Why Do Women Today Choose Conflict To Resolve Domestic Issues?

@rosequeen

Everyone likes to have a happy married life. No one enters marriage to become single or to divorce. I don't think anyone want to fight for no reason. India got Independence also through independence movement. If not...?

I am very curious to know your version on what a woman should do when there is abuse, adultery and addiction (AAA) in her marriage?
Also like to know what she should do if her husband don't value her and treat her like a doormat. If there is a conflict, and if wife try to communicate her issues and if her husband don't listen or even value her opinions what should she do? If she is not involved in any decision making what should do? If she is a victim of bad behavior and treatment what she should do ? Even after doing everything in her power (remaining calm or waiting for the right time to address the issue etc), if she receives only bad treatment from husband and in-laws what she should do. Stay? Suffer? Tolerate for ever?

I believe any conflict can be solved by proper communication & discussion , but if her husband is not ready for that, what she should do?

When a woman raise concern or stand up for herself, and is it a good way to blame her for it?

Are you saying girls only are responsible for our culture? What is this culture you are talking about? I think every parent should teach their sons too about Indian culture. Who all are following the basics of our culture? Invasion has nothing to do with it.

One basic principle is
"Yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra Devata, yatraitaastu na pujyante sarvaastatrafalaah kriyaah"
where Women are honored, divinity blossoms there, and where women are dishonored, all action no matter how noble remain unfruitful.

This alone will solve many conflicts. I feel everyone irrespective of gender should learn how to respect others. But in a high conflict relationship this is the key ingredient that is missing along with lack of proper communication.

Most of the time girls are taught to be a good wife, adjust and compromise. Why not teach their own sons how to respect and treat women well, including his wife. Many men are clueless about it. Why girls only have to adjust, marriage is a team work.
In the past, (older generation) women were completely dependent so they tolerated everything including AAA as they cant go back to their parents home or live alone due to social pressure. No were to go. So, they sacrificed their self-respect for maintaining their family. But now, many women are educated/employed and they don't have to tolerate it, especially AAA, instead they prefer to lead a happy life than living in a hell of bad marriage. But if you read IL forum, you will realize the level of adjustment and sacrifice many ladies do for their married life and family, and divorce is considered as the last option.

Note: I am aware that there are women who create issues for selfish reasons and men also suffer in a bad marriage. I agree with you that many issues can be solved by remaining calm even if its not our fault. Also, many couples enjoy great marriages and they solve issues by giving and taking respect. Here, I am talking about the victims of bad treatment.

 

Sati was abolished mostly due to raja ram Mohan Roy.

Hindu Women burning themselves to escape the rape, enslavement by Islamic invaders was called jauhar.

 

Patriarchy and men are 2 different things.

Patriarchy is a system of relationships, beliefs, and values embedded in political, social, and economic systems that structure gender inequality between men and women.

Men invented all those things that you have mentioned, not patriarchy.

 

I do agree on this.
Islam has been far worse on women

 

Do you have children?

Sons?

Daughters?

Are they married?

I hope your sons treat their wives in such a way that they agree with your sentiments.

Your daughters?

I hope they are married to men who never give them reason to cry.

 

Your post made me think

There is no place for shouting and screaming in marriage.

I wanted to hold onto my abusive ex so badly

he insulted me during intimacy and was nasty when I was tensed up.

he said all women are not tensed up. He said his cousin doesn’t tense up (now I know he visited prostitutes before coming to US and it is likely he abused his cousin)

After the act when we wound go to sleep, he would our his arm around me and kiss me and tell me I am a sweet, innocent and polite baby (because I never shouted and screamed)

really, I thought this was love


I got pregnant and pleaded with him tot to create fights.

he commented that everyone gets pregnant, I’m nothing special

due to his continued abuse I miscarried.

then I started to shout and scream

you are right, there is no place fir shouting and screaming

if I would have taken appropriate ACTION for his abuse (no shouting and screaming), I would have never gotten pregnant, miscarried, then cry, scream and shout

Maybe you think my ex is a great person and I am a wicked woman for calling 911 on him.

You have right to your opinion of others

The same right that allows women to leave marriage for any reason

 

Your past makes me sad.
Atleast now you are out of the abusive marriage and building your life. Be happy