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Why do husbands keep a distance from the wifes family?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kenny, Sep 5, 2014.

  1. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    Thanks for your support for my earlier thread few days back...i have kept a maid now since yesterday so thankfully some of my jobs have come down...thanks for ur suggestions.
    But the problem of having fights with husband is still continuing....every week without fail we fight over v trivial matters and he exaggerates it.he earlier used to tell me to kp a check on my anger now when im not making an issue over anything he takes up a fight and drags it...n end of the day i finish it for my peace of mind.
    But all said and done i have always felt bad for one thing-my husband always keeps a distance from my family be it my parents or my bro...he will never call them himself and if they call and he doesnt ans because of any reason he will never call back...even if it is my fathers call..On the other hand if it is his mom or sister he wants all the favours from me...being polite n nice to them..
    her sis calls every days and speaks almost for an hour with her mom or even with bro but she doesnt bother to speak to me as a result i have also limited my conversation with them...since i live with my MIL so i just carry a normal hi hello relation with mil..
    Now my brother is leaving to another country to settle today so i just told my husband that we can speak to him and wish him all the best but he said he will not call rt now...yestd night also i told him but he didnt call...husb says my bro will call if he has too...so i also told him straight that i will also do the same now.
    My sister in laws sons bday is coming and they wanted to courier some gift to her...so he tod me to courier it...i said i will not...he said do i have a problem in it...i said yes...and i ended the conversation.....and didnt speak to him hence...
    but for the first time i was happy that i gave im tit for tat regarding his family...but ofcourse i dont like it when we fight...
    friends tell me one thing...was i wrong....when they expect i do all possible things for his family and talk to my sis in law over ph and do stuff for her...cant i just expect him once to call my bro once(he never calls my family-only if they do he answers v formally).
    y should i take the crap always....being a girl doesnt mean that i wont expect same treatment for my family..
    ur inputs needed.thanks.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Because we set very low standards for husbands to follow from the very beginning.
    We follow the high standards set by husband for his family from the very beginning.
    We start out married life with an inferiority complex often fed by our own family and society...like the guy did a favor by marrying us.

    (I know I am making a very broad generalization but it is true to some level in most people's lives)

    May be the answer lies in valuing ourselves more.Let us at least be the star of our own lives. Think a little more about ourselves.....Stop living to please everyone. Stop being the person who gives way to keep peace all the time.May be if we stop bending over trying to please everyone in the early days of marriage and behave the way we would wish to live .

    No Kenny...you were not wrong.You did well to let him know what you felt.
     
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  3. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I have not read your earlier threads.

    What you did was right, no need for you to courier stuff to his sister when he does not even bother talking to your brother, that too for a sister who who doesn't talk to you much.

    But if you ask about this from a broader perspective, then I feel that the reason a man does not talk much to his wife's family is because men in general are less emotional and less sensitive.

    They can only have feeling for their own blood.
    I have an affectionate relation with my mama and kaka, they really care for me and adore me.
    Whereas with my fufaji and mausaji, I only have formal relations, and I am happy keeping it that way.

    In future I don't expect my hubby to mingle with my family as much as I would with his.
    But now after reading yellowmango's post, I feel we should also set some standards for ourselves, otherwise our husbands might not even maintain formal relations with our families.
     
  4. Nakshatraa

    Nakshatraa Silver IL'ite

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    Hi ym,
    You really hit the nail. True, very true.
    I should have met you 12 years before......

    Dear op,
    Sorry for occupying your thread.

    Regards,
     
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  5. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

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    thank you gals...im glad u agree to me as i was really pissed off when he said i wont call and in turn after a few min telling me to courier stuff to his sis...
    but this is a v bad thing.i dont know when this will change...i also have a small daughter and dont want all this from my future son in law...times have changed...gals have been handling both careers and home front but the thinking is still the the same...i hate it...wish we could put an end to it.
     
  6. Nakshatraa

    Nakshatraa Silver IL'ite

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    Dear kenny,
    You have written.my thoughts.
    I often worry for my dd too.... silly of me, to think this way for a 5 yr old ......
     
  7. pantu

    pantu Gold IL'ite

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    Our society makes this standard for the gentle men all over our country. From birth
    this type of mentality will impose to boys. For girls the teachings are opposite. You
    should obey your inlaws. That is your real home blah blah...
    Whatever the reason we girls should not follow the commands. We also
    have a mind to think . As human beings we have right to express our feelings. You did it right , your hubby should know what you are feeling inside.
     
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  8. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    You are right. If husband excepts wifes to be respectful, polite and nice to his family, it has to be same for him too when it comes to wife's family. And if there are so many situation when husband has not behaved properly with your parents or bro, then you have right to be tit for tat. I think then only he would understand the importance.
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband rarely calls my parents on his own....but he has never ever expected me to call his parents ever too.I think he is one of those wise husband who knows that the lesser his parents and wife speak to each other...the better it is for world peace.:biglaugh

    He calls his(that too mostly after I remind him a number of times because if he doesn't call,I am the one who is blamed:hide:by in laws)and will signal me if I want to talk.I take the call if I want to talk.

    Same with my parents.I call and he signals if he wants to talk(which he usually doesn't).
     
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  10. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    My god Yellowmango, I strongly feel my husband and your husband should have been real- life brothers!!! How can two people react so much the same way!! Ditto for him..he keeps a very formal relationship with his parents as well as mine.. but as with u, my hubby also doesn't expect me to be the ideal bahu and call his parents everytime.. good for me :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2014
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