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Why Do Women Today Choose Conflict To Resolve Domestic Issues?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rosequeen, Mar 30, 2022.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I am interested in OP's reply to all our comments.

    We may not agree, but we all have the right to our opinions.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    From what I read, OP advises women to be calm, patient, tactful, not given in to anger etc while dealing with a heated situation, argument or other challenges that come up in marriage. This would be good advice in itself if it was prescribed to men also.

    Expecting only the woman to always be the wiser, more patient, more calm of the two doesn't work and is not fair. Both have to be aim for that calm, patience, tact etc etc. In a given argument or fight, any one of them will say, "ok let's talk about this later when we are both less angry." The man is also an adult. He also can take a few turns being the saner person in argument.

    When I am dealing with my child, I expect and hope to always be the calmer person in the room. OP seems to advise that women should treat husband and child with the same amount of patience and wisdom.

    Don't put the burden of being the calm, patient one only on the woman. Just like don't put the burden of carrying forth our culture and values only on the women.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2022
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana,

    I read and reread her post what would have triggered her to write this. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that approach of meeting fire with fire will not work, is what she was trying to communicate. She is expecting the women to be wiser and understand the rootcause of such attitude, behavior or character and address them when the timing is right. The words once exchanged, it reaches a point of escalation on both sides producing no or sometimes unintended results. There is no question that men should practice discipline in their attitude and behavior at home but if their background is from a place where such things were not appreciated, may be a calmer approach to teach what he needs to do might work.

    Frankly, a few men are quick to make decisions, if not all, and women in general, are more relationship oriented and extremely analytical in thinking. I have experienced it myself. My wife is a no-nonsense up front communicator and is capable of communicating everything I do wrong. I consider her as my outsourced conscience. But it took a few years for me to get to that level of understanding and until then, it was a contest of who can win an argument. Now what she says doesn't hurt me but enables me to become a better person. But that understanding takes time.
     
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  4. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    You forgot the hierarchy part where women is employed at lowest level employment in husband's family where the husband's family hold the CEO and CFO post because her income isn't par with their son when she got married even though women mostly are younger than men when they get married. still women has to scale up to same level as their son otherwise in this company system they need to be silent members of the company. Specifically in this system women's parents have to spend money to find this amazing opportunity and give gifts and jewels to the company head for allowing them to be part of their company.
    Even when they do child bearing they need to keep striving at the same level of achievement by being obedient wife and dil at home and in case if they are taking time off or not working then in this company they can be even laid off.
    Every problem that happens in husband's family is caused only by new women who enters the family and till she entered the parents and son never had any argument and even if they had son will be quiet since parents cool down since he is earning less than the parents.
    If you by any chance think this is way of manipulating women no it is not. Remember the women is being fed, clothed and provided a roof over her head. She needs to be grateful that she can get these benefits only in in this company and still she needs to perform her duty perfectly. I wonder if there is any HR in the company. Maybe husband's other siblings will fill the role. I wonder what happens to the mental state of this women employee when she retires. Oh the company might provide good benefits for her to find best therapist to unload the crap she lived with. We live our life once I would rather live with freedom than die as slave.
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @Viswamitra

    Thank you for sharing your interpretation Viswa. You can always be counted upon to search hard and find the good in anything. Unfortunately, as the mother of a young adult woman, I paid and will pay more attention to this:

    Nothing beats happy family (even when woman is working or is sole bread winner), far far far far below that is a single unmarried or widowed woman and little below that are divorced women.

    No its based on depression and mental health stats between women of different races and relationship status in US. Its not normal to be depressed and think of suicide. Happily married women have much less chance compared to failed/failing marriages or single women.

    Probably correct, back then no one realized how harmful it was for society in general and women in particular to get into fights and walk out of marriages.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2022
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    And after all that seva the women does, this is how property is distributed in the case of a divorce:
    What are the Property Rights of the Wife After Divorce in India? | eSahayak
     
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  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    The women can’t be graded based on their marital status. It is outright wrong. There are many married women who are unhappy and depressed. Walking out of marriage for a right reason can’t be harmful. I don’t agree with those views. I just read op without any of her further comments.
     
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  8. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Just like there is no one medicine for all conditions and no dress that fits all, there is no generic behavior. It depends on what the individual's position is, what the other person is like. And finally, on what is the desired outcome. Yes, in some cases patience works, in some it is better to give a piece of mind right at the beginning. In worst cases, neither of them produces a good result. In best cases, it works anyways. The reason women are told not to give back soon is that traditionally they didn't have much options outside a relationship. Very few men and women can cope with a broken relationship. I emphasize on the and because that's truth. So, it's better to be patient in general for both genders.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2022
  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I guess I wanted to know OP's reaction to our reactions based on our life experiences.

    I followed OP's advice and I ended up miscarrying. Then I started the shouting and screaming. I just wanted to know what her remedy is for wives who marry husbands that are evil, not just throwing a temper tantrum
     
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  10. NOW

    NOW Gold IL'ite

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    Well said ! I guess working woman now is an investing partner but still has to go through hiring process and treated as employee with limited benefits. Need to go through performance appraisal periodically by the management(husband & in-laws). If there are any behavioral concerns HR will be brought into picture (in-laws extended family).
     

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