Will You Be Offended?

Come on @paru123, it is so evident that you didn't care much for this relative of yours.

I am not saying you are right or wrong. As long as you are telling your side of the story, try to make it a bit more convincing and leaving out the last line would have helped in that regard.

 

Yes, actually their visit was a little inconvenient for us and the relative just thought about only their convenience. The next day we all were free, but she didnt bother to come and spend some time with us after the wedding. Because of their visit, my family members had to miss a part of the program.

Nobody likes when people remember you only when they need something.

 

This is a completely different scenario from OP.

 

I am sorry to hear this Mangai. Conflicts such as these need a third side, someone who knows both parties and act as an assurance provider that the relationship is worth saving.

Everyone makes mistakes and they will know that they did it in a fit of anger. Over time they forget what they did but remember what the opposite side did. It is important to forget what the other person did and move forward. Since this is the only relationship hanging for you, it is worth saving. If you have cousins whom you can connect, you should try and meet them and make your family connections in India more.

If you can meet your brother separately someway and not talk about any conflicts and just spend some time, it will be worth it. Again, your brother should also feel the same way for things to work. Be optimistic and see this as a long time project and each step you take will move you towards a better place.

I know it is not as easy as it sounds. Look closely for any positives and appreciate when possible.

 

Be kind to yourself. You will never stop yearning for the love of your birth family, but at some point the scales drop from your eyes and you see things as they are. I hope you are able to fill your life with your chosen family.

 

Yeah, I'd be pretty annoyed. They insisted you visit, and then they’re too busy to spend time with you? That’s really inconsiderate, especially after you spent so much money on flight tickets and rearranged your plans. Happened to me once when I visited my cousin—they were working the whole time and I just felt like a stranger in their home. Next time, I’d definitely make sure they’ll actually be free before making any plans.

 

@mangaii you are clearly very stressed about this. My only advice to you is stop having expectations from everyone. You have your own self to fall back on. Don't link your peace of mind and happiness to anyone else including your husband, kids or birth family. This was your first visit in a long time and you felt blindsided due to your brother's family not meeting your expectation. Next time, stay in a hotel and visit your brother's family for an hour when they are free.

Take care and do not give so much power to people who are not even physically present with you over you

 

Of course, I will be offended but a big BUT why? If you are on good terms with them, they will do everything to adjust you and say so, if they are not in a position to do so, they will say so.
The problems start when you are not on good terms. In that case, you should think twice. Do not make a singular plan to spend some time with them. If you have other items to do on the list during the visit, invite them to the place you are staying for lunch or dinner. It is quite likely that they will, in turn, reciprocate.