With Love To The Indian Grandparents Visiting the US – Varalotti In The US 7

sunkan · Sep 28, 2007

dear sridhar,
wonderful contributions, to all we indians who have never been there and a good precaution as to what should be done if at all we get a chance to be called on emergency.
i am unable to understand why we should not cook daily, my son in law giri and his friends who are in San Francisco cook two times taking turns as they are both excellent cooks and they can't imagine doing it once a week, like wise if they are both husband and wife then why should it be a problem to cook daily, is it because they have to clean after or any other..

i have heard doctors are the highest paid and now i know by whom.
hope to get more about that place, i heard it rains 9 months in seattle am i right or wrong...sunkan

varalotti · Sep 29, 2007

Re: Heartfelt apologies for missing out

Dear Shal,

It's perfectly all right. I knew that you'd have a good reason when you didn't sign up for the meet. Of course we did miss you on that day.

What a perfect ambience to work on numbers - swans, turkeys, water and greenery! I am happy for you, Shal.

Here are the links to parts 1, 3 and 6

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/saturdays-with-varalotti/11429-varalotti-in-the-us-1-a.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/saturdays-with-varalotti/11925-varalotti-us-3-will-you.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...thers-law-kidney-transplantation-airport.html

And of course Vandhana has posted about the ILite Meet Up in San Jose in this thread:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/ilite-meet-ups/12374-the-one-and-only-varalotti.html

Your remarks on travelling in NY reminds me that one part of the US is vastly different from others. And that sitting in a corner in the West Coast, I cannot claim that I know the whole country.

Of course I plan to go to Atlanta and then later to the East Coast.

Yes, Life is teaching me a lot of lessons here. And if I am a good student I should return to Indhu as a better husband, to Preethi as a better father and to my parents, as a better son. Let's see.

Thanks for the really enthusiastic post, Shal.
regards,

varalotti · Sep 29, 2007

Dear Vandhana,

Thanks a lot for your supplementary information.

The person I met here in Issaquah, Seattle, WA came to the US last year. His son has all the TV Channels. He does surf in the net. In fact he told me some good financial news even before I could find them on the net. But even then he was bored.

Here comes the importance and the nature of one's activity. Many grand parents of these days still retain an active, beautiful mind. And even if they get to see all the Indian channels they will still be bored. In fact K introduced to me some of his "walking- buddies". One was from Hyderabad, and the other was from Salem, Tamilnadu. They looked even bored than K. The Hyderabad man asked, "And you came to your son's house or daughter's house?" There was so much resignation in his voice that I felt sorry for him.

I don't know whether I am right. Even those die-hard "azhumoonchi" TV serial fans do find viewing TV all day in the US a little boring. Again TV viewing is not an "activity" but just a "passivity". In fact if the grand parents watch TV all the time they might get some kind of a depression and manifest irritable behaviour.
Hats off to your parents who were book lovers. That's a different story.

When I suggested that you should bring in an activity of your own, I just left out TV.

And another thing is when Indians visit a place like San Jose they do feel at home. Because 8 out of 10 people you meet on the street are Indians. It is not so in all the places. I had been to my niece's school in Sunnyvale. Eighty percent of the students are Indians. Here in Seattle hardly 10% are Indians. The hosts should give information on this to the visiting grandparents so that they may be prepared.

Transportation is a big problem. The bottom line is five days in a week the grand parents will be grounded, confined to the four walls of the house.

Making the grandparents fulltime babysitters robs them of the charm of visiting the US.

regards,

Vandhana · Sep 29, 2007

Dear Sundari,

Doctors being the highest here is because of a shortage. All doctors here need to have Malpractice Insurance and the cost for that is so high, my doctor friend tells me that many doctors quit practicising. Added to that the whole medical insurance system is so screwed up here. doctors are too cautious . If they are in private practice, then they could be hit with very high insurance bills. If the docs are part of a huge Set up, then they have to face the music from the administration. Hence to actually get them to diagnose something takes so long...... Unless youare in an emergency situation.

Sridhar,
The TV , i included only as an example of how much things have improved for the Indian community. All said and done, the grandparents have to come with a mind set and we kids need to set their expectations.
Its easy to make friends here not just with Indians. And by the way the community I live in, there are very few Indians here. Infact I am the only Indian in my street, and there are probably only 10 indian families in the larger neighbourhood.
I think the thing that affects the parents the most is the "dependency factor" here. They do not have the freedom to move about on their own free will. Even a trip to the local temple is like going on a one day road trip!! But more and more I think the resentment comes from getting the feeling of being treated as a 'free babysitter" . I am not sure if the experiences of parents where either daughter or DIL is at home will be the same??
Oh and by the way, there are a lot medical insurance options available for visitors now in the US too. But ofcourse the usual fine print of no preexisting conditions etc.... is there.

Vandhana

varalotti · Sep 29, 2007

Hi Blondie,

I read your post several times to take in the impact of a situation like that. I placed myself in the son's place, the mom's place and the dil's place.

Whatever may be the son's position in life, 150k Dollars is an awful lot of money. The Rupee equivlaent is about six million, more than half a crore of Rupees. Well, you can buy three or four independent houses in Madurai for that amount. And I am sure that would have created a dent in her son's finance - a dent that would last a life time.

As you have rightly put it, a mother's life is priceless. But this is clearly an avoidable misery. I will put the blame entirely on the sister who ought to have accompanied her mother to the Doctor. Had I been in her place I would have gone to the Doctor, scanned the prescription and would have sent it to my brother.

Well, hindsight gives us a lot of useless wisdom.

I narrated this incident to a number of Indians here in Seattle. Many of them were shocked to know such things.

Very nice of you, Blondie, to have come out with such a post. A real eye-opener not only for the visiting grandparents but also for those who host them.

Thanks once again,
regards,

varalotti · Sep 29, 2007

Dear Pushpavalli,

It is a real blessing that a real Indian grandparent visiting the US has visited this thread and has given her actual experiences. While all others who have posted here are US hosts, you are probably the only visitor, unless I count myself as one.

Any way both times we enjoyed our stay. Yet we are reluctant to go and stay there permanently.

This was a real classical ending, Pushpavalli. I am sure that none of the Indian grand parents would like to extend their stay in the US.

I told you about the man I met on the road. Like a school boy he was counting his days for departure. He would say "Aachu, innum moone naal than. Apparam naanga indiyavukku parandhu poiruvom"

I am happy that you were able to enjoy your stay. While you have talked about the medical insurance and all, you have not said, how you spent your time here. Did you feel bored at any point of time?

After posting this thread I am hearing a lot of -I am hale and hearty-so no medical insurance-then sudden illness or accident- stories from here. A lady in her fifties who visited Issaquah was so hale and hearty that she pooh poohed the very idea of medical insurance.

Then she saw the huge bath tub in her son's house. Being used to bucket-mug baths all the time she wanted to enjoy a good, real bath. But as she was getting out of the tub she slipped and fell down. And broke her bones. The son made it clear that he could not afford any medical treatment in the US. She was given a minimal first aid and was sent back to India. In a situation like this I find it extremely difficult to take sides.

Thanks for enriching this post with your experience.

regards,

Blondie · Sep 29, 2007

Hi Varalotti,

The below email was sitting in my mailbox when I logged into my mail account. Posting it here in the hope that this type of incident never happens in the future.

Here the lesson learnt is how important having medical coverage is at all times. One can skimp on food but not on medical coverage.

since the below appeal was sent to mass recipeints and also there is a public website I am not editing out any of the personal information. I trust the executive committe of our CATS (capitol Area Telugu Society) Without thoroughly vetting they have never so far sent appeals.

I have highlighted in boldface and redfont the lesson to be learnt (unfortunately Suresh didn't have insurance when fate decided to play with him) A student's medical insurance used to cost 65$ a month back in the late eighties. I have no idea how much it costs today.

Appeal for Help - Mr. Suresh Penchala - http://www.help-suresh.org/‏
From: Capitol Area Telugu Society (webmaster@theuscats.org)
Sent: Thu 9/27/07 3:15 AM
To: CATS Mailing List (webmaster@theuscats.org)

CATS is saddened to bring this news to you. Suresh Penchala, a member of Telugu community is in COMA since Aug 14 at ERLANGER HOSPITAL, Chattanooga, TN after he met with a devastating and life threatening accident. We encourage community members interested in helping him to do so directly. There is a bank account established in his name by TAMA. The details of the account are provided below.

Please contact Srinivas Maheshwaram, 614 735 8472, maheshwaram@gmail.com, friend of Suresh Penchala if you would like to know more details before you act.
Checks are payable to TAMA
Please write "Suresh Penchala" in the memo of check.
Address:
TAMA, Attn Suresh Penchala,
3192 Buck Way , Alpharetta,
GA, 30004

Help Suresh Fund
Regards,
CATS Exec Committee.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Appeal from Suresh's brother:

Suresh Penchala is a student on at Eastern Illinois University(F1 visa) pursuing his masters in Computers and supposed to graduate in December. During summer semester while enrolled in 2 on-line courses he visited India and does not have the worst feared Insurance. He returned back from India on 13 of August and headed for his college along with his friend NISHANT ETALA on 14th August at around 9:30PM from Atlanta to E.I.U, Charleston ,IL in 97 model Toyota RAV4. He was supposed to stop in Nashville for the night and again drive to Illinois the next day.

At around 11:30 ( before mid-night), On I-75 just after exit-353 border of Georgia and Tennessee , they met with a major accident. An 18 wheeler ran into them. Unfortunately Nishant Etala passed away at the scene of the accident and Suresh Penchala has been admitted in ERLANGER HOSPITAL with serious injuries. He was not in a position to survive when he was flown to hospital with injuries to :

Both Lungs Collapsed/ Punctured.
Lacerations on his head.
Broken right collar bone.
Broken right shoulder.
Fractured C4 spine.
Completely broken rib-cage ( fractured to an inch)
Laceration to his spleen.
Liver damaged.
Broken hip.
broken left arm.
broken right ankle.
Anoxic/Hypoxic injuries to his Brain. -- Major ( Lack of oxygen to brain due to initial blood loss and lack of breathing ability)

Thanks to God and to Doctors and Nurses at ERLANGER hospital who has worked really hard for 3hrs pumping 10 bottles of blood, opening his belly and sewing the flowing blood stream could save his life. He has remained in COMA since.

He needs continuous medical attention but Erlanger hospital has said that there is not much they can do at this time. Mentioning that he has substantial damage to his brain and time would only tell us what would happen to him. At the same time as there is no treatment being done to him, they say that they cannot keep him in the hospital and as he is not responding, he cannot go to a Rehabilitation center and would have to go to a Skilled Nursing Facility. Unfortunately as he does not have insurance no nursing facility is willing to take him.

Hospital has asked me to take him home and my family lacks the expertise which the nurses at skilled nursing facility would provide in keeping my brother stable and keep him alive. Nursing homes would cost somewhere between $500 to $1000 per day which I cannot afford. ( To get him into a nursing home i need to pay a month's advance) and no Nursing Home or Hospital is coming forward to take Suresh.

While thinking of taking him to India we inquired about transportation costs , As he had chest tubes it is not medically safe for him to travel in a commercial flight until next 3 months and if he were to be transported then a air ambulance would have fly him which i am not sure they can with his medical condition but would cost around $100,000 to $180,000. Which is out of my reach.

Suresh Penchala is from Andhra Pradesh , India, Me (Ramesh Penchala) , My DAD, and Mom are here in Chattanooga. My Parents are very depressed, emotional and yet determined to save Suresh. We are asking for help from each one of you to come forward and donate towards this noble cause, keeping in mind that your contribution (however small it is) would be going a long way in his treatment.

No amount is little and no amount is huge at this situation so i humbly beg/request all to please try to help my brother and my family get through these tough situation Praying for my brother and donating how much ever possible by you to save a life.

Thanks In Advance for the Generosity,
Ramesh Penchala & Family.
404-422-4583(Mobile)
rameshpenchala@gmail.com
and
Srinivas Reddy Maheshwaram
614 735 8472
maheshwaram@gmail.com
Make Checks payable to Ramesh Penchala
Mailing address:
Srinivas Maheshwaram
5045 Dierker Rd
Apt#B8
Columbus, OH 43220

Vandhana · Sep 29, 2007

Dear Blondie,

it is indeed sad to read about this incident. I think the student insurance is still around the same or maybe a little higher. My hubby was paying about 75 bucks in mid 90s.
I know how bad it is not to have insurance. We needed to get the COBRA coverage for a few months when my hubby joined a startup. it was so expensive , almost 1000 bucks a month for the 4 of us!!

Lets hope and pray for this student that he may recover fully and that his family does not go through more mental trauma.

subbutr · Sep 29, 2007

Very informative & lively demonstration of every Indian living in USA.
Yes the pastures of green by obtaining the green cards alone is not going to bring more happiness & the simple life we led in our Mother India with less comforts is much more cherishable.
Subbu

varalotti · Sep 30, 2007

Dear Kamla,

Thanks for that endorsement. That means a lot to me. Last two times I was held in spell by my own metaphors and delivered an overdose of mil-dil stuff so much so that one ILite screamed, "Will you please come to 2007?" and another ILite in his signature announced to the effect "You want to read something different from the beaten track mil-dil stories? Then visit..."

I thought of having this write-up as the last one for this V in the US series; but then I thought turning it in early I would receive a lot of comments and supplementary information to build upon. It has proved to be true.

When my fil who was 70 plus decided to travel to US a few years ago and wanted a health insurance, no company in India would listen to him. I had to put my weight around (the whole of 190 pounds, mind you) and arm twist my own insurance company to issue a policy to him. Thank God, there was no claim.

Yes, you are right. We cant expect an insurance company to fund pre-existing diseases.
When I was selected for a Rotary Youth Exchange program way back in 93, Rotary insisted that I should take an insurance policy which would not only cover all health risks, but also an additional cover, that if something happens to me in England, where I was touring, the insurance company would bear the expenses of transporting my mortal remains back to India. I know it sounds pretty harsh, but I heard that a few insurance companies do this at a minimal extra cost.

And still my mother finds it alien and is already heavily home-sick
This statment sums the feelings of any Indian grandparent visiting the US. Now I have noticed another difference between India and the US. In India we are almost addicted to our habits, from eating, marriage and even what we do in our bathrooms. I remember one friend telling me that he found the use of toilet paper disgusting and he cannot even think of doing it in the wildest dreams.

Poor fellow, he was carrying a plastic mug in his hand baggage. It was quite a sight to see a young suit-clad Indian walking the aisle of British Airways Boeing with a bright red plastic mug heading to the restroom.

Except for a few areas concerning our hardcore values, nothing else can fall into the category of "hard and fast." Americans have this flexibility. (I am afraid that in many cases the flexibility extends to the values area as well).

Indians visiting the US many times feel that they are fish out of water. They should realise that they are not out of water, but just in a different kind of water. Neither better nor worse, but just plain different. If the visiting Indian knows this in the depths of her heart, then she can be happy both in Kansas and in Kancheepuram.

Love,