1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    153
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    You are entitled to have your own opinion..

    But I have to write this - It's high time that we stop correlating woman with her education, job, etc and labeling her as 'rebel' in case she has her own views.

    I feel that, a mother whether educated or not, should have freedom to say and do what she feels good for her kids.. Both father and mother should be primary decision makers..Elders can advise, but, only parents can make a final decision.

    If a mother depends fully on elders for child care, few elders comment "She
    doesn't know anything.. Everything I have to do"
    If she learns something from a professionaly qualifed person and does that, then she is labelled as "she isn't respecting elders and behaves as if she knows everything".
     
    kaluputti likes this.
  2. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    3,890
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Let me share my experience. As both me and DW were working the responsibility of our daughter fell on my mother. But she enjoyed it and the kid loved granny's company. In fact she was so protective of her grandmother that she could not tolerate any thing critical said about her. grandparents make excellent babtsitters as long as thy enjoyed the work.
     
    Amica, sbonigala, sweetsmiley and 4 others like this.
  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    807
    Likes Received:
    944
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    As others have already said, i too agree it takes a village to raise a child...
    Support for child care can be in different forms, I.e grandparents looking after kid so themselves...it depends on interest, health, age of kid etc ..or looking after kid with help of paid helps like full time maid or nanny, else partial child care support like picking up kid from school or school plus day care and looking after kid till parents come back home from work...maybe a nanny could be arranged just for few hours in evening then or grandparents manage kid on their own for few hours...
    Worst case, grandparents in joint family too elderly not confident to look after or not very healthy, but not bedridden...they can atleast stay at home with son, DIL and and do basic stuffs like some light helps with domestic chores like food prep, or supervision of domestic helps like cooks, cleaning maids, etc while sit in one place to get work done and be available for emergencies like kid not well, or one parent travelling etc...moral support during kid exams like helping revision of general subject, sitting with kid and assiting with small activities or home work...MILs good at kitchen work can assist in cooking or supervise cook... cut veggies...meal prep...need not run around kid but can atleast sit in one place and make kid to eat...make kid sleep next to them when parent is unwell and needs to rest etc...is it too much to ask for when staying in a joint family...
    Some retired couples visit their kids living abroad for few months and so they can be of some help...remaining months maybe other set grandparents visit and few months the couple manage on their own ..that’s also ok...
    Easier with an older kid, compared to baby or toddler or pre school kid...
    .so different options could be worked out depending on situation...
    If grand parents say they do not want to be involved in child care at all, I mean none of options work out...maybe as they want to enjoy, or they have some other commitments.
    In a joint family , grandparents unless seriously ill or indisposed or bed ridden and immobile, need to pitch in in their own way to support working parents of kids...
    in some, way possible... Or any of grandparents are still working not retired, or else serious health issue etc..then couple should have option of staying in a nuclear family...
    In that case grandparents who want to completely enjoy retired life’s an dont expect too much support from kids need to stay separately so they can relax and let the couple live their lives...
    I have seen many of working women in my family and friends circle, going out of the way to look after age s in laws when they had supported them in the past...during pregnancy and child care...also have seen many reluctant to offer help to aged in laws when they had completely refused to offer help in the past...not judging at all..
    Just human tendency...
    So now many MILs are smart, they lovingly look after their grand kids, support working DILs and maintain cordial relations...making them totally dependant on in laws....many working ladies feel relieved when kid is in safe hands....so they too are cherished and well cared for during old age And enjoy emotional and physical support of family...
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  4. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    153
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes, if grandparents willingly do so, they are excellent baby sitters
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    954
    Likes Received:
    307
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Our gen., have 3 teen g.children, child rearing was exchange of ideas,tips etc., with elders (no internet at least for us)and accommodating so as to not make them feel redundant. Going by your first post, you seem to be a kind hearted, understanding dil and have great respect for elders...and in the blessed situation where you can experience and enjoy, savor all the milestones of your kids...and not regret later. Best wishes.:blush:
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  6. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    954
    Likes Received:
    307
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    "I have seen many of working women in my family and friends circle, going out of the way to look after age s in laws when they had supported them in the past...during pregnancy and child care...also have seen many reluctant to offer help to aged in laws when they had completely refused to offer help in the past...not judging at all..
    Just human tendency..."
    not human at all, but turning relationships into business....present trend. And those people also talk of charity...to total strangers (in return for personal welfare in future,name & fame...???) forgetting that it starts at home with people around us and then should percolate to the society.It is only my opinion.
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,346
    Likes Received:
    7,468
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I object when said relationships have turned to business.One can not generalize and one has not been in others shoes and what they went through.Also,it is not like everyone is perfect.If a person has a good mil or a dil does not mean they are perfect people.They might make mistakes
    In other relationships.


    I am a daughter,a mom,is a dil,has cosisters,a sil..so I play all the roles here and I can say with pride that my cosisters like me a lot and my sil(now ex) had a lot of affection towards me though she was not able to get along with my brother.I also grew up in a joint family and hence I know what is love,adjustment ,tolerance ,respecting others.


    My mil is not good to me.Having sai baba in mind,I can honestly say I tried and tolerated a lot.She wants to stay in old age with me not coz she has affection towards me but out of convinence.My cosisters are very strong women and straightforward.I am soft spoken and try to tolerate.

    I have been tortured emotionally and after a certain age they want to be taken care of?

    Yes they will be financially and also with a lot of other help but the personal touch might be missing.

    I will never stop my husband from
    Providing help financially,medical help,my kids and hubby can even stay days with them and Infact I told my hubby they I will move to a small room apt even in the next street and the in-laws can even stay with the kids and him in the current home.Also,I can bring food everyday and for every meal to them BUT staying with them in the same house cannot be done by me.That is the only thing I ask.

    If this makes me a bad person and am
    Doing adharma..so be it.

    Relationships are not a business to everyone.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,250
    Likes Received:
    10,296
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Willingness is the key here.

    Be it grandparents, or baby sitters or day care people.... as long as they are willing to take care of the kid, they would be the excellent care takers.
    But if there is no willingness from the care taker's side, then it will be a serious problem.

    Not all the baby sitters (be it anyone) are doing this willingly.
    Some do it out of love. Some do it out of care & affection. Some do it for money. Some do it as a passion. But there are plenty who do it unwillingly. They are forced to do this for whatever the reason best known to them only.

    A few years back, we hired a nanny and who appeared to be a willing care-taker to our kids. We agreed to pay a good salary, and everything seemed so well initially. But later, we found out that she wasn't interested in this job, rather she was very much allergic to kids and the mess they make. She was forced to accept this job, because there was some financial crisis at her end.
    It was apparent in the manners that she behaved with the kids.

    Imagine how terrible it would have been to leave young kids in the hands of some unwilling baby sitters. It is so hard to judge them unless we stay with them or have someone to monitor them closely. Kids can't communicate so clearly.
    Same happens in day cares and even with grand parents. Their willingness matters.
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,250
    Likes Received:
    10,296
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Well, honestly speaking I wouldn't be happy to leave my job or spend extravagantly to assist my PILs as they become our complete dependents. I wouldn't do that willingly, but perhaps I wouldn't comment if my H would want to support.
    The reason behind is, that they were cruel to me. They spoiled my initial days of marriage, my pregnancies and my career to a greater extend. I had to suffer a lot, and struggle throughout the first phase of my marriage to survive. During this phase, I had people like my own mom, my siblings, a couple of friends and colleagues who stood by me. They supported me a lot, and that's why I am here today.
    So, it is logical for me even to move mountains for those people who were there for me when I needed them.
    I would do casual helps wholeheartedly for those who didn't disturb (neither helped, nor caused problems in my life), because helping is in my nature.
    But how can I help for those who destroyed my past?
    Well, I might... down the line if they repent for their mistakes, and apologized.

    It is a business... Life is a business anyways. You reap what you sow. You get what you give. No one is saint here
     
  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    533
    Likes Received:
    589
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Unfortunately, grandparents have become babysitters for the younger generation parents who moved to USA. I have heard from many that they feel obliged. They don't complain; but, are happy to return home.
     
    Amica and anika987 like this.

Share This Page