Why Not Heart Full Conversations...?

@Reesha,

Congratulations on your second baby and I realize you need a clean mind when you are carrying a baby. You are anxiously looking for your husband's kind words of love for you as the spouse whereas he is tied up with his overflowing duties towards your toddler, work schedule, assigning time for his parents, etc. and in the process failing to spare those few minutes of sweet talk with you. Have you communicated your specific need to him?

I get a strange feeling that you look at everything like a project including carrying a baby and your attitude is rubbing into how you perceive your husband. Enjoy carrying a baby, take time to talk to your baby, spend time thinking about your wonderful baby's future, how your husband was going to raise them well and so forth and so on. Why do you need to sweat on the small stuff? You are a mother of a 5 year old and you need to sacrifice little things like the expectations you have for the well-being of the baby you are carrying. Your mental condition will have significant impact on your baby. Relax, find positives you are already experiencing and consider the blessings you already have. You will do just fine. Now your husband's focus is your health and safe delivery and when focus is on that, he wouldn't understand other little requirements of yours.

All the best for a very happy life with your husband and two children.

Viswa

 

I agree with @Viswamitra
He has written exactly what was in my mind while reading your post.

Here, your husband's actions speak louder than his words on how much he loves you.
Observe his actions deeply and you will find he is communicating with you in different ways, all the time.

In one of my training classes at work the instructor's opening statement was, "The more responsibilities you have, the less privileges you get" .
A profound and true statement.
With a young child, this stage of life is definitely very busy with not time for much else, especially "sit-down" conversations. It is only a phase that will pass.

Just a question. Have you taken any initiative to get your husband and yourself some few minutes?
Such as -

• asking him to accompany you to a temple nearby
• asking him to meet you at lunch time at a restaurant

Best wishes for a very contented married life.

 

You seem to be searching for answers from others when you have the answer in your first paragraph above. Please read it yourself so that you can determine whether your expectation is right or wrong.

Viswa

 

the answer to your whole dilemma whether, your expectations are right or wrong lies in the above referred reply of yours.

don't misunderstand me, i am happy that you think you are your first priority, but isn't it more leaning towards, self centredness.. others may disagree with me.. but when you want emotional relationship, you give some, you show it, you see it in the acts of your loved ones..

if i were to interpret, calculate the pros and cons, the profit of --why is my husband talking to me sweetly at this moment, rather than enjoying and being involved in the moment, i lose the now, the moment on what i can build a better relationship.

sometimes all it takes is not being taken for granted by the spouse..to be noted, to be let known that you appreciatd what the other does for the relationship.

project family and project relationship could be broken into phases and tweaked well, and then run for bugs.

 

Dear sir, While i totally agree with your points. Right now OP focus should only be her delivery. But what she has told is also very important.

another child is a blessing, but it comes with its own share of things. there will be huge stress for a long time, around 5 years till the 2nd one listens to basic things.

OP, this is my suggestion, what you feel is very important too. I noticed that you have a argument free marriage, MARITAL COUNSELLING for such marriage works very well. because your spouse will be receptive to your feelings through a third person. When there is a bad marriage, ego plays tricks and spouse can start fighting back.

all you are asking is your H to spend time with you alone. It is not expecting a lot. It matters.

consider as devil advocate, after 2nd , life is more stressful, OP goes to work. some other jerk shows attention, then as humans we accept as our hearts is asking for that. then WHY or WHO to blame.

Your marriage is OK , your H is like mine. But he did realize after some years . We are not dating like movies starts, but a 30 mins coffee alone and talking random matters a lot to me.

But i feel this is not the right time to bring or bring it without confrontations as it might look that your hormonal.

 

Reesha, while I can fully understand your gripe, I have to say this - what you have described is a typical "happy" Indian marriage. That is how most Indian men are raised - to fulfil responsibilities. What you are expecting - mental and emotional compatibility, if I have understood right - are largely Western concepts. You say you are very practical. Let us face it. Indian marriages are more practical and emotions and mental compatibility come later, if at all.

As for kids, did you not want to have kids? I get the impression (I hope I am wrong) that you resent the kids because you feel you have to let go of many of your personal interests. But put yourself in their boots and imagine how it would be if your parents felt the same way about you. Now they are here just give them as much love as you can and enjoy their childhood. Those joyful memories will last you a lifetime.

 

I can totally feel your pain, Reesha.