Why shoud i adjust ....what am i getting in return

Jyoti,

As much as I appreciate Your coming-out openly, I think You made a mistake by sms'ing Your in-laws that the marriage is void at Your end. I dont know what made You say so much to Your in-laws, but the damage was done then.

You have to make Your DH understand, that going through medical help is not for his parents but for himself and his married Life. I know its difficult when in-laws keep poking their nose in, but Your DH should understand this. Get him to understand this and sort this out first, rest later.

I didnt understand if Your in-laws live with You, if so its gonna be difficult to get Your DH understand but eventually he will. Since he is a nervous personality already, try not to get on his nerves even when he does the same to You. Please, atleast until he goes through the therapy.

All the Best.

 

hI

YOu did a mistake by smsing to your in laws .You Dh might have this problem and probably didn't know about it before marriage .You should have handled it more private with you and DH alone .if he is unwilling to undergo treatment then you should have seeked other methods .

any way past is past try to have frank talk with your DH and don't involve the in laws or your parents and try to convince him for a treatmnet .If he is reluctant then you can file for a divorce or in this case may not be even valid as it could be a void

 

Do you always do anything in life only if you get anything in return that is of your gain !!!

 

Oh come on. I think Jyoti's question is very fair once you read her story. As in.... I'm in a sexless marriage, my inlaws want all my money, so what happiness is there for me in this situation? At least that's what I understood her to mean. And, I don't think she is selfish at all for expecting a little happiness in her life and marriage. Who cares if she wants something in return for being this guys wife? Don't we all?! I mean which lady doesn't expect sex from her husband? Which lady wants to fork over all her money to her mil?

This lady isn't Jesus Christ to sacrifice her life for no personal gain. Of course she wants to gain in life, just like the rest of us! In fact it seems poor Jyoti wants nothing more than to get her self confidence and personality back, and hopefully a little intimacy from her dh. Very normal expectations in my opinion.

 

I totally agree with ASG. The girl has no conjugal relations with her husband, Her ILs interfere in her salary and what more should be expected from her? Do you mean that she should not expect any intimate relations with her husband and decent ILs cos its her gain and should live her life without any dreams and hopes of her own? Cut her some slack Nandu.

 

even i was wondering if it was nandu's reply and had to look at it again
IndianJyoti
i agree with others
talking to in laws would nt help much in such cases and they made use of your sms very tactfully but they dint understand they-are defaming their son here
talk to your dh again 1 year is way too long.convicne him to go to doctor as these things are common and can be taken care of easily with due treatments

 

First issue could have been handled more discreetly iwth more tact. SMS is bad way to communicate about such an issue. In arranged marriage it can take up to 6 months for a good sexual life to be established.

Second issue seems unreasonable.

Kavya

 

Every woman expects intimacy in her marriage. I completely understand your plight. But, remember that issues between couples should be sorted out amongst themselves. No third person should be involved. And certainly no in laws!! You should not have SMS ed your in laws. You should talk calmly to your husband and then decide the best course. In this kinda situation, one needs to be very patient coz nothing is going to change overnight. Good luck!

 

IndianJyoti,

You are so right with the concerns you have related to your relationship with your spouse as well as in-laws. Whatever happened in the past, is past, nothing much can be done about it.

I can understand your scenario as the same thing happened with a close friend; the only difference was that my close friend was a guy. He did not have any issues - but his wife was not keen on an intimate relationship. Even after 2 years of married life, they could not consummate their relationship. The hubby tried everything, love, patience, no inlaws interferences, etc, she was not ready to go to a doc, so forget therapy or even counseling. It was effecting his concentration, and work. Slowly both the sets of parents got involved, but it still didn’t help. They are divorced now. Well, we all might say - he is a man, how can a man stay in a platonic married life? But I feel, the same goes for a woman as well!! How much, or how little, well, its an individuals choice.... no body should judge a woman on ending a relationship because of no sex!

You have to push your hubby to get himself examined - whatever it takes to convince him. Believe me, he panicked because he knew the problem lies with him. And yes, you have the full rights to demand a divorce if he is not cooperating - you are currently not gaining anything from this relationship - no love, no confidence, and no money.