Why Do Married Women Get Divorced From Men Who Belong To Good Families

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Sep 14, 2020.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    A distant relative told me about a match who is nearly 10 years older than me, divorced 2 years ago, has 3 kids, from a good Hindu family. The boy's mother goes to her temple. The distant relative told me I'd likely reject the match, but thought I should be made aware of it (just in case I am interested, one in a million).

    I told the distant relative no thank you.

    However, about an hour later I emailed asking why would a wife whose body has been permanently ruined by 3 pregnancies leave her husband who belongs to a good Hindu family.

    Ladies and gentleman, can you answer this question.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I wasn’t aware that pregnancy ruins a woman’s body. And people from all backgrounds can realize that they are no longer compatible in a marriage, at any point in time. There is always his side, her side and the truth.
     
  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I ask from my experience and naivety. After I miscarried at three months, I got several silver hairs. I still have these silver hairs 6 years later.

    Also, I have a paunch that stretches out when I do push-ups. It took me 4 years to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

    So I extrapolated the body after a 3-month pregnancy to three full-term pregnancies.

    Plus I wish to understand the mindset of married people because (fortunately) my abusive and unfaithful marriage to a "man" from a "good" Hindu family didn't last a year.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2020
  4. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't know how would you classify a good hindu family.
    Everyone has a tolerance limit and take action when things go beyond that limit,whether it's 1 year of relationship or 10 years of relationship.
    With proper nutrition and workout one can regain pre pregnancy body but being in an abusive marriage would leave eternal wound. Not sure what's the story here.
     
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    People from all kinds of background leave their spouses for several reasons. Marriage and divorce reasons are very personal and not even parents who are very close cannot understand people in some situations.
    Not sure If agree here about pregnancy ruining a woman's body. there are bigger happiness than having a pre pregnancy body. But to each their own. One thing people do not often realize is that, two individuals grow apart or closer in a relationship. It is natural. Marriage is not forever for some people. It takes two people who understand well and appreciate each other to have a long marriage to grow old together. Not everyone wishes the same. After some point, in laws, kids and other factors doesn't influence marriage, it is the want or desire to be with each and enjoy each others company that keeps it going! At least for me.
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Being from a good family alone doesn’t guarantee that the guy is a good man.
    Fro m outside the family would appear to be cultured and well to do and well settled. But inside story will be known after marriage only.
    I wouldn’t agree to the word “ruined” because it’s a blessing and miracle for a woman to carry and give birth to new life...Yes a woman’s body does go through a lot of changes with each delivery...but just imagine what a bad marriage it must have been , if the woman has left her husband who is the father of her three kids and from well settled good family...A woman will always think of her kids before herself and many a time makes compromises have a peaceful marital life and give a safe and peaceful family environment to her kids..but if situation goes out of hand what can she do...it must have been pretty bad. Need to know whole story before arriving at a conclusion.
     
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  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I will try to address all comments.

    When I got out of my abusive marriage, the evil looser portrayed himself as someone innocent (even though police report proved otherwise)

    And we come from culture where women are considered low and blamed for divorce. Have you seen the threads on IL lately? Don't you think the ex, or soon to be ex-husband of these women would ever say divorce was their fault because they were verbally abusive, or spit on their wives.

    Goodness, there are many Crime Patrol episodes that show the real India where women are blamed for their own rape!

    So when my distant relative (who knows about my past) bought up this match, I thought of calling this divorced'd boy's mom's bluff,

    i.e. I acted as if I believe these people were from a "good Hindu family" and asked how could a women who underwent three pregnancies leave her husband who belongs to a good Hindu family.

    Hope you understand my line of thinking to understand how people behave.




    I guess in American marriages, there are more divorces because there is no-fault divorce, i.e. there is no need to prove cheating, abuse, etc. If you want a divorce, you got it. And when life gets tough, it is easy to throw in the towel.

    I am not judging anyone who has no-fault divorce because I have never been faced with such a situation, i.e. marriage without abuse, cheating, etc, but we are bored of each other, or life is stressful.

    Please enlighten me if I am not understanding anything.

    And you answered a question I had in back of my mind but was afraid to ask. Let's say God blesses me with a nice husband who gets me pregnant. How do I get back that beautiful healthy body that I can be happy in and my husband will enjoy. As it it, I try to keep healthy eating habits and exercise 6 days a week.

    That is interesting. Even parents cannot understand why their children divorce? See, I have never been exposed to this.

    And you explain beautifully how people come close or come apart in marriage. And in the end, inlaws, other external factors don't affect marriage, it depends on two people if they wish to stay together.

    See, this is what I was thinking. Especially people who use God as a cover for deceiving people, i.e. they want to show people they are devout, they are praying, when it is opposite. People who kidnapped and raped young girls were also devout church-goers (google ariel castro, phillip garrido)

    But I can see a woman wants the best for her child, starting in the womb. When I was pregnant I held onto my abusive, unfaithful husband just so my child would have a father. Once I miscarried then I threw the evil loser out of my life.

    So I am also thinking it must have been a terrible marriage if a woman who is blessed with three children (which, as you say outweighs changes to her body) to leave the father of her children.

    For my own curiosity, I asked my distant relative by calling the temple mom's bluff, rather than giving the above points you mentioned.
     
  8. pocahontas

    pocahontas Gold IL'ite

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    @SuiDhaaga I will bite.
    There could be a number of reasons.

    1. The wife was separated from her one true love. A la 96 (a must watch Tamil movie if you have not seen it). The husband gave her a divorce and "permission" to go back to her Ram.

    2. The wife was diagnosed with cancer. She knew that her husband truly loved her and would never remarry. So she divorced him and manipulated him in such a way that he would hate her and remarry. Ajit- Devyani- Heera starrer from 1990s.

    3. The husband and wife had a small misunderstanding- the wife thought the husband was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. Think Ijazzat movie starring Naseeruddin Shah- Rekha- Anuradha Patel. But the ex-girlfriend died and the now ex-wife left no forwarding address.

    I can go on and on (there is no dearth of Indian movies made on this topic), but you get the gist right?
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You actually asked that question in the email? In those words?
     
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  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Cute responses
     

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