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With Love To The Indian Grandparents Visiting the US – Varalotti In The US 7

Discussion in 'Wednesdays with Varalotti' started by varalotti, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    More On The Networking Suggestion

    Thanks Kamla and all the ILites for appreciating the Networking suggestion.

    I read this from a forwarded message.

    A man died and went up. He wanted to have a free tour of heavan and hell before deciding what was going to be his permanent address.

    He was first taken to the hell. It was dinner time there. Everyone had a large bowl of a very delicious soup before them. But the spoon they had in their hand was very long. And they were frustrated in their attempt to eat the soup. They were forbidden to directly drink it from the bowl or use their hands to take the soup from the bowl. They spilled it all over themselves. And at the end of the dinner session all were still hungry. That was hell, right? Having food and not being able to eat.

    The next stop was heavan. To the visitors' surprise, the scene was exactly the same. Same soup bowls, very delicious soup and the same extra-long soup-spoons and the same prohibition to use the hand or drink it directly from the bowl. But in heavan every one was well-fed and happy. So what's the difference?

    The wise people in heavan instead of using the long spoon to feed themselves used the spoon to feed the person sitting opposite to them. The person sitting opposite was reciprocating his gesture. They were helping each other. I wont call this charity. It is enlightened self-interest.

    When I suggested a net work to mitigate the risks here in the US I am simply asking you to use your spoon to feed your friend. So that in time you will be fed by his or her spoon.

    Thus heavan and hell, differ not by circumstances or paraphernalia, but only by attitude.

    If I find any response for this idea I will be posting one more idea on an ancient medical system, before I move on to the next post.

    Love,
    sridhar
     
  2. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Fantastic description of Heaven and Hell. I enjoyed the little forward so very very much ! How true, it is all in one's attitude.
    Thanks for sharing this amazing forward Sridhar.:)

    L, Kamla
     
  3. Shobanag

    Shobanag Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sridhar - I first read your post yesterday and wanted to reply right away - well work took priority - I know it was sunday but I had some things to do for this morning - technology makes it happen - I log in through my VPN and I am in front of my desk top finishing up!! Anyway, your account of grandparents visiting the US is interesting. My parents - are like some of the others mentioned here. My dad and mom love to read and we would make frequent trips to the library. During my mom's first visit, which was when my daughter was born, we were kept busy with an infant. Since then, both my parents have visited many times and they always kept themselves occupied. They would take walks every morning, read, solve Sudoku puzzles, my dad would surf the net, watch Sun TV, and my mother always had some crafts that she would be doing - like knitting or crochet. The point is - yes, they were dependent on me for transportation and I made sure that I took them out to the grocery with me - or to the mall, etc. just to get them out of the house. They were not here for baby sitting. I made sure of that. I have heard that too many people are doing that to their parents and it is not fair. My thought on that is their time to raise their kids is over and now it is my turn. I had a part time job when my daughter was young - I did this by choice so that I did not depend on anybody else to raise my child. Later, I started working full time.
    I also think it is based on individual attitudes - some people come here not wanting to be here - and then it becomes a struggle from day one. I know my parents enjoy their time here but I also know that when it comes time for them to go back, they are sad to go because they miss staying with my family, but they are also happy to get back to their routine in India and be with my siblings there.
     
  4. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Varalotti Cried!

    Most Gracious ILites,

    It is True. I cried. Even now recounting the incident makes my eyes wet.
    You won't believe, right?

    Oh, that's sentimental ********, you say.

    But ladies if you finish reading the narration with dry eyes, well, hats off to you.

    But be sure to consult your Doctor after that. There may be a problem with the tear glands.

    Now move on to this Wednesday's Thread.

    Love,

     
  5. sujathae

    sujathae Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Varalotti sir, Useful writeup about the things to be carried by the grandparents when they visit US and the important precautions to be taken. I read all the feedbacks too and the plight of the son who had to spent his lifetime savings for medical expenses and the plight of the student about whom blondie had mentioned made us very sad. Here in Gulf the medical treatment is very bad. So it is very risky to bring the old parents who r under clinical care. Here the doctors just don't bother neither they r bonded by professional indemnity as in US or India to some extent. They just donot bother to take care of the patients lives. Whenever a person goes to the clinic with fever and infection they give the standard medicines like Paracetamol, Amoxyllin and Nose drops/cough syrup. They never bother to diagonise what is really wrong with the patient. If the patient complains of breathing problem due to stuffy nose, immediately they put him in nebulizer the prolonged use of which leads to bronchital asthma. The private hospitals are the worst. They are only worried about making money. What ever be the complaint they will ask for blood tests, urine tests, scan and what not. As long as we donot fall sick it is fine. So as to avoid these unnecessary expenses we always bring all the medicines with us whenever we come back from India every year. But attimes we feel that self medication is dangerous. But it is better than going to the clinics over here. Because of the extreme weather conditions children fall sick very often and what can we say about old people. Even if our parents come here they cannot stay for more than 1 or 2 months. My mother came and stayed for about 5 months and that was the maximum. She didn't have anything to do as i used to take care of all the household work. She was getting bored and used to tell me that only solace for her was being with the grand daughter. we are always aliens in any country other than our own country.
     
  6. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    It is really an ey opener, this post of yours, dear Sridhar.
    My fil's friend's son is in US and they have flight pass as son is in airlines. But he does not like to go there. He developed problem in his legs because he could not go for walks there. He used to say that not even dogs walked on the US roads. That does not seem to be the scene from your post and also from other replies.
    There is another older man nearby and he is a busy man here. But when he went to US to his son, he said, he enjoyed the stay well- he went to the library and read and read and took out so many notes ,to be used when he comes back here. (He is the district secy. of the Tambras) He said he was fascinated by the availability of such books there.
    As you have rightly pointed out, we should develop an interesting mind when we stay in a different place and try to learn good things from other people and to enjoy life as it is. But many do not like changes and lament all the time.
    One of the co passengers in yesterday's journery back to Chennai from Kerala is coming here to get visa to go to US with his wife. She was saying that she could not eat anything without coconut oi and say Yuk to gingelly oil and other oils. I told her very softly that the other people will say the same about coconut oil- it is just that she has got used to it. I also suggested that she see things in other perspective than hers to enjoy them.
    I will forward this to any parent who is about to visit the US for the first time.
    Hats off for your social concern.
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Shobana,

    You came in when I almost started missing you in this thread. We work on VPN so much so that even while I am at the office I work through the VPN. That way I need not change the format or the desktop appearance when I go back to work
    in India.

    There are two redeeming features about your parents' visit. As I had suggested in my leader post they had something to do which was not India-specific. They were busy in their own way which makes all the difference between a normal life and boredom.
    Secondly you did not think that their main purpose here was baby sitting. This attitudinal difference a lot of problems, Shobana. Yes, they are done with their duties of raising children. They have already suffered enough to bring us to the stage we are in today. To burden them with grandchildren is inhuman.

    I know a girl in Chennai. Simply because she wanted to work as a teacher she made her mom and dad work for her 24 by 7 taking care of her kids.
    Her mother's health is not good. And to be running behind kids at this age is
    something unacceptable.

    I do love the life here. But that does not mean that I can stay longer or stay for ever. I have already started counting the number of hours for my return trip.

    regards,
    sridhar
     
  8. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sujatha,

    Your post was a sort of eye-opener for me. I thought Gulf had a lot of medical facilities. I think conditions in places like Dubai and Bahrain may be different from those prevailing in Kuwait.

    Well, I also was thinking that our homeland is the best any time. But people have different kind of priorities and preferences which often cannot be accommodated by their own country. So they reside somewhere else. But as I have been repeatedly saying this involves a trade off. Higher medical bills, here in the US, low quality Medical service at your place... the list is endless.

    But do remember Sujatha, persons like me who have been living in India all along have also made some trade offs. Honestly I would have made ten times more than what I am doing now if I had opted to go out of India. Well, money per se was not on my list of priorities and so I stayed back.

    Even now when I see a corrupt official or a goofed-up work, or poor recognition of professional service, I do think, that I would have better off in Europe or the US.

    I don't think there is one single, absolute answer to the question, whether should we live in our own place or in a foreign land.

    Interesting to read about the medical service in Kuwait.

    Regards,
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    What happened to you, Varloo? Didn't see you for aeons.

    I am happy that you liked the post. If you want to enjoy life here you should approach with an open mind. You need to have lots of adaptability. If somebody comes here hoping to replicate Indian life, it is both pointless and impossible.

    Again US is a vast country. You cannot compare the posh suburb of Issaquah to New York Downtown. Nor can you compare the states Washington and Nevada. They are miles apart not only in distance but also on the quality of life.

    I have a friend who used to say "yuk" to the American habit of using a toilet paper. But now he has completely switched over to this form. When the mind is at its infancy this "yukking" against what we are not used to, happens. As the mind matures, it finds there is absolutely nothing to yuk about.

    Thanks for the post Varloo.

    Regards,
     
  10. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    well, while you are visiting US, I visited your town, Madurai. We were in Kodaikanal (second honeymoon, Aravindh says, as we were there for our honeymoon 20 years back) for 3 days and 2 days in Madurai visiting temples and for 'mottai' of Aravindh at Azharagkoil.Then Trivandrum, Guruvayoor and other temples and visit to my siblings' homes in Kerala. You have mentioned about watching rain in Seattle, that is the norm during the monsoon in Kerala which I just am crazy about. Normally the plants and trees there always look as if somebody had washed them. This year it is still raining there from May, such a long monsoon season. All roads are worse and dams have been opened every where. And the climate is just perfect, with moderate rain daily. It was such a relief to watch all that after a long time.
    And, I enjoyed a cycle ride in Kodai around the lake, 5 km distance, very much. Also myself and A went to a mini trekking on a steep slope (Echo rock and dolphin rock- it is called) with a guide. I was breathing only thro my mouth and had the panting of my life while climbing up. But both these exercises gave me a lot of confidence that I can withstand such physical pressure (I am 78kg now) and that I can easily reduce my weight with proper diet and also exercise.
     

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