Why Not Adoption Rather Than Infertility Treatments?

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by pihu123, May 18, 2016.

  1. pihu123

    pihu123 Silver IL'ite

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    I don't know why we ladies always go for giving birth to our own kids who should be of our own blood..We are ready to throw lots and lots of money after infertility treatments but we are never ready to adopt any kid...I don't know why and what is the reason behind it...we wait for so so long time to conceive and undergo so so much pains and infertility treatments..throw lots and lots of money after doctors which have now become business these days but never thought of adopting any kid...when we will change our minds...
     
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  2. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    Pihu, Adoption is definitely very noble. However, please don't trivialize the struggle for a child. It is not such a simple decision. One does attempt to try anything or everything before giving up hope for one's own biological child. Sometimes even if the couple is ready to adopt, the extended family creates problems. Each person has a different situation.
     
  3. msms

    msms Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @pihu123.. I understand that adopting an orphan kid is a very novel idea. But befor answering ..I would like to ask you..Do you have kids? Did you concieve without any difficulty? If yes then you will not understand what everybody here is going through. No body goes to the doctors or clinic willingly.....So many emotions are attached with having own child. Adoption is not easily accepted in our society i agree...But even if it is....its always easier said than done!
     
  4. hoping4amiracle

    hoping4amiracle Gold IL'ite

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    @pihu123 - Everyone's perspective is different on this. Many of us want to experience motherhood along with all the wonderful things that come along(conceiving, carrying a child in the womb for 9 months,giving birth,breastfeeding etc) -> I am not saying adopting a baby makes us less of a mother at all, just saying these are things a women want to experience. Some of us are afraid of the society and some of us cant even think adoption even as an option.. So,to each his own!! Its absolutely justifiable for any women to want a biological baby of her own, all these pains and medicines feel nothing when we finally get the baby in our womb(that's what every women who has undergone infertility treatments tells me,at least the ones i know)

    Even though adoption is a noble thing to do, there are many things we need to be sure of :
    - Gathering the support of the extended family like grandparents etc, many of our parents will not be able to be accept this idea as easily as us. this will lead them to treat the adopted kid differently than their cousins. Making them accept the adoption is still a difficult thing in many households
    - We ourselves need to be very strong since there is a very real possibility that the adopted kid may want to seek their birth mother/father etc once they turn old enough. This does happen and we cant blame the parents or kids for it.
    These are some things which came in my mind as of now and if we are strong enough to overcome all this and give the kid as good as a environment and life (which we would have provided our own), then adopting a kid is a wonderful option.

    Also, Just because it is a noble thing doesn't mean its the right thing to do for every women facing infertility and I think all the women(including me) who are going through all these troubles think its worth it!! We all want to try our best as of now, thats the current mindset of all of us I guess!!

    Sorry for the long post,and no offence to you!!
     
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  5. Vasumathy

    Vasumathy Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Biological child is what is still in peoples mind.. Its very difficult to bring changes.
    Do you know? After several years of struggle one turns pregnant with fertility treatments and the extended family checks on tummy to check if shes really pregnant on the baby shower day. People don't change much.
    Adoption is last resort to many, before that one has all right to try for their own blood.

    May be better people can throw money in improving their life style and leading a stress free life is better? I would love it if people could take up this.

    PS: I prefer these posts as separate thread rather than disturbing those other threads. I hope its OK with other ladies.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2016
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  6. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

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    @pihu123

    Adoption is indeed a wonderful option for people yearning to become parents. However there are a lot of factors to be considered . Definitely not an easy thing.

    We all want to experience pregnancy and child birth. Our belly expanding, the wonder of baby kicks /movements,That special moment when the doc/nurse holds out a purple wriggly thing and says 'mom,here is your baby'.
    The pain and pleasure of breastfeeding,which will make you feel sympathetic to a cow.
    To look for features of yourself and your spouse in the baby- the inexplicable joy of seeing both the parents' features blended so perfectly on that tiny creature.
    To feel great about all the complex things you body is capable of doing in order to nurture the LO.
    To feel proud of yourself because you created a life.

    Many a times the obstacles are our relatives and the society

    Your parents and in laws might not accept the child as their grand kid. I have an adopted cousin .though all the cousins are close, she is considered different -an outsider. We all plan outings and party together.but most of the times she is left out.Even when we try to include her,there is an awkwardness. It could most probably be because we were told she is adopted when we were kids

    Last but not the least,adopting a baby is a long process.it might involve endless waiting, tedious/complex paper work and adoption procedures.it can be as nerve wracking as ttc itself (if not more)
     
  7. hoping4amiracle

    hoping4amiracle Gold IL'ite

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    @Vasumathy , its great you moved it to a separate thread !! This is a separate discussion after all..
     
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  8. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, you have brought out a very valid point. Sadly, the mentality is such that 'own blood' has more value. I have thought just like you have. Rather than add to the overflowing population, why not create a life not necessarily from our own flesh and blood? Unfortunately most people will react with disdain.

    One member of this very forum had commented on a post where somebody was trying very desperately to adopt like this - adopted 'people' (not children) will not be like our own, it is better if you go for IVF or surrogacy, don't adopt. When the rudeness was pointed out, the poster went into defense mode and said things like, 'I did not mean this, I meant that', but the damage was done as far as I was concerned. The poster only made it worse with the later comments and defenses.

    Society has a long way to go before getting rid of stereotypes.
     
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  9. Agony

    Agony Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Adoption is definitely a noble thing to do !
    That way we should also ask the woman who conceive naturally n effortlessly to adopt right ? Why should a mother go through the 9 months of trouble & the ultimate pain of delivery ?? Right ? Why not just go easy way and adopt kids ..

    What u missed is , the emotions attached .. And the feelings of a mother and her emotions attached to the baby in her tummy.. Nothing in the world could replace it !
    And I would also want to add that everyone has the right to try for their biological child..
    And I can vouch that the couple don't mind the pain and turmoil they go through the whole TTC journey when eventually they have their LO..

    Don't mind, ur post is actually belittling the efforts of all the brave women who hang in there for years together and do whatever it takes to have their own child !

    And why only adoption there r other noble things one can do as a Samaritan :)
    Charity ofcourse !

    Sorry if I may come across as rude , but this is the maximum I could do.
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Adoption is not like going to the store, choosing the baby you like and coming home to happily ever after. At least in the US it is a very difficult, expensive and long- drawn out process. It is very difficult to adopt an infant to start with, as the birth mother can change her mind till the baby is born. Can you imagine the heartache for adoptive parents in this situation? Also the older children who are in foster care often have significant special needs. And the whole process costs tens of thousands of dollars.
    Most people also want open adoptions these days, where the birth family maintains an ongoing relationship with the child. One has to be comfortable with these arrangements. International adoptions come with their own issues.
    It would be best if we realized that infertility is a curse for anyone who goes through it, and that people are the best judges of their own situations. In other words, be supportive instead of questioning others' choices. Until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, no one really knows what the other person is going through.
     

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