment, bank deposits? Even a daytime robber would have looked more decent!

There are a number of young married woman professionals – doctors,engineers and their likes who are forced to chuck their jobs at the insistence of their husbands when it comes to taking care of their kids.There are many women who have to fight for their rights for helping out their siblings in their studies financially or help their ailing parents by taking over their medical expenses, issues which have caused serious rift in marital relationships.

So what if a girl puts conditions that she will continue to work even after marriage or will help her parents financially? There may be a handful of men species who respect their wife’s altruism and support her wholeheartedly, but many of them are ready to chop her wings in her pursuit of freedom to do what she wants.Just one look at our great film actors will show how deep their bias is against women getting back in to their profession post marriage.

The present generation of girls are well educated and have a mind of their own. Their independent financial status with an excellent job gives the extraordinary courage and confidence which the girls of the previous generation lacked. Now the tables are turned and it is the girl who is seen giving orders and conditions. So what is the big deal? Why so much of hue and cry?

The day when every woman is recognized for her education, talent, courage, confidence and self respect by her husband, in-laws,and the society that is the day when any marriage can survive. Marriage is an unwritten contract between two individuals where the individual private space should be respected and adhered. It is not the quantity of years spent together between the husband and wife but it is the quality of relationship – where a woman is respected and treated with concern, shown genuine warmth, compassion, where she has the right to choose her friends, pursue her hobbies and where she is not used as a door mat or a sleeping partner. Amen!!!

 

Dear Monica,

You have put down your frustrations that come along with the modern swayamwaram, which is in vogue nowadays. I wonder how a marriage can be fixed within a matter of few seconds right in front of blazing cameras, the entire episode telecast live. There is a proverb in Tamil, that one can perform a marriage by telling 1000 lies, as shown in the film ‘ Manalkayiru’, but the repercussions the girl has to undergo post marriage,
is hardly given a thought by the parents!

Agatha83

 

Dear Rajeni,

What an outstanding feedback you have given with an added bonus of an awesome video! As you have rightly pointed out, many times our parents become our villains when it comes to marriage. After 30, the precious little darling of the household becomes an additional burden. In case of an inter caste marriage, the daughter becomes an outcast, fearing the repercussions from the society. Unless a girl is mentally strong, it is very hard to face the harsh realities of married life, given the patriarchal social system she has to deal with.
As in the west, neither we do have easy legal recourse, nor a convenient social security system, when it comes to opting out of an abusive marriage. That’s why I feel it’s all the more important for a woman to prepare herself thoroughly, and meet the challenges bravely with her chin up!
Agatha83

 

Dear GK,

I wish women retain their feminine intuition, but at the same time have the masculine physical strength, to stop those creepy, lecherous hands of men, rather then bearing things silently! It’s time mothers sensitised their children about their strengths and weaknesses and teach them to treat everyone with respect.

Agatha83

 

Dear Viji,

Call it Almighty’s grace, destiny, or fate- getting a good life partner is surely not in our hands. I am extremely happy about your marriage, because not many women are fortunate in marriage. Yes, we try our best to make marriage a success, which involves immense patience, tolerance and forgiveness, which has to come from both the partners.

There are scores of women struggling in an unhappy marriage silently, with no help forthcoming either from their parents, friends or the society. Be it the police or the lawyers, everybody counsels to continue the relationship with an abusive husband. That’s why I feel every woman has to be empowered both financially and emotionally!

I remember you were the first to nominate my thread when I was new to this forum and I always remember it with gratitude. Carry on with all the good things you are doing now. Thanks a lot Viji!