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Why Do Some People Always Want To Get "compliments"?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Sep 13, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I understand once in a while everyone seeks a compliment.However..after a certain age,I feel mostly the feeling to be complimented winds down for most people especially in their 40's.

    1) My relative who is in her fifties is always behind luxury and what brand she wears and cannot handle if we even try to get some high end brands.It used to bother me few years back but now I find it very funny.
    Recently, we met and she was wearing a pretty dress.we were generally talking and after an hour or so..
    she was like..

    " Did you not notice this dress am wearing?how come you did not notice and tell something about it" (she mentioned some brand which I do not remember).I just said "it looks really nice".

    she then was like" I am still surprised you did not want to say anything about it.It is close to $300"


    2)Another incident which happened with an acquaintance.

    I had gone to her house and she showed me some antique piece.
    she asked me " how much do you think this is?"
    I was taken aback and said "Maybe $100"?
    she was shocked!! she said "No!!It is $3000"
    I honestly thought I was funny with my reaction.I really felt why I guessed it was $100.

    I have seen women literally get agitated if they do not get complimented for their looks,dressing or money.


    3) I went to this acquaintance home for a family function and she did not speak well with me.I felt uneasy.Later,when I called her..I asked if there was something bothering her.she bluntly said "Everyone thought I looked so beautiful and complimented me.You did not say anything!" I did not know what to say.I really did not even think much about her and just went to her place coz she invited me out of courtesy.


    After a certain age,why people still seek compliments when it comes to looks and wealth?
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2020
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  2. KavithaUS

    KavithaUS Silver IL'ite

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    This is not normal in US. I think it is high time you change your friends circle. Or stop interacting with them for your sanity.
     
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  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika, yes these kind of people exist- they seem highly immature and lacking in grace .Must be something missing in their personal life. so they constantly need validation and re-assurance from others- they cannot be at peace with themselves at all - it's due to insecurity and inferiority complex. But I dont judge them- everyone has their own struggles. Avoiding these empty friendships is best for your peace of mind .
     
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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987
    This kind of seeking compliments from pals and acquaintances is dominant among upstarts and nouveau riche and such contacts seldom can be put into use.

    In a village by inheritance a man turned affluent and was flaunting his newly acquired wealth.

    To a group of persons on the paddy field busy with harvesting, with outstretched right and left hand held at a height about four feet he commented , “ ah! What a growth. Every plant grown so tall”. The group of men & women smiled away.

    Walking across near a temple, he saw village chief with his cow and calf. With outstretched hand at a level four feet above ground, He said , “ the calf is quite tall for her age”.
    The chief smiled and walked away.

    Dusk has set in. He had met so many commenting something with outstretched hands but every one simply smiled and gone ahead.

    Soon villagers in a corner of the street rushing with water in buckets and other large vessels to extinguish the fire in a hut.

    Soon a woman noticed the blue rays from hands of a man standing with raised hand at a distance. She exclaimed , “what a dazzle! Must be diamond rings on all your fingers”.

    The man in raptures said, “ oh! Thanks. At last, after my litting this hut, at least you noticed it”.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2020
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  5. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Such people may have some insecurities or want to show off...they want people to be in awe and envy them for making costly purchases and being able to afford...
    They have a constant need for validation or approval from others..
    In my case I would feel happy if someone appreciates me for dressing up or looking young etc..but if someone doesn't praise or notice it's ok....deliberately fishing for compliments seems a little too despo...if I want to be appreciated by anyone I would first make some genuine compliment to them, they would then reciprocate in kind.... but in the contrary I don't want to be appreciated for having expensive tastes, but for being a nice person and being a person careful in finances and for what quality someone finds good in me....I m quite opposite to these ladies actually. ..if I get some item at good discount and reasonable price I'll boast about it, in fact I got a 1000 Rs Kurti for 500Rs during a sale and I happily boasted about it to my friend...and once I got a 1000 Rs MRP worth Idli steamer at subsidized price of 600 Rs at a local store.. for me that's an achievement getting a good product at lesser price....Hehe...so I dont understand much what is going on in the minds of the ladies whom you described.. ...
     
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  6. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Just like all humans, we all enjoy being praised for the things that we have accomplished.
    Things that one feels accomplishment may not be a big deal to the next person... a mature person understands that and you will see genuine happiness if they are complimented for the effort & accomplishment.

    People wondering about " why they were, not complimented or talk about money (if they are not very close to you) is a little bit tacky.

    They are not truly seeking for your compliment- they are seeking for recognition from you on their dress, items as they either think you know the value or are quite threatened by you. Your presence makes them insecure to a point that they have gone through a lot of time to think about your reaction, your compliment, or bragging that they wanted to do in front of you. So that you will see them as someone worthy to keep them close or it gives them a level of superiority over you.


    Honestly- people who bring the topic of money, brand in the casual talk are tacky.

    I was at my friend's kids' bday party- One lady around 50's has 2 older kids who I don't know just started to talk to me, as she came to know from someone that I am from a particular city. She just started a whole conversation with me to tell me she went to a "college" in my city. I spent good solid 30 mins of her self introduction, self-praise, and a walk with her on her memory lane only for her to get pissed at me for not giving a reaction that she was expecting. She was so compelled to mention how her co-worker complimented her on the college and more like was awed by her coz she went to a particular school.

    Trust me- the school is not a merit-based school that she went to. I felt the whole thing of putting so much of effort just to get a "reaction" from someone she doesn't even know or will ever meet is ridiculous.

    But its life- you meet some crazy ridiculous people, you learn from moments like this- never to become them at their age(whatever the circumstances are).
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
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  7. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    @blindpup10 "But its life- you meet some crazy ridiculous people, you learn from moments like this- never to become them at their age(whatever the circumstances are)"

    I'm ROFL reading above lines, such wise words.
    True
    Some people are self-praisers who praise thier cooking themselves for horrible stone like Mysore pak.
    It's hard to deal, just ignore.
    people will show off thier new jewellery in a family wedding, they expect everyone to ask the price. It's happens in relatives circle.
    I was thinking this doesn't happen in friends circle.
    Seems hard with these praise expected ones.
    Unless you're impressed no need to compliment
    I know a lady who keeps giving compliments to others to be in others good books. Later she said I don't care but people like these compliment
    What's the harm.
    But imo it's not necessary.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    One could ask:
    Why do some people say that after a certain age women should not wear tight leggings?[1]
    Why do some people think after a certain age people (should) have less need for compliments?[2]
    I am surprised you get such questions from acquaintances or relatives you meet rarely. Such questions and "You didn't notice..." laments are more common between people who are very close to each other.

    [1] - me
    [2] - Anika.

    :grinning:
     
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  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    To me the bigger question is- why do you care what these people said/ wanted you to say?
    Personally, I wouldn’t spend any time thinking about why people around me wanted/ needed a compliment.

    They might be having a bad day and wanted to feel good about something. They might be very proud of their antique find, etc.
     
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  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Anika, even I get the feeling from most of your posts that you think a lot about and get deeply affected by other people, what they say to you and what they think about you- especially your relatives.Talking about the trends in your other posts, not just this one. You contemplate a lot over them and get carried away in these silly matters only and take unnecessary worries.

    You seem to be a nice and humble person, do not get dragged into all these. .People feel insecure from time to time, but if they behave so rudely with you- just avoid them.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
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