Why Only Women Has To Sacrifice Many Things After Marriage?

This is not fair. I can't even relate such unfairness with my life, although I am married to an Indian, of course different caste. state, religion, country etc..etc...
Although their perception and what they want in a marriage remains same. That is a girl should follow the culture, custom, etc..etc... of the groom's side after marriage, since she belongs to the groom's family only.
This is a crap, a crap followed in the name of tradition for many years. This looks as if a girl is like a sack of potatoes; thus the ownership gets transferred from parents' place to in laws' place. As if the girl has no rights or no ownership about her life. This is ridiculous, followed in the name of patriarchy.

Stay in your grounds just as how I stayed in my own ground.
Forget about yours or his's grandfather's death, which happened a long before even you or your H were born (I assume).
Unless you have a close emotional tie with the dead person; thus unable to celebrate anything on their death remembrance day, there is nothing like this to avoid a festival.
Since both of you are religious, and wants to raise your kids religiously by allowing them to celebrate these functions, I think it it great opportunity for both to start the celebration now.

Apply some tricks though. Don't go for a high end celebration when he is not ready for it. Just start with formalities, and religious way. Visit relatives, and make simple sweets at home. As years go by, you may increase the volume of how it needs to be celebrated at full stretch.

Same applies to the other festival, which you have negative feelings about - due to the death of your grand father.
Let him take the lead and celebrate, while you maintain a low profile due to the fact of grand father's death day.
But eventually, you may chose to chime in and make it a full fledged event.

But to answer your question in general, that who sacrifices the most after marriage...
There is no gender specific answers. The one who wants to work this marriage, the one who is dependent, the one who thinks all about the society, kid's well being, future etc..etc... tend to sacrifice the more.
Many times it is the women, as the women are dependent and worried much about the society. Since kids are tend to be with them primarily, their worry about their future is much more. That's why the society has made it default, and expect every married woman to adjust and sacrifice as a mandatory.
But there are plenty of men, who are married to stubborn or not so great wives do the same subtly. Since they are afraid of even to speak about the sacrifices they make at home, due to the fear of being judged as less masculine.
Again, blame the society.

Now a days, since both parties become stronger both personally and socially, the adjustment has become moderate from both ends.
A marriage needs big amount of adjustments and compromises to make it a success.

 

As I said, the one who doesn't wanna disturb the peace (not the real peace though) in their marriage, for whatever the reason (vulnerability, dependency, social reasons etc) would sacrifice, although they are not in terms with the sacrifices. Chances are high that their sacrifices may never be recognized. So, after certain amount of unrecognized sacrifices, these people tend to blast one day like a volcano.
Again no gender difference here. In your case, it is you who is worried about the above things. There are many women as you are.
But it is not limited to women only. Some men too suffer silently as you. Sadly their issues are unreported.

 

Op....you don't have to do something just because they say so.
Do you stay with in laws?
If not....just start small by doing puja and making a festive dish.
If he objects tell him it has been 30 years and it is time to let the grieving end.Even the dead don't want their families to grieve forever.Ask him if he wants to raise children who remember their greatgrandfather as someone because of whom they can't celebrate pongal like their friends.
or you could tell him you want to visit your parents during pongal.
You also should start celebrating the life of your grandfather on navmi instead of grieving.Would you want your children and grand children to stop celebrating festivals after you are gone?

You make the first move. This navmi,you celebrate the life of your grandfather.Pray for him,have a feast and set him free from the long grieving.

As for mil's comments....tell her that if you have a daughter,you will not raise her with the traditions of your marital family because what is the use of doing that...after all she has to undo and restart all over again when she gets married.

 

exactly what @yellowmango said.

You don't have to follow everything your in laws family does. Marrying doesnot mean you have to change . If they say something tell her you want to do it this way. or may be just don't have to say anything. just keep doing what you do and ignore any comments.

 

I think there is something wrong in your tradition. If a person dies, the concerned family mourns for a period of one year and at most they hold a ceremony for a few years. No body stops celebrating a festival their entire life mourning for a family member ( someone they haven't even met) who passed away. It is another matter if it is a personal thing, but traditionally nobody is required to mourn every year.

 

No it's not so. There are families that stop celebrating a particular festival if any such untoward incident happens during that festival. Like the OP's family.

What is beyond comprehension is the husband's grandfather was gone around this time and not on that day. So why'd they follow it?

OP, I guess change sets in gradually. This time you gave in. Slowly, over the years, with kids and new friends and Changing lifestyle, your husband will also change. How much and how long depends on a lot of things. First few years are always tough. You already have an identity but have to strive to make another. Fit into somebody's expectations with total non accomadating people who keep judging you for everything. I guess this is the biggest compromise and adjustment any girl goes through with marriage.