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wife cheated me by having an affair.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by betrayedlove, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. betrayedlove

    betrayedlove Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry for long post but i need advice friends plz as my life is hell now.

    I am an engineer who married the love of my life 1.5 years ago. We both are working employees. Everything was perfect and fine until a month ago and after our honeymoon.My wife would leave to office by 8am and I by 7:10am. Our sex life was ok as I ensured she never lacks anything in our marriage nor she ever complained. I would return back between 9pm to 10pm and she by 7pm approx.
    A few months ago, two of my friends saw my wife in a coffee shop with a guy as they were holding each others hands on table and also roming with his hand on her shoulder. They didn't inform me immediately thinking it would crack our friendship. But they used to ask me always " is there any problem in your married life" and my ans was No.
    Long story to cut off they told me about the other guy and my wife's roaming not only one time but 3 to4 times in different malls as they saw her and asked me if my wife has told me about her outgoing. I was shocked on hearing as I would always think she in office. After mucph arguements with my friends I decided to keep a watch on her and didn't confront her. She was at home acting normal but busy with phone sometimes as normal she was. When once again my friend informed me that my wife is in food court with same guy i called her office but was told she is in a busy meeting then I called her but no reply and then my friend told me she is purposely not picking up as he was observing her. I lost my mind and then I hired a private detective to keep a watch on her and also she shouldn't know this because if my friends were wrong then my marriage would be in trouble.

    After days I was shocked to see her and that guys pic they were hugging, kiss ingredient on lips and were too close physically and the detective told me about her affair and that guy was her colleague working with her department. Moreover I came to know that she was on leave for a week while she told me she is going to bangalore for a company meeting not only that several days she was absent in office and a warning letter was issued to her. Worst is photos were also of her accompanying him to his residance (entering his building) by touching each others body and she alone leaving by evening.
    I was devastated, hurt, exploded in anger, tears came crawling my eyes that time. How can she kiss someone when am alive?? She didn't even think of me one time while doing all this. How shameless she is even being married she is in an affair??I was a fool who wass planning to talk about having Our children. I cried that night but decided to stop being a fool.That day I stayed with my friends by 10:30pm she started calling me and my friend switched it off as I was not in mood.The next day I went home she was a stupid acting like she was worried about me but she came to know from my face something was wrong. I took bath and left house without seeing her face. I directly reached to a lawyers office and narrated my story and evidances to him along with my friends and then served her divorce papers by mutual conset in presence of my and her parents. I confronted her that time and threw the photos on her face when she denied. Everyone was shocked and I slapped and draged her out of my house and shut the door. I created a scene in the building in anger and also threw her parents out. I shouted if not by mutual conset then by Ipc(497) adultery I would file for divore in court. Even now my parents hate my in laws.

    Now she has accepetd her affair and exposed it was a pre-marriage affair and physical relation with that guy including foreplay but denies having sex with him. She took leave from office to spend time with him when I was thinking my wife is busy in her work. Now She is constantly crying and begging me and my parents saying she made a big mistake and has nothing to do with that guy from now and such thing will never happen again. She had left her job and is pleading to live like a servant in my house and obey me but not to divorce her. Her parents too are requesting. Now she is complaining that she felt lonely as i was a workholic. she was also working then how come such lame excuse. I loved her a lot but she killed my love for her. I asked her If she was in love with him before marriage then why the hell did she marry me?? Her answer was she wanted to end it after meeting me which is a stupid excuse which destroyed my life.My life is ruined and I can't get over the fact of her kissing and foreplay with other guy it always strikes my head. I am dead set on divorce now. I married her loved her and and she was was in affair and cheated me and kept me in dark until my friends found out. This is what I got for loving my ex wife. Now I don't love her anymore nor I want to hear her excuses. I just want a clean divorce from her as early and my parents too are supporting me. Her crocodile tears have no effect on me. But she begs for a last and final chance. Her friends contacted me saying she is highly depressed and in suicidal tendency as all are hating her. She will be loyal from now to me and had broken all ties with other guy and realised her mistake. I replied them I can't believe all this as trust is vanished which is the base of a relation. So its better to kill this relation And told them to leave.

    Am I right for being deadset on divorce because cheating cannot be ever forgiven by me?? She could have told me all this or after marriage she should have been loyal to me but betrayed me and I always was faithful to her.
     
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  2. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, you are perfectly right. You had evidence to back your claim. What she did was wrong ? Sorry but taking time off from work to roam with that guy and now begging for forgiveness sounds too dramatic. Take care of yourself. It will take time to come out of this hurt. Seek therapy and support.
     
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  3. Maddy2087

    Maddy2087 Platinum IL'ite

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    sorry for what happened to you.

    Once a cheater always a cheater. Don't fall for her crocodile tears. If she were so concerned about the reputation she wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

    Let her learn the lesson of life and honesty the hard way. Never get afraid of the suicidal threats. Talk to your lawyer about her threats on suicide and if need be add that in the petition.

    More strength to you to sail through this tough time in life.
     
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  4. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Things are really bad ... since you both are now emotionally/physically apart best is separate... find peace both of you.. no point in living a life of lies and cheat ....
     
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  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    What you did was right. Have no second thoughts.
     
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  6. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with everyone else. Make a clean break ( hard as it is) and move on. If there is no trust , there is no relationship.
     
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  7. betrayedlove

    betrayedlove Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for their repies and suggestions,

    My life is like a drama movie now I too couldn't believe she unattended her office just to be with him while being a married women to me and I a stupid fool would be under thinking she is busy with her works. She left to bangalore for a week in feb and it all was a lie just to be with him i cannot believe it she spend a week with him while i her husband was alive and Here I used to take care of our house in her absence and worry for her.
    How can a wife do this???
    Insted if she had ended the affair or told me the truth after marriage I would have divorced her accordingly and let her go with him if she loves him. I never forced her on anything till now. But what I got in back betrayal. Even its affecting my mental peace as I get angry over small things now.
    She gave me hopes and killed it.
    I one day my world collapsed.
     
  8. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    what u did is right,.. u need to move on with ur life... it might be tough for u to trust some one else in future, but you have to remember what you got is a lonely bad apple in a bag... just disconnect and move on...
     
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  9. vathsala30

    vathsala30 Platinum IL'ite

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    better take a divorce as even if she really changes, you cant trust .when you are working in the office,leaving her alone at home or go on official tour, leaving her at home, your mind may suspect her and you cant lead a happy married life hereafter. Whatever she do, and whereever she go or even if talks on phone with her parents, your mind will be suspecting her in future
     
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  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    apart from choosing physical abuse on her...

    You must be keen on divorce, now that you have no love left for her and nor she has any love for you(she cheated!)...so sorry that all your genuine emotions went down the drain...just get out of this mess.
     
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