Why do possessive mother get their son's married?

dear girl,
it is a good question. but one thing you should understand. mothers are here for their issues. her mother instinct and affection want her son to get married and have asocial status. but when son gets married, her womnhood nature makes her to feel insecure. she has the fear that the new girl will snatch her son from her. At this juncture, the new girl should act smartly. she should make that poor lady to realise that she has come not to snatch but to share his love. In her words and deeds let the dil make the mil understand .
It will take sometime( one or two months). i feel if the girl behaves like this the quarrel will minimise to certain extent.
with love
pad.

 

BLISSFUL,

I think you had it right the first time. They get them married because of social status and it being "the right time." If social pressure didn't exist, and if sons could spontaneously reproduce children without help from a wife, I'm sure 99% of Indian mothers would not get their sons married.

 

Not sure about the %, but Amen to the rest of your post.

 

dear girl, by your remark, i do not know what do you mean by that. american mothers are not bothered abt their children . if the girl does not have the capacity to bear the child, all most all mothers would not have bothered about their kids getting married. all can lead a life like barbarian. all mothers are to some extent possessive. but now the trend is changing. mothers inlaw are becoming more understanding and cooperative. i just want to make the girl understand about other lady's feelings and get apositive attidude towards the mother in law.
with love
pad.

 

Thanks for your insight. It's nice to see you have such a solid understanding of American families sitting all the way over there in India.

 

dear girl,
sorry , this shows your view that i will be travelling only to village. i've travelled to so many placesand at present in u.s. i wanted to say do not use the term "possesive" try to understand her feelings and pacify the quarrel. anyway thank you for your remarks. as an elderly person i am putting an end to this. ok.
with love
pad.

 

I don't believe for one minute you're in the U.S. or you wouldn't have called the people here "barbarians." Next time you ridicule a whole nation, maybe you should consider how it might hurt other people's feelings. Anyways, I also have nothing more to say.

 

Hi blissful,

I don't think they are possessive. They might be insecure about getting sidelined by their sons when a DIL comes home. But let me tell you as long as a DIL does not accept her MIL as a mother, she cannot get rid of this feeling that "mothers are possessive about their sons".

Let me ask you a question, how can a wife show her love to her husband ?
By cooking for him or caring about him etc., We often forget that by treating his family as ours is the best way to show our love. Ofcourse this holds good for a guy also and yes MIL must also be cooperative.

A DIL just needs to understand her MIL as she understands her own mother. Ofcourse it takes two to tango, but as younger ones we need to take the initiative, and ultimately we will be the ones benefited with the love of two mothers and a true place in our husband's heart.

As soon as I got married, I tried to be very friendly with my MIL. I would make it a point to spend time with her, talk a lot to her like I do with my mother, we would go to temples and malls together and yes it was fun. She was extremely cooperative and we both were bent on making our MIL-DIL relation a success. And we succeeded. :thumbsup

I feel after marriage bonding with in-laws is more important than bonding with husband. When husband sees your love and respect for his family, his respect for you and your family would increase. This is my personal experience.

Last but not the least, MILs are like our mothers, they are scared about old age and feel helpless and insecure. They just need a little love and care, give it to them and you would see a different person altogether. As a valuable member of the family we have certain responsibility towards them.

It's a totally different case if MILs can't appreciate your compassion. Atleast you can say that, "I did my best" .

And I completely agree with Padmini aunty.

 

Yes. It takes two to tango. Two to make a relationship work. I agree that most MILs are insecure and worried that the DIL might create a rift between mother & son. And yes, some DILs *are* evil personified.

But what of those DILs who have taken the initiative, only to be rebuffed? To be abused, hurt and disparaged from the get-go? There are some MILs out there who decided to hate their DILs from the very outset and decided to 'pick' on them from the day after the engagement. Nothing the DILs ever did was good enough for the MILs in question. Every day was a Kurukshetra and the DILs were at their wits' ends not knowing what to do that would make their MILs happy. Forget about treating the DILs as daughters, these MILs didn't even treat them like HUMAN BEINGS! Many of the DILs were not even assertive enough to stand up to the MILs and cried every day. One DIL attempted suicide and her husband had to move to New Zealand to escape from his mother's tyranny. Another stood up to her MIL and filed for divorce after which her husband FINALLY came around and agreed to live separately. One was sent back to her mother's home for not bringing enough 'dowry'. There are more stories I could relate of verbally and emotionally abusive MILs who used their "old age" and "insecurity" as excuses to abuse their DILs.

I think DILs who are blessed with cooperative MILs should count their blessings and be glad to have someone who will work *with* them to ensure a peaceful, working relationships. And I think DILs who experience the abusive, manipulative MILs who are overly possessive of their sons, who would do ANYTHING to hurt their DILs, should be cut some slack. if After all, there is no point of tolerating abuse in the vain hope that one day, the MIL will come around and accept her DIL, even if not as a daughter, but as a fellow human being.