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Wife Caught Talking And Texting Many Men

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ConfusedHusband, Jul 21, 2016.

  1. ConfusedHusband

    ConfusedHusband New IL'ite

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    Friends

    Need your advice.

    I caught my wife flirting with many men.

    The first incident I saw with my own eyes in my house. My wife's best friend and her husband came over for dinner. Her husband was dealing with wife so close, freely and comfortably. Their extreme closeness made me upset right there. They both noticed my nervousness and they immediately took step back. I sensed change in their body language and saw fear on faces.

    My wife was so close to them that she stayed in their house without me. Never thought her friend's husband will come into picture.

    Later I discovered that she was talking to that man on phone regularly. They talked hours.
    They texted lot. I read the texts and there is flirting like he sent her funny picture of woman with big breast and my wife applauded it. There are many texts which clearly showed he was hitting on her.

    I also discovered that she is talking to two of her colleagues for hours and hours daily. They texted like insane. If I am around, she will text. If I am not there, she will talk. There are some calls over 3 hours long. Almost every day, there are 10 to 15 calls. This was going on for two years.

    My wife still claims "Nothing happened". There is no physical relationship except talk.
    I do believe it however I strongly believe that she has "Flirted".
    She took polygraph test and she came out clean for physical relationship.

    First few months, she played divorce card on me. She was abusive to me, called me very bad names. She threatened me that she will walk away and divorce will ruin me. She never let me talk about that as she felt insulted that I accusing her of nothing. In her mind, she thinks she had no physical relationship and so she did nothing.

    Now she has changed, regretted, calmed down. She stopped calling them. I am confident she won't do this again.

    I am still extremely mad. I feel it is utter betrayal. Can't get it out of my head. I felt she behaved cruel and untrustworthy for quite long and even after discovery of her adventure.

    What do you think?
    Is she worthy of forgiveness? Or she should be punished!!!
    Should I divorce her? Now I got courage now to accept my reality and move on if needed.
     
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  2. samsWait

    samsWait Silver IL'ite

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    Is this a troll? Polygraph? How can you get that? If you are not a troll I do not think she betrayed you. How can anyone betray emotionally with three people at a time? Serious betrayal? No. But did she cross the line? Yes and went too far. But as you said she mellowed down now maybe give her another chance and see how it goes. Maybe after sometime your anger will subside. If you still feel like divorcing her after a few months or years divorce her.
     
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  3. samsWait

    samsWait Silver IL'ite

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    If you want to give her another chance do not restrict her in any manner but set expectations that you will not entertain her behavior anymore.
     
  4. Sairindhri

    Sairindhri Gold IL'ite

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    The first thing when I read this, what advice to give!!!:confused: Same feeling like Sams!!!!:smash2:

    Hey, you have to decide, right! If you are so much in confusion and well seems your wife too is very confused, what can we do??

    If she is talking with others, then you consider it as flirty, when in reality we don't know what they were talking, right. Hey, suspicious minds aren't good for a healthy marital relationship. If you both don't have that basic foundation of trust and mutual understanding, no amount of advice from here is going to help you. The problem is mostly with how you think. If you were a good husband, the first and foremost thing you would do is clarify, discuss with your wife. Well, you don't have trust, your wife is cheating as per your thoughts, so what do you want us to tell???:(:confused::eek::rolleyes:

    You need polygraph, eh??? And she accepted and did it!!!:eek:o_O

    Well, that shows how much trust either of you have with each other.:facepalm:

    I have no advice for you people, except that you both need a good counsellor for marital advice. Not only that read something else on marital beliefs, compromise, trust etc.

    Your story :buenrollo: even if taken as a true one, seems to have lots of hitches. You need to improvise on a lot of things when you pen your problems here. The way you had put things here, well you decide what you want. I have no advice as to whether you continue with your marriage or not.

    Well your wife, your doubts, your life, whatelse can I say.:(:oops::rolleyes:

    Good luck!!!
     
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  5. Sairindhri

    Sairindhri Gold IL'ite

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  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hope this is not a troll..If this is not..

    1)why did you keep quiet for two years?
    2)women basically flirt when they do not get the desired attention fro their man.I will not completely blae her
    3)she just wants some spice in her life and something tells me she will not go physical but she might go to the extent of just touching/hugging the other guy.nothing more
    4)she needs romance and are u romantic with her?
    5)are you taking care of your looks?in sense,are you fit and she feels good about you?

    Address the above issues.take her out for a vacation.Be confident about yourself and make her feel beautiful.Although a woman feels beautiful herself,making her feel gorgeous by her man is always awesome.

    No need of divorcing her.do the above and everything else will fall in place.By? the way,do you guys have kids?how does she talk for three hours with kid and work?
     
    blindpup10 and amnilakshmi like this.
  7. mounikaa

    mounikaa Senior IL'ite

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  8. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    So woman can flirt if she does not get attn from H? And vice versa ok too? If they dont get attn they need to talk and sort it out. Does not give license to flirt. Is it me, or has IL gone bonkers based on which gender involved? Troll thread apart, surprised by what anika is saying and will say the opposite if guy flirts
     
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  9. anehstar

    anehstar Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Confused Husband,

    Couple of people read your story and found quite amusing, including me. Main point is there is a "serious trust issue between both of you". From your story, you seems to be a person who doubts his wife crazily.

    Ill go one by one :
    1. You caught her flirting with her best friend's husband. What did you do except just making an angry face for them to realize about your uncomfortableness? Did you sit together and discussed this calmly? Any such kind of behaviour judgement needs to be done after clarifying things from your spouse.
    2. You also claim that she was doing it for 2 years?? How is it possible when you used to check her phone, keep a track on her actions and still let this continue for 2 damn years? First of all checking someones phone itself is a clear breach of trust. What made you check her phone? Instead of checking her phone , why you didn't ask her openly.?
    3. You say "I do believe it however I strongly believe that she has "Flirted"." You are in 2 boats! You need to create a distinct line what is acceptable for you and what is not and tell her CLEARLY !! Is flirtng minus physical acceptable to you ? or both arent?
    4. You character assasinating her just by seeing some messages and texts is wrong on your part. Am not saying your wife is right here.. but this is a serious blame you can put on a person. You shouldnt unless you are 100% sure. and for clearing your doubt, she went for polygraph also? Awesome!! I do not believe that a person who is one side giving you divorce threats will agree to go for polygraph when she feels she hasnt done anything wrong! Why to prove ?? This again shows trust issues bw both of u.
    5. Now when she is calm and cool plus you also believe she wont repeat.. then why not forgive.. Why are you still holding onto the past. If you keep dwelling in the past, then you cant move ahead.

    You have narrated a one sided story where you made her appear a complete defaulter. But i guess it is always both ways? How are you treating your wife? Why she felt the need to flirt with other people? Do you really show you care for her.. love her? Do you give enough time to her? Do you feel you haven't done anything wrong in this relationship going bitter? Does she also doubts you, checks your phone. keeps an eye on your female friends?
    If you want to stay with her, then forgive her and move on. And never think and talk about this matter. You need to forget this whole stuff and start afresh! But if you continue to doubt her, then it would end up in a sour taste. You need to decide on your acceptable limits!!
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I did not mean that way.I am trying to understand the viewpoint of a woman.Maybe I was biased which I agree.I did not say it is ok for the woman to flirt but to understand why she does what she is doing and then as I said talk and sort it out
     

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