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Why Guy Home Is Matrimoniat Home, Not Girls?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, May 16, 2022.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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  2. RiaME

    RiaME Senior IL'ite

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    Implicating someone in fake dowry case indeed amounts to committing mental cruelty. That is very correct.

    The rest of the stuff like matrimonial home and parents home, it's just pure Patriarachial mindset of society and the aged judges who's thinking is old school.

    Poor girl, pity her. It's better she gets divorced and lead a happy life than stay with the guy n his parents.

    But why get married in the first place?
    Can't help many girls r too innocent and naive as they won't give a thought that they have to stay with the boys parents after marriage in Indian society. They realise it only after they get married.
     
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  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    It's always a biased society in India.
    No one thinks about the girls parents. Who would take care of them in old age?
     
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  4. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Here we go blaming 'patriarchy again', situation for NRI's (patriarchy here too?) is very similar, 95% of girls jump at opportunity to marry someone in the US and abandon parents back in India. Why are these highly educated (modern?) gals happy to come as 'dependents' in 21'st century?

    "First of all, at the very top of the list of H1B visa holders in the USA, Indians are present in the highest numbers. With that in mind, in the fiscal year of 2017, the total number of beneficiaries was 276,423. It is interesting to point out that there seems to be a gender disparity when it comes to Indian H1B visa holders in the USA. More specifically, only 20.4 percent out of the total number of visa holders are female. The rest of 80 percent are males. Of the female visa holders 78.3% filed for H1B after arriving on H4 visa"
     
  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Nope. Most of them jump to USA because they want to escape torture living with inlaws
    Married girls living in India need to get permission from husband/inlaws to go to their parent's house. Haven't we seen lots of posts here regarding this?
     
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  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Could you provide the source for this figure please?

    Also, what is the source of your quote? And does it say what percentage of male visa holders filed for H1B after arriving on H4 visa?

    Thank you.
    .
     
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  7. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I wont disagree with you that many women I have seen want to marry NRIs. Their reasons for going abroad are usually money and also living away from inlaws .
    But all women don't fall into this category.
    Every woman is different, and a woman who is in India and wants to take care of her parents should not be denied that just because some other women are marrying NRIs.
     
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  8. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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  9. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Can't disagree with your sentiment that each woman is different, but women going abroad are the 'most highly qualified (debatable but they do manage to get jobs in top companies after getting H1 or Greencard through hubby)'. When these elite women are jumping at the chance to go abroad and become fully dependent (on H4) on their hubbies (H-4 Work Authorization Act: Priority Bill Spotlight ; Some 87% of H-4 spouses are women, and most are in their late twenties or their thirties), how can you blame 'patriarchy'? It has been this way for the past 30 years (since 92), most H1B's are men, marry in India and bring wife along. Given US tech companies stated preference to hire more women for diversity, why are we not seeing 90+% of H1B's going to women and 90% of H4's going to men?

    My opinion is that these 'elite' women are choosing easy and less risky path and don't think about parents during marriage. Looks like they are very happy to take advantage of 'patriarchy' provided benefit, but when hubby reminds her of 'patriarchy' obligation to take care of in-laws first, its all whining and tears about parents being left alone.

    If this is behavior we are seeing in US, how can anyone believe Indian women are not acting similarly, i.e. voluntarily jumping to marry someone with better job/higher status, then cribbing about not being able to take care of parents
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Isn't still patriachy, following husband to live with him. Most of the alliances are fixed by parents through arranged marriages, so jumping to marry wont apply to all. These parents of girls are depending on their sons like in typical Indian marriage to takecare of them and are well aware of the tradition(patriarchial family setup) that girls wont stay with them after marriage. Then why you blame girls here. Do you think girls can take a decision on marriage so easily, even if they are well educated/qualified or elite, unless they have very supportive parents in this patriarchial society. Its ok if you are mentioning girls who elope without families permission. Most of the marriages are well arranged by both sets of parents. Also, there are girls who are not aware of h4 status and problems. There are also many men who marry H1 visa/ gc holder or american citizen for easy path. This include elite men too.

    Its always better to discuss expectations before marriage. Also, its the responsible of all children to takecare of their parents, son/ daughter in law should just provide the support if needed. Its also good for parents if they allow their children to live their life and dont depend on them unless its needed.

    OP, you already know that patriarchial social setup is the reason, but we dont know the inside stories here. Similar judments were given earlier too by the courts in India.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2022
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