Why do women/men feel trapped in a marriage?

Interesting question. The western society doesn't make it difficult to get out o marriage. Are they happier as compared to their Indian counterparts?

Lot of people I know in the US, are either divorced or lived with step parents or have step children. There are also lot of single, separated people I know.

Are they happier? Is it possible for women to be Single in India?

I am not challenging your premise. I am asking a question which arose in my mind.

 

Also, don't judge India by the posts which you see in this forum. There will be lot of extremities here. Most happy people won't come here and tell you they are happier. That they have benefited more from the stricter divorce rules.

 

I am not disputing what you or the OP in the link you have posted feels, but I strongly feel that we the present generation people are too impatient and want to pass the verdict too soon - whether the decision was right or wrong as if marriage was only 'one decision'!

The jury is not out yet. We can never know whether the decision is right or wrong so soon, not in 4-5 years because it is much more than just 'one decision'. A lot of events happen in life and life evolves, so do our feelings, aspirations and what we want from life and marriage. We can't judge whether marrying our spouse was right or wrong when just a fraction of married life has passed.

Just take an example of a grown-up child whose parents are ambitious (let's say, reasonably ambitious, but not too ambitious) but the child is an average student. Do the parents give up easily if the child does not perform ? Certainly not. Loving parents are there till the end of the rope, and this limit is not reached soon. We are ready to forsake so many things for our child and take the hard route. Then why not for our spouses ? A person can feel trapped only when he sees that there are options that he could have got but cannot freely exercise due to the trap. This exacerbates the feeling of being trapped.

The answer is quite simple, we are given to believe in this modern world now, that we can get another spouse or live a life without a spouse, we can't say the same about children. But this experimentation was not the purpose of marriage at the first place. This dispensability about marital ties makes us work less towards marriage and this indispensability about parent-child relationship makes us work more towards our relationship with children.

Of course, I am excluding obvious cases of marital disharmony like physical violence, infidelity, extortion of money from girls' parents and similar unacceptable social crimes. In such cases, certainly, the jury is out soon!

 

Interesting point 'TheUnhappyWife'

 

Unhappywife you said everything I was thinking !!

 

I support the unhappywife- Well, you better change your ID

We live in a society that fools us by saying a divorce is easy. Well, it is easy and a far better option than living in an abusive marriage (physical, emotional and financial abuses). It is definitely an important option than putting up with infidel partners.

However, is it divorce really easy than living in a marriage which demands some compromises here and there?
Can we really live a free, dependent and happy life after separation?
Is it really true a divorcee is genuinely happy, and a women whose marriage is not-so-good, therefore she is projecting a happy picture to the society.

I am not an expert. But I've been in both the places to share my experience here.

I had a not-so-good marriage. Mainly because I was a fool, and I wan unable to handle everyone around me.
So, after having faced almost all the bad experiences of life, I decided to separate from my husband.
There I got all the freedom that I longed for
All the love and support from my family
My job, my car and my petrol. There was no one to comment or criticize
Especially there was no one to fool me around.

But I hardly remember a day, where I stayed genuinely happy. I always projected a happy face to make others happy. I always smiled so that other's wont sympathize about me. I kept all my sadness, fear, loss, and everything within me so that my son won't see me as a failure.
I don't even remember being so active in anything other than my routine tasks.

Then destiny brought us together. Life was not easy to begin with. We had a lot of issues; hence we argued, fought, and also understood. This time I am not a fool. I re-entered this marriage with a basic qualification as a matured woman.

Although there were so many issues, I still had reasons to laugh, be fun, engage a lot of time in social network sites, organize parties and really feel the happiness of life.

Slowly, but steadily my life had turned upside down towards the positive way. Today, after almost 6 years of marriage, we are a happy couple with less/only minor issues.

I still remember for being named as a martyr in my marriage for my decision to re-unite
I still remember for being named as "painting a happy picture" to the world
I still remember for being named as an emotional fool for this decision.

Life is a challenge. If there is no risk, there is no return. I risked my life to give it a second chance. The return is unimaginable. I think I was strong enough to risk then.

All I advice my fellows is, face the challenge. Don't run away unless there is nothing to stay in. Because if you keep running, the world will never stop chasing you.

 

Your post is very inspiring SGBV!! Kudos to you on the way you picked up in life.

 

When we have two bad option infront of us we choose lesser bad option.Living life of divorced women isnt easy.Sometime it is much more worse than dysfunctional marriage.

 

In India it is easier to live in a dysfunctional marriage compared to staying single for whole life or living as a divorcee. Definitely things become too complex if a child is involved.

At least people give more social acceptance to people who stay in a marriage (in whatever shape it is) compared to singles and divorcee.