1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Will I be forgiven:-(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shruthi10, Jun 23, 2010.

  1. shruthi10

    shruthi10 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I have made a mistake which i regret truly...i dunno how to forgive myself...

    I have an aunt who I consider to be my mother...i thot she too treats me like her daughter but I guess I was wrong...

    Her son recently got married and at the reception, my friend who attended upon my invitation came to the wedding with her mum...this is where the problem started...

    Upon seeing the bride, my fren and her mum were v shocked...the bride is my fren's cousin...she did not invite her own aunt and cousin to the wedding...

    My fren and her mum then started telling me and my sisters abt the gal...they said she has a terrible character, slept with lots of guys and was not mentally stable..

    I cld not believe my ears...I cld not do anything as they were already married a day before officially, this was just the reception..

    Both my fren and her mum lost their appetite and they were really dumb struck that this gal was getting married...I then told them to keep things to themself as perhaps the gal has turned over a new leaf...

    However, they kept on talking abt the gal and they were so disgusted that she was getting married...I pitied my aunty..the bride herself started getting worried and both the bride and her father started telling my aunt not to believe whatever my fren and her mum said as they are liars (this my aunt told me)..

    A day after the wedding, my aunt called me and she asked me why I looked so down at the marriage..i did not tell anything...

    She kept probing me but i kept quiet...she then told me what the bride and her dad said and told me not to believe my fren...however, I blurted out something to the effect that she needs to monitor her DIL as she may be mentally unstable...

    I really regretted this but i cld not take back my words...i told her maybe the gal is cured...she was v upset...she said the gal seems extremely normal and how my fren and I cld malign her like that..

    So now I have become the bad person...my fren is fine with me as she told me that my aunt will come to know of the gal's character sooner or later...

    My aunt however doesnt believe us and is really upset, but i told her we have no reason to lie...in any case my fren is working in a clinic where the bride gets her medication...

    I feel terrible...i mean they after all married and i dont know why I had to shoot my mouth...i have a daughter too and I am afraid of karma...i really hope to be forgiven...will pray hard...sorry for the long post...
     
  2. Elvee

    Elvee Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    507
    Likes Received:
    104
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you can apologise to them and say it was not your thought and that you are only an audience for your friend and her mum. Try to erase the creak in your relationship because thats most important since you value her more dearly and also you are definitely not wrong. Anyone would be doing the same. Cheer up ^_^
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    357
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Shruthi,

    What you did was really wrong. But I guess, you know that already. :)

    We all make mistakes and shoot stuff out we wish we could take back. Afterall, you don't know the bride..... isn't it possible your friend and her mom were saying that crap because of the invitation snub? And even if that rubbish was true.... your Aunt's son loves his wife 'as is'... that includes her past and all. So, I think you should have left it at that. Who cares if the bride is taking medication? For all you know, it might as well be birth control pills or migraine tablets! Can't believe your friend working in the medical field, would compromise patient confidentiality like that... your friend should really be ashamed of herself. Don't you think if the bride is taking some medication, her husband would be knowing about it since they are now living as husband and wife? Obviously he doesn't have a problem with it... so you should have put a sock in your friend's big mouth!

    If the bride is nuts or chronically sleeps around with tons of guys, let her get in trouble for the things she does starting now, in the future, in her marriage. Not rake her over the coals for whatever (if anything) that happened way in the past.

    Next time you talk to your Aunt, apologize for what you said and for bringing such rude guests to the reception. Tell her that your friend had no right spreading those lies and you were foolish to have believed it. Already so many women face an uphill battle winning inlaws love.... now your Aunt may start to look at this girl under a magnifying glass. Before that happens, try to reassure your Aunt that all these rumors are just rubbish. Apologize to your aunt, then make a promise to yourself to be more careful in the future with what you say. It's ok Shruthi. It's doubtful any real damage was done. Just be thankful you learned this lesson with such a mature and reasonable woman as your Aunt. :thumbsup
     
  4. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,299
    Likes Received:
    6,333
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Shruti, apologize to your aunt and explain her that what you intended to say was something else.
     
  5. shruthi10

    shruthi10 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for all yr replies.

    I have already apologized to my aunt and told her my fren was probably lying. My aunt actually went to verify whatever was said with my sis...my sis said that she doesnt wanna get involved. Both my aunt and sis agreed that my fren and her mum were wrong to spread such rumours....

    I told her to disregard whatever I said and not to judge the gal....but my aunt is the one complaining abt the gal now....she says the gal doesnt want to find a job and doesnt seem to wanna help her in the house...OMG it's only been a week of marriage!!!

    This is all my fault...I feel so bad....I told her that she shld maintain a cordial reln with her DIL and not complain abt her...esp to me...I really dont wanna get involved. My hubby will be so pissed if he knew abt this...that I told my aunt abt the gal. I will keep my fingers crossed that my name doesnt get dragged into this issue.
     
  6. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,610
    Likes Received:
    1,439
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I just hope it doesnt add fuel to spoil a MIL-DIL relation...how is ur aunt otherwise..coz she seems to have started cribbing..
     
  7. shruthi10

    shruthi10 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    My aunt complains abt everyone, including her own daughters and sons...i used to advise her not to do that as they will not like it if word gets out...i thot she was just venting her frustrations to me...

    As for her DIL, my aunt used to tell me that her DIL is a smooth talker but other than that she was also worried because her DIL just quit her job before the wedding....her DIL had sent me her resume and so I tried to refer her to my work place and she was rejected...we dont know if it is because of her medical records etc as my workplace is likely to make checks...

    Till now, her only complaint is the work and housework thingy...I told her she cant force her DIL to work, so long as her son is working and provides for his wife, she shld not interfere...but she is v insistent on this...

    I just quarreled with her on the fact that she asked my sis abt what i said...i didnt like that she brought in my name...all these years, my MIL prob etc were all caused by her...i realised it too late...my hubby already warned me abt her character of twisting words...

    I think I made a huge mistake...right now I am feeling v bad for the DIL...I do not know how to make up to her...i really want to atone for my mistake. Any suggestions wld be helpful...she must never know though that I told my aunt abt her...she wld hate me...
     
  8. kiranmadhu

    kiranmadhu Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    424
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    You can talk to your aunt and explain that you told whatever you had told about her DIL because of the way your friend and her mom confidently told about her and since your friend's mom is the DIL's own aunt, you believed her. And that you had your aunt and cousin's best interests in your mind and that is what prompted you to tell that. You could also request your aunt that whatever you told about DIL be forgotten as if she hears it, she would be hurt to no end.
    This is just a patch work to the damage done. You will have to wait and watch if your relationship doesn't get affected.
     
  9. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    shruthi,
    Yes, sometimes we all say something and later regret on it...as u said you already know about your mistake...and I appreciate that you want to make it up...you have already cleared it with your aunt...now you are worried that aunt may refer your name to her DIL and that may worsen your realtion with her.....yes, it can happen...But in present scenario wherein you are not sure if your SIL (Bro's wife) knows what you told abt her to her MIL (your aunt), you cant do much to make up....So, dont stress up yourself about something which has not happened yet....If at all this happens, then you can very well approach the SIL and clear how you were just a listener to your fren and said few things because you were carried away with her/her mom's words, however, now realize your mistake....this should resolve the matter (if any) between you two...

    Also, now since you have realized your mistake of unnecessary involvement in their matters, please do not repeat it...I understand, you mean good by trying to show the facts to your aunt....but, please refrain from it dear....it may lead to more misunderstanding (knowing the fact that your aunt twists words)...so, in future, if your aunt starts talking abt her problems with the DIL, you may plainly change the topic rather than advising her.....JMO.

    ~S.
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,299
    Likes Received:
    6,333
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Shruti, I don't understand why the brides MIL is saying that her DIL doesnt want to work. She has forwarded her resume to you which clearly indicates that she wants to work.
    For God's sake its just been a week since she is been married! The only thing I can think of now for the DIL is that you try your best level to get a placement for her through your contacts.
     

Share This Page