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Will This Marriage Work Anymore?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ToTheStars, Aug 6, 2018.

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  1. ToTheStars

    ToTheStars Senior IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,
    I am 34 good looking and married for 12 years no kids yet living in India. Married the love of my life(i thought so...) We seemed to share same interest before marriage. I watch multi lanuage movies,albums,series,travel is my interest,arts and crafts,DIY, and me a creative type of person. My h seems to pretend as he has the same interest. However i figured that he is entirely a different boring person after wedding. He is a nice social person. He committed few things like honeymoon destination,yearly once travel to new place,how i would be liberated to keep the house interiors..but nothing he did and end up saying that i thought he is rich and married him thats not his fault,I am a money minded person. And on top of everything he is a impotent. I had no nerve to get out of this marriage. I am the only daughter and the first inter caste wedding with lots of opposition and my parents went against everyne just for my happiness.Considering many factors i was just keeping myself happy and engaged in this wedding. I joined a baking class 2016 November. Met this foreigner he was from Spain same age(38) as my h and a divorcee with a 3 year old girl child. He was here for some assignment. We became good friends.Involved in long conversations and shared physical intimacy whenever we meet(almst everyday).In that 15 months of relationship with Mr.X he travelled to Spain couple of times still we were connected one or the other way and few months ago he returned for good And i eventually knowingly or unknowingly neglected my h. Always in my own new world. Me and h had no sex.It is always either foreplay I do handjob and we sleep off.I couldnt involve anymore with my h and he smelled something fishy and finally I get caught. He seen few emails and skype calls. He was shatterred. I was so bad that I couldnt aplogise rather I told him I need some life and expressed my emotions. We ended up in big fights everyday. He assasinated my character to every single person from his family that I am a prostitute and go with anyone for sex. His parents considering that we are childless(they dont know he has infertile issues) decided to get him re-marry divorcing me. I dont want to break this marriage and yes Mr.X wanted to marry me which I have no nerve to do. My h is in full revenge and he is doing one or the other to torture me everyday. Sometimes he just lock me inside the house and leave to work. He didnt pay the electricity bills and for 2 weeks it was so much of torture.
    My parents want me to adjust with his torture thinking eventually he will be fine. He stopped providing financial needs and My father is sending me money.
    Now he filed a case against me under Hindu Marriage act 13(1) in adultery. He is showing those email conversations to all our common friends and that kills me every day. After all this mess I decided to give him divorce and my lawyer suggested to go for mutual as we hv no kids and I cant demand for alimony. I put forward my concern,my h is now not ready for divorce rather he says I am planing t go with Mr.X and I was cheating all these years and that irritates me like hell.
    I know I am a mess. But I couldnt take all this sheets! Couldnt see my parents going through such embarassment. Should I die instead? I did mistake,but I deserve a little life. Do you think this marriage would work? .
     
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  2. signature

    signature Bronze IL'ite

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    oh! Too many things have gone wrong. You always had the option of moving out and why did you not do it. i think you have messed up, sorry. I think you should separate and have a decent life.
     
    anika987 and ToTheStars like this.
  3. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    To answer your question, no this marriage won't work. Its way past the stage of any sort of recovery. Stop beating up yourself over this op. Just because you had a love marriage doesn't mean you should suffer staying in a bad marriage. You married young and you made a mistake of judgement . Unfortunately you felt guilted to stay in it. I don't blame you . Regarding your husband leaking emails, just flat out deny it and pretend its all fake. No one can prove you wrote them. Trust me, people forget everything after sometime. Please cheer up, life is precious and you have a bright future ahead. Your h was not the one, maybe your spaniard guy is. Please take legal steps , end your marriage , assure your parents you will be all right . In two years time you will be free from this marriage and all the bad memories will be far behind. nothing lasts forever. Happiness dint , so why will sadness remain forever.
     
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  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, I think the damage is done. Your marriage or life will never be the same. I feel it is better if both of you separate and live your own lives.

    If you were unhappy in this marriage you should have walked out earlier itself instead of cheating your love of your life. Nothing can justify that mistake from your side. Those who that kind of mistake wont realize the pain they give to their partner. What you would have done if he did the same. I dont think your dh is going to forgive or forget it . What is the point in staying in an unhappy , horrible and unsatisfying marriage. Anyway it is past now. Look forward and move on...

    I think it is better to end the marriage legally and move on with your life. Take time to decide the next step. You will be fine. You are the best judge of situation.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2018
    anika987, puni88, ToTheStars and 2 others like this.
  5. Deepika23

    Deepika23 Silver IL'ite

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    As long as u stay in this relation u will have to undergo this torture. u will have to stay with him with the guilt of cheatig him . since the damage has been done already better to legally separate fron him.

    all the best for a good life.
     
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  6. Stardust1990

    Stardust1990 Senior IL'ite

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    Well nobody is right here.. Not you, not ur husband. You cheated on him and he is out there to ruin you. It's gonna take a Lotta time, energy and a messy divorce.. Hold strong and good luck
     
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  7. friendabc

    friendabc Silver IL'ite

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    apologies to him wholeheartedly ...it was indeed a HUGE HUGE mistake ...nobody deserves to be back stabbed . apologies and move on... sit for a whole day and write down what exactly do u want ...do u love him enough to be with him all ur life? would he be able to forgive u completely? and wd u be able to forgive his rude behavior n malignation ?

    due to impotency (?) he wont hv children ...hv u thought abt that ? is that ok with u? if yes then well n good but if no then...whats ur (and his) plan b for that (adoption) ?
    if u r still ready , then sit with him and talk it out each n every thing ...after that if it dsnt work then u will hv to contact ur parents and ask for their forgiveness (if uve bn mean to them ) and support ..then remarriage can be an option
     
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  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you need to site and talk with your H and explore the options.
    You ready to accept his impotenct and he ready to accept your mistake and their is still love with each other ? past is past ? what to do next?
    Are you going to break again if you join some other X/y/z comes in life? if not so, talk to your H in private. Its mutual. If he is not ready to forgive, you need to move on.
     
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  9. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Platinum IL'ite

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    You seemed to have ridden the tiger! What are you experiencing at the moment is no trouble in paradise! So, it's time to think bold ( you may take a cue from Virat Kohli), and think dispassionately.

    You are a self-dependent, broad-minded, modern lady. A married life without sex is like a sambar without any salt, or a chicken cutlet without any chicken, or a cup of tea without any flavour. Also, you were deprived of the pleasure of having the best gift from God, a child. Therefore, I see no point in continuing with this marriage. Whether you will be happy with the Spanish guy is a different proposition, though. Just being good at bed is not a sufficient reason for a person to become a good husband. His culture will be completely different from yours. You have to judiciously ponder whether both of you can be compatible to each other in the long run or not!
     
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  10. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    The only mistake you made is getting into a relationship before getting a divorce. Whatever you do do not continue with this marrage your life will become hell, your DH is already in a revenge mode so things will not turn back so get a divorce and then think about your future.
     
    ToTheStars, yellowmango and shravs3 like this.
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