1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Why Does My Husband Do This To Me ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    636
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    I am a quiet person. I don’t talk much. Barely talk. But even if I feel like talking and start talking to him or even my kids the second I start talking he dials someone on the phone or starts vacuuming and drains me out. Why does he do that. Or even I go to his room to share something that makes me happy and adter a loooong conversation of about at least 20 minutes he says calmly “what did u say” or if I talked about something he says the exact opposite. I immediately bang the door and come out of his room. This happens every single time I talk to him. You know I have never talked to him in 11 years !!??

    why does he do this to me ? But you look at his Facebook Twitter what’s app tik too he has 100000 friends all over the world. He is constantly on the phone talking to someone or the other. But why he does not have the time or energy to talk to his wife. But I am not like him. I barely have 2 -3 friends close friends. If I have something that makes me feel sad or happy I want to share with these people. But my husband is never there for me.
     
    Loading...

  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    How many kids do you have ? Marriage evolves over time, depending on how the partners train and grow one another. If you are a quiet person by nature, you already have the mechanism to NOT WANT any conversation from your husband. He has cultivated other online people, and is carrying on with them. He does not bother you; You Win already.

    There is a concurrent thread on this forum "Choosing to be Single", where the OP, a woman, wonders whether it is the right thing to be unmarried for life. What would be your advice as an experienced married woman? Please respond with your advice on that thread.
    Thank you.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    636
    Likes Received:
    82
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,861
    Likes Received:
    3,360
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    He is passive aggressively blocking you out. He doesn’t want to hear your voice or talk to you. It could be because he doesn’t want to reveal any info accidentally to you by talking or he wants to ignore you. This kind of behavior indicates the person has a lot of resentment and suppressed anger for you.

    You think he’s automatically in your friends category just because he’s your husband and so you can talk or have a right to talk to him openly whenever you like and for as long as you like. <—- usually a good assumption in most marriages. But he doesn’t think so. He doesn’t want to engage with you.
     
    drdiva and Thyagarajan like this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    8,282
    Likes Received:
    12,006
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    My hubby used to be like that too..
    Maybe he takes you for granted..Marriage does this.Sometimes people know u will always be around and they don’t care.Women are more emotional than men.

    One thing that worked for me is..

    I have him the silent treatment for sowmtime.I started to be in my own,happy with myself,journaling my thoughts etc..After few days he noticed and he came up to me and we talked it out.

    But even now am happy on my own and started expecting less.

    This worked for me in my situation.You can try it out and check.
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,293
    Likes Received:
    1,504
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes I agree Anika.
    My husband too shuts me out...we just have hi bye and minimum communication these days...if I allow myself to become emotional I get very depressed about it...the only things which help are, giving him silent treatment and not begging him for attention, and keeping myself busy and distracted with my activities, hobbies. We shouldn't depend on spouse to feel happy. They have their own personalities and may not appreciate us always .
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    8,282
    Likes Received:
    12,006
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Exactly!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    967
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Like @anika987 and @Needtobestrong ... do your own thing.
    Not because you are secretly expecting or craving his attention in the near future but because you are capable of making yourself happy if he is 'too busy' for you.

    However they usually come back to check on you because they are curious on how the heck you are still managing to be joyful without his 'help'.
     
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,293
    Likes Received:
    1,504
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    It’s indeed depressing...like OP I too could see my husband being a different person while talking to relatives or friends or other acquaintances on phone..he will will laugh, smile and talk nicely and charmingly...but not one percent of it is reserved for me...
    He will behave like such a cranky, silent, serious, bored person with me. Just minimum talks like what I can prepare, which grocery item to buy, or day to day stuffs..I try to talk anything else or talk affectionately he becomes disinterested and walks away.
    If he needs some favour to be done, like making some dish for his parents or entertaining some relatives etc he will talk nicely . Else back to square one.
    I cannot change his behaviour, stopped taking nonsense from him. If I get a rare compliment I accept it in a detached way, if I get criticisms I give it back.
    But I can change myself to be confident and like myself and direct my thoughts and energies towards more useful stuff.
     
  10. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,071
    Likes Received:
    5,638
    Trophy Points:
    425
    Gender:
    Female
    It’s typical of most Indian guys isn’t it?! :BangHead: And even if his parents are wrong they will never accept that and in turn blame the wife!
     

Share This Page