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Why I Believe That Grand Parents Aren't Baby Sitters?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Feb 14, 2020.

  1. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Note: I have written what I feel about this topic.Everyone is entitled to have an opinion and this is mine.

    I strongly feel that grand parents shouldn’t be considered as baby sitters..

    My personal opinion is that me and my husband are primarily responsible for raising my girls and not others..

    I resigned my job when I got pregnant with twins..I live in a joint family and take care of my 1 year old girls.

    I feel that grand parents should be fully willing in taking responsibility of managing kids and they shouldn’t just do it due to compulsion, expectations or any other reasons.

    After my twins were born, I had a conversation with my in laws..I told them clearly that I know it’s difficult at their age to take care of kids and I suggested hiring a nanny full time to help me, but they were reluctant to accept that idea..So, I dropped it..

    I do all my kids’ related works and they too help me whenever I am in need of it.

    I told them that they are always free to make their own plans in their retired life – Be it a visit or stay at their another son or daughter’s place any time or to go to any pilgrimage tour whenever they wish so.. There is no compulsion to stay with us always to take care of our kids.They can always opt out of this whenever they feel worn out or need a change..

    So, whenever my in-laws aren’t available, me and my husband take care of kids and when my husband is busy with his job, I manage them up alone.

    I don’t expect my in-laws or my parents to take care of my kids..So, I am not affected if they aren’t available..I don’t know whether I will go to job again..Even if I do so, I have decided to hire baby sitters and not to burden Grand parents.

    I believe that due to this no expectations regarding child care, there aren’t many misunderstandings..I have my own way of raising my kids and they also don’t feel tied up with more responsibilities..I am grateful for their help, but I don’t wish to fully rely on others for child care.

    So, what do you think about this?? Please comment regarding your views.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2020
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  2. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

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  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Great thinking. Those who are working leave their children with grandparents. As you mentioned they should keep a maid to assist them in looking after grandkids. In that way grandkid will be under the supervision of their grandparents. Children learn a lot fro. Grandparents
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  4. sln

    sln Finest Post Winner

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    .

    I believe that due to this no expectations regarding child care, there aren’t many misunderstandings..I have my own way of raising my kids and they also don’t feel tied up with more responsibilities..I am grateful for their help, but I don’t wish to fully rely on others for child care.

    So, what do you think about this?? Please comment regarding your views.

    Note:This post has been already published in my personal blog myliltwincesses.wordpress.com[/QUOTE]
    A very wise decision.It however depends on the age of the grand parents and the age of the grand children.By nature grandparents love their grandchildren and it is a value addition for the grand children.But to run after them through the day is a tiresome job.They have toiled hard to reach a stage when they can relax and it is nice of you to leave them free.
    SLN
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Good to see another post from you, OP.
    I agree with the gist of your post -- parents are responsible for the care of their children. Grandparents have done their part of bringing up children and deserve to spend their time without being tied down to the responsibility of supervising a maid/nanny or of taking care of the grandchild themselves.

    But, generally speaking, reliable babysitters or creches are still hard to find in India. And so is reliable assisted living or care for the very old. I've seen some families where the DIL had to quit work, never went back to work, and never forgave her in-laws for not helping with babysitting. In one case, it is now payback time. The DIL does not oppose it but does openly ask the old in-laws to move in with them. They are too proud to move in unless she insists.
     
  6. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, Viji Amma children learn a lot from Grand Parents
     
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  7. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    A very wise decision.It however depends on the age of the grand parents and the age of the grand children.By nature grandparents love their grandchildren and it is a value addition for the grand children.But to run after them through the day is a tiresome job.They have toiled hard to reach a stage when they can relax and it is nice of you to leave them free.
    SLN[/QUOTE]
    Yes, running after Grand children is difficult
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  8. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks, Rihana..yes, it's difficult to find good creches or baby sitters here..If the grandparents are willing, they can supervise the baby sitters..If not, then devices like camera helps a lot in supervising.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  9. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, I agree with you if I had lived in a nuclear family. If I had to live in a joint family, I won't mind in sharing the babysit responsibility with grandparents. Without a choice a new DIL or a new mother is given the responsibility to cook and do household chores, let grandparents do the same in babysitting their GCs, if they live together.
    There are few grandparents who would happily babysit their grandchild and cunningly dump all houseworks on the new mother. If the DIL is also working outside, then she is left with less bonding time with her child. This is one of a reasons why many women would resign after delivery, even though they stay in a joint family.
    In some families, grandparents play a big role in modelling GCs from babysitting to their adulthoods. The family as whole are lucky.
    In some families they pamper GCs a lot and raise spoiledbrats. Some cunning in-laws even steal the bonding mom and GCs purposefully. we read all shades of above stories here to prove this.
    It all depends on each family dynamics.
    Each family and people involved are different, on size doesn't fit all.
     
  10. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Our children are our responsibility and it is great that this arrangement works out for you.

    Situations differ, each one has her own story. Like for me, work hours here are longer, and DH works till late, I didnt trust the idea of leaving my infant with a baby sitter, and yes camera options were very limited in the early 2000s and so was working from home. So my decision was to quit my job and stay with my kids till they were 2+ yrs . Then I put them in a child care and got a full time helper - grand parents visited whenever they could which was more than 6 months every year. Where I live I could afford a nanny full time, my parents were healthy and loved taking care of the kids.

    For some single salary may not be an option, for some the grandparents may not be around, for some the husband thinks raising children is mother's job, for some may have had terrible baby sitter experience - Not all have the luxury of staying at home. ( :p @anika987 )

    But I do get your perspective. Sometimes we tie down grandparents into being primary care givers - putting a strain on them physically and emotionally. And they feel pressured into being pseudo parents. Sometimes it leads to issues when Grandparent's parenting style is very different from that of the parents'. Being mindful of not being too dependent on them will help. A grandparent's love and pampering is a beautiful thing in reasonable doses.
     

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