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Why is my husband doing this? Is this belittling me ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Nov 19, 2013.

  1. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Recently we went to india to attend my dh's elder bro son's marriage. Always his family never gave any respect to me and dh will always try to be different. If at all i try to talk to his relatives, i dont know he would just cut the talking abruptly and start his conversation. Not only he but also his mother or his bros wife. Not only that he would say tht my father and bro family fully settled in usa. Why is he doing this? Wht does he get out of this? What should i do to avoid this. Is it wrong tht my father is living with bro in usa. I tried talking to dh, he gets irritated and says he didnt mean to do anything like tht but its quiet abvious . Pl advice me. Or am i just imagining?
     
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  2. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    I just dont understand why does my dh cut my conversation with his relatives and also he keeps telling every1 tht my dad stays with my bro in usa and they r citizens. Is this kind of belittling me or whts he trying to do?
     
  3. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    What is the issue here?

    Your in-laws, DH, BIL's wife not letting you to talk to their relatives?

    Mostly in-law's never likes DIL's to talk to their relatives since they want to get the full attention. Probably your in-laws are sugar coated people and you are a straight forward one. If that is the case your in-laws may not want spoil the relationship with their relations. It is your in-laws who should get the attention, keep the relationship with their relatives. If they dont like better you keep a distance. (wondering when you talk to their relatives wont you mention that your father and brother are settled in USA?)

    Your husband mentioning that your father and brother settled fully in the USA?

    Why are u so insecure to let others know that your father and brother settled in USA. I know many people in India feel good to let other's know their folks settled in USA. May be your husband too feel that. Some people feel bad if they don't mention about their folks. But some people like you feel good if they don't mentioned about your folks.

    These issues you have mentioned here crop up in the first few years of marriage. But I hope you are married for so many years. Is it that you didn't have enough time then but you have now to over analyze things.
     
  4. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Its just tht my dh puts this thing prominently tht my dad and my fmly are us citizens.and now i too live in usa. Is this kind of bad or good. Y does he mention it with inverted comas thts wht makes me think why should he do this?
     
  5. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    so what you are meaning is that my dh and his family think that im not good at conversing with their relatives or they want to take full attention.. Can you pl be more blunt!
     
  6. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    In India it is considered higher status to live in US that too as a citizen. why so many people are looking for onsite opportunities. Have you not heard of people asking for US alliances for marriage. To be blunt your thinking is childish. It is so so normal to show of that brother, fil are US citizens.

    why is it belittling you if your husband mention's your dad and brother are us citizens? what do you think that is there in you husband's mind when he says this.

    I think you feel belittling you since you, your husband, kids are not US citizen's but only your father and brother?
     
  7. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    No no we r not here for my bro or my dad. Its purely for my daughters education
     
  8. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Do not talk to his relatives unless they initiate the conversation.
    2. When he says that your dad stays with your bro, smile and nod your head and say "Yes, my brother is doing his duty perfectly, and my dad is adjusting well in the USA at this age."

    It is possible that he wants to show off to his relatives saying that he is married to a woman from a family that is settled in the US. And why do you have to wonder whether it is wrong for your dad to stay with bro and all that? What your siblings and parents do is none of your DH or his family's business.
     
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  9. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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  10. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    The moment he says this his fmily ppl stop any further talk to me. Y is this happening. They immediately say tht dh's mother is very strong. Wht does this mean?
     

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