Why in-laws want to act like parents for our babies?

Say, NO. That's all there is to it. Like this...

"Thanks, but I want to take care of the baby myself. I don't want him leaving me to go to India for 6 months, and when you guys are here, just relax and leave the 'mommy stuff' to me. He'll just be a small baby and he needs to be with mom. That's what me and '(insert hubby's name)' want and have decided on. But thanks anyways!"

If your mil asks again, just say NO THANKS THATS NOT WHAT WE WANT!

 

OP, play the cards right, dont start with a " NO" on face if some one suggest, that is always possible.

Try to see if there is any one in DH family who is senior other than his mom, however the way you describe she is intruding a lot, on bed talking to son on wedding night too much.....

If you have some confidence then bring your White Knight, so that you are not alone v.s the gang of DH family, you will not win, even if they let baby live with you , they will cause other problems, if your DH is not siding you its going to become very tough and you will have no option but to divorce him, if he is bent upon taking the baby to India, is it because you can work and bring in Money ,otherwise you will have to resign since baby care is not easy and some people dont want day care for some years or never?

 

ottawagirl,

Just give a ultimate to your husband that no matter what you are not sending your kid to india.If you can't manage then you will take break from your work.
Guys ,at this point they are not really attached to new born and they will have no knowledge what baby really means.Once the baby born they will start attach to the new born.So don't worry at this point now but do tell your husband about it.When really start talking in your house be blunt.

Does your BIL has kids?What is there situation?

 

How can they take the baby from mother, I dont want to generalise but just my observation, I have seen in South Indians esp AP people they will have their small kids go to India so that wifey can work, I have a neighbor from AP, who has 2 kids, one kid is 2 years old and baby 6 months old, his wife went to India after her mom visited her in US and now the wifey is coming back just with 2 year old and the baby will live at her mom place(the wifey does not work though, as she cant on h4)

There are two more cases from AP I have known in close circles.

A year back my mother was travelling to India , she met a old lady beside with a small baby in her hand, she asked who she is, she said its my daughters baby , they dont have time in US, they both work , so I am taking her with me to India....she was 3 months old baby. The parents did not even bother to take baby to India with them.

 

my mother-in-law said the same thing when my son was born last year ... I'll take him to India and raise him to be the most wonderful human being in the world just like his father. I would get irritated and my dh would just laugh it off. i told her so many times he is my son and I will raise him but she continued to say it. finally she mentioned it in front of a guest that she wanted to take my son to india. I told her (in front of the guest) "well your daughter left her daughter at your house and you send her back because you said you could not take care of her. what makes you think you can take care of my son?" she was shell-shocked and stuttered and stammered and started coming up with excuses why she could take care of my son and not her daughters's daughter. but after that she neven mentioned wanting to take my son again ;-)

 

Tell her to back off with her drama. And next time she talks such BS over the phone put it on speaker and later tell your hubby how it hurts you. Tell him, how would he feel if your parents say that they will take his baby away with them.

Its good your Mom is going to be there for your delivery. Don't get upset by your stupid MIL saying silly things for your Mom. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy and delivery and enjoy your time with baby and hubby as a family so that he bonds well with the newborn.

If they tell you that you just do your job and they will care for the baby, tell them you have already decided to resign for 2 years and don't want to work while your baby is young. And if required do resign and take a break to stop them from giving you any nonsense.

You did not mention how your hubby takes his interfering Mom. If he does not support you stop looking for his support and take everything in your hands on how to deal with MIL. IF he is supportive, don't worry, he will not let his Mom cross the limits.

Take good care.

 

Dont worry things will change when you deliver baby. My MIL/Mom said the same thing they said once the baby is born they will take turn and take care of him. When I went to India last time I ended up doing all feeding/bathing all work for my son as they didnt have any energy to take care of him. They will say they will take care of him but even for diaper change they will call me. wait and see .
with kids they need a lot of energy even we young people dont have that energy

 

Be firm and say a polite "NO", no point in torturing yourself. A baby belongs to his mother and with no one else, period. Tell you MIL that the baby needs to be with his mother and you are capable to take care of the kid. Start saying "No" politely and firmly every time she talks about taking the kid back. The more "NO"s she will hear, she will eventually get the idea that baby will stay with you.

 

I don't know weather it's just a trend in AP and not in other places, because I don't know any families from north.
I beleive most of the times,men doesn't contribute enough to support wife and new born.That's women tend to feel this way sending new born to india becuase parents offer it.
My husband changed lot now but when my elder daugther born,he used to call people every week end and he was not caring either for me nor for new born.That time ,I didn't even know how to handle the situation also.
If the wife is not even working then it clearly shows she doens't have enough support from her husband.To raise small kids here we really need 4 hands.2 hands won't be enough even the women is house wife.So mostly people don't get other 2 hands.