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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Usually mom’s are happy to come and they won’t have much problems with Son in law mostly..but in-laws in many cases find it a problem coz they feel helping the dil
     
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  2. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    What @Topaz49 said is quite true. My parents love visiting me in the USA. They come almost every other year but I have never expected them to babysit. My kids go to daycare/summer camp as usual. My mom doesn't have much patience with the kids. My dad is great with the kids but gets tired of their constant hyper energy level.

    Since I am the one who books tickets, I invite them for a max 3 months. I can't entertain my parents for 6 months and it is not fair for them to sit and bored for a long time. For 2-3 months I can manage. I change my schedule to go home early. I fix them breakfast and order Indian food a few times a week for hot lunch. My husband usually cooks dinner or I make something simple. My parents don't cook mainly because they don't know where things are in our kitchen and they have a cook at home and they are not used to cooking anymore.

    Mostly, they enjoy talking to our neighbors, taking short walks, going to the library with us, and watching Hindi movies and most of all- just sitting and talking to me. We enjoy evening tea together and talk about random stuff. We used to go on trips within the USA but on the last trip my parents told us not to plan any travel. They get tired of sightseeing and sitting in the car. They would rather stay at home.

    Long stay can be difficult for both parties. My dad has a tendency to make comments- he would comment on how my kids don't speak Hindi, they wore diapers until 2.5 years, etc. It annoys me and I do get irritated at times but I have also learned to ignore my dad's comments or make him aware that I don't like it. We are usually fine 5 minutes after bickering about things. My husband stays out of our arguments.

    My in-laws are American. They never expect us to stay at home with them when they are visiting. We leave one car for them to go around the city. They only come for a week or max 10 days, so we do the same as we do for my parents. Try to get home early and relax together. They offer to pick up my son from school and since they enjoy doing that we are happy with it. My MIL tries to help with the cooking but we eat very different meals than them (we prefer more vegetable-based, made from scratch meals and my in-laws are open a can and fix quick meal type) so she could never figure out what to cook.

    We have a cleaning lady who comes every week so no one has to clean. When my parents are visiting, I pay her extra to iron my dad's clothes (he won't wear without ironing).

    It is a lot of planning and management (and learning to let go of things that we can't change) but the reward is that we and our kids get to spend quality time with their grandparents.
     
  3. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Yesterday, I talked to a DIL whose MIL stays with her and does cook for her son. DIL knows that she cooks for her son. I asked her, how she felt that her MIL cooking for her son?
    Her response, what difference does it make? I work long hours and I am happy that she cooks and takes care of my husband. I eat if she cooked a dish that I like.
     
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  4. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    :clap2:
    You have such a positive attitude and you recognize that there is a “reward”. It gives an opportunity for your kids to bond with their grandparents and each of you to spend time with your parents. You can’t have relationship without adjustments and there is no standard formula, you do learn as you go along…It takes willingness.
     
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  5. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Sorry, I can't reply to all individual threads..
    No one is right or wrong here.

    I accept adjustment is needed for relationships..But, there is a end line for adjustment..When it isn't reciprocated, it's natural for people to react.
    I can understand what anika says..I don't wish to judge her, it's just what she feels..It shows that her wounds are very deep and I can understand it
     
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  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    agreeing with @nuss is not a judgement against someone else's point of view.
     
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  7. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    I didn't say you judged her
     
  8. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank You @Myliltwincesses
    What caught my eye in @nuss post was how she tries to come home early to be with parents or ILs. I have highlighted where she mentions shortcomings of each.

    My response of "positive attitude" is for her maturity and how she makes the most out of the situation and enjoys herself with the whole family. That is what life is all about.
    +++
    Since I am the one who books tickets, I invite them for a max 3 months. I can't entertain my parents for 6 months and it is not fair for them to sit and bored for a long time. For 2-3 months I can manage. I change my schedule to go home early.


    My dad has a tendency to make comments- he would comment on how my kids don't speak Hindi, they wore diapers until 2.5 years, etc. It annoys me and I do get irritated at times but I have also learned to ignore my dad's comments or make him aware that I don't like it. We are usually fine 5 minutes after bickering about things. My husband stays out of our arguments.


    My in-laws are American…. so we do the same as we do for my parents. Try to get home early and relax together. They offer to pick up my son from school and since they enjoy doing that we are happy with it. My MIL tries to help with the cooking but we eat very different meals than them (we prefer more vegetable-based, made from scratch meals and my in-laws are open a can and fix quick meal type) so she could never figure out what to cook.
    +++
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
  9. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    Parents are the primary caregivers which I do agree but I have seen both sides of the coin and for me all one needs is who is providing the kids with the best care possible.

    I have seen where there are adorable relationships between the in laws and kids and they usually take turns to visit their kids and take care of their grandchildren. The parents are relieved of not only the financial burden but also the joy they get by living with them. Though it’s not common, I have always wondered that those people are blessed to have such relationships. I have even seen the grandkids continuing their good relationships with the grandparents later on in life.

    I have seen the other end as well where the in laws have a biased relationship with their daughter in laws and so they don’t get on well. Many a times they have been taunting the dil and actually had ruined the relationship beyond repair even before the grandkid comes into picture. In such situations they are bound to lose much of the continuing relationship with grandkids.

    For me there is no hard and fast rule, I am agreeable to whichever works for their family situation and as long as it works, I am okay for it.
     
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  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @Topaz49, you quoted my post where I said "some grandparents." But then you go on to say "label on ILs of the world isn't fair." Some does not mean all. It specifically means not all. Where did my post convey that I was putting "a label on ILs of the world?"

    Then you add "One can say my ILs ..." Whose ILs are you talking about? Please clarify.

    Thank you.
    .
     
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