Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married life?

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

Yes,Most definitely.It will always be she didnt act maturely ,she didnt do the right thing.Its like we breathe and they dont like the way we do that too.There was a time when we came close to separating due to in laws dumping their dislike of my presence in my husband's life along with our own stressful time in our marriage.It happened more than 2 1/2 yrs back but I am still coming out of it.Although after that they keep coming up with new things regularly to create problems.And Its not slight remark but huge allegations.There are a few things they say and do which can be never forgotten.

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

I guess we need a third option "It depends on us" :idea. Its finally we the couple who can control what affects our everyday life. If we start thinking about each and every comment why they made it and start spoiling our relationship, the losers are none other us. If we try to ignore these comments and live our life the way we want it, It can no way affect our relationship. I also agree it definitely depends on the intensity of problem whether you can ignore it or not. As you mention in your poll, if its only comments then it surely depends on us.

A post on similar lines is being discussed here
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/30961-a-lesson-for-all.html

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

Oh, yes i certainly think it does, to a great extent!!. Becos however hard you try to ignore their comments and not let them affect you, they sometimes go deeper into your heart and brings about resentment into the marriage.

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

Hi Dear ILites,
Touchwood, that I feel myself lucky here......for the reason that I never heard my In-Laws commenting upon me or myself in a negative way and even if they show some displeasure for any reason, my husband acts as a pacifier. So, for me, my married life is dependent solely upon our (me and DH) judgement and actions.
Thank you all.

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

I agree with you Meeta...whether teh comments matter to the husband or not is the prime question....if the husband picks the same comments and nags the wife its much worse....

Glad to know that your husband is more of the understanding kind...and hates comparisons and comments..

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

I dont mean to divert this post..however i just had a question after reading and going through all the posts...why is it that these days there are so many problems for women??? were these there before? or recently?are men like this forever? are they changed? if we read the posts 8 out of 10 posts says that their husbands give more imp to their parents of their siblings and then the wife...more than the wife the parents and siblings have more influence on the husband..why is it like that??? I understand not all husbands are like that..and at the same time not all wives are having problems...but what is it that is causing these problems...why cant a married couple both of them think they are the first priority to each other than anyone else or anything else?? who is at fault?

SS, Ria...anyone else..any thoughts..

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

well comments do affect ur relationship u may talk it over sometime and sometime ur may react which may aggrevate the situation but being human comments do affect us it is how u further deal with them that makes a difference
just my 2 cents on the topic

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

Dear Sathi,
You have asked very genuine questions.....problems were always there for women and it was much worse than what we are facing now.....thing is that there were very few reported cases and women in ancient times were mostly deprived of education...but being a good follower, they used to follow whatever was told to them without pointing at pros/cons of those rules. I am not only talking about the India but it was mostly the same in west side......women whoever used to deviate from the rules, were seen badly in the society......so, even though the problems are much worse than now, hardly any lady used to voice against them......
Now, as we are educated, we have started analysing things..we could realise pros and cons of a system.....which are the things we have to admit.....and we have started voicing our opinion......
But sweetie, you know the genetic evolution since the ancient times has changed the man so much that it became very difficult for them to accept this deviation.....their genes were modified accordingly long back and any sudden change is not acceptable by most of them.....so, it will take some time for them to accept this changing world.....and it is important for women also to think rationally about this.....
Again, in ancient times, when people were living in joint families, there were so many people who acted as tension diverter......if you have issues with someone, there were many more to come for your rescue and resolve certain issues......husband and wife used to get very less time for themselves.....and the ladies could not afford to loose that too...so, maintaing good relation/peace.....was the only possible way to them...
But now, with nuclear family system, the tension between DH and DW only grows up with time....and with time our accomodative nature has gone low......the work pressure.....both at office and home front has added fuel to our anger.......and resulted into many issues/problems in a women's life........
Has the men been taught well by their parents about the changing scenario, problems would have been much lesser......

Now coming to the issue of DH attachment with his sibling and parents.......can I ask if we are more attached to our parents or siblings than our In-Laws.......if we have our own priorities, then why can't our men love those persons with whom they have stayed till the time before our arrival........and this kind of comparision will never let us live in peace.......think whether you will do the same when your kid will arrive.......will you compare your DH's love for you and your kid......will you ever argue saying that my DH love my kid more than me.......
Every relation has its own importance lady, siblings, parents, kids and wife has their own places in a man's life.....and it was already formed.......you can't spread yourself much to be in your place and at the same time grab the other's place......during this war you will get resistance from them also as an intruder.......but if you will be cordial to all, they will come so close around you that they will lend their hands to you to reach to their place.......
I may not be very clear in putting my thoughts....but I had tried my best to analyse the things in my way......it's my way to understand my DH and my life......
Thanks.

 

Re: Will your inlaws (husband side parents & family) comments affect your married lif

Dear Sathi,
After answering to your post, I just saw that your post no. is 487 and mine was 478.....I found it a little funny.....so thought of sharing it with you......
Bye.....