Why do husbands cheat and why do wives forgive?

There are many mysteries in this world and a single human life is too short a time to know and understand everything. So just lack of knowledge or lack of an opportunity to be even aware of something doesn't mean that it does not exists. However, it is always difficult to comprehend something unless there is a concrete example that one can relate to or identify with. So, please do share your experiences. Concepts like sodomy, gay/lesbian or even depression were very difficult for me to even believe. I never thought that such things could exists. However, when i read/learnt of these things happen to people that i know or have known as existed, i started understanding them. I am sure most people will appreciate your honesty and leadership in this regard. If you look at history, most leaders were not well understood earlier by their peers.

 

Don't tell me you caught it!!! The expression of your joy is unmistakable!! Good luck!!

 

I agree. The honest appraisal should be finding the alternative in a most approriate legal way. That is divorcing the partner if your marriage does not provide the happiness or whatever you expect from it. There is a legal and appropriate way to do it.
Then nothing stops you from finding the alternative. That is another relationship.
You may consider a live-in set up or a second marriage as appropriate.

What is inappropriate is the EMA. You find a relationship out side of your marriage while you are still being (happily) married. It complicates, and often creates a lot of problems. That is why, it is called adultery and it is not legally accepted.

You can be married to several women at a time too. But you need to be a believer of certain religion of a certain country. If so, the practice is so widely and culturally accepted. It is also legally accepted. There is a way to provide equally to all your wives, as well as the kids. No one would blame your nth wife as illegal wife. Your 3rd kid of your 4th wife won't be named as an unwanted or illegal child. Then what's the problem. It is also a civilized way of dealing with this issue, but sadly not in India.

If you find the alternative while being married, and then allow your alternate partner to be the mother of your child, then hopefully you will end up standing behind the bars for whatever the reasons one day. Better not to advocate for something that is not appropriate here. Eventhough it may seem supper sweet, a poison is a poison.

 

If an illegal way is the solution there is no discussion at all. The way to a solution has to be creative and win-win for all the parties involved. And ofcourse it must be legal every inch of the way.

Honest relationships is what I talk about. Herein lies the problem, viz., how does one make one's relationships really meaningful whether one is married or not. Also the question is "is marriage the only option for a relationship"? Can there be other ways (legal ofcourse) for highly satisfying relationships?

The discussion here is meant to be creative and impersonal. I think there is no harm harm in thinking about various possibilities.

 

of course there is no harm in broadening our thinking capacity to find a solution (if any) for such social problems.
However, a win-win solution in a marriage should be being loyal to your spouse. I think that is the only and best win-win solution to any marital problems.
One can not make his/her spouse win by having EMA or any alternative spouse/partner.
If a spouse (probably wife) is happy about her/his partners decision about finding an alternative, then their marriage dies here. Probably she is happy because she expected worst than this (probably a physical abuse, separation, financial restriction etc..etc..)

A dying malnutrition kid may feel extremely joyful about being offered a plate of plain bread. But that can not be equated with a balance diet. You know what I mean?

A woman with an abusive marriage (be it physical or emotional) may agree to her husband's temptation to find any alternative partner. She may find it rewarding (like in OP's case) if her husband extend the frequency of his visits or support her financially. But it does not mean her marriage is anyway near to a win-win solution. It does only mean, she was starving a lot, like a malnutrition kid/patient for her husband's presence.

I am not sure whether anyone would still support the idea of women finding alternatives while being married. What if it is legalized? Is she gonna do DNA tests every time she conceives? Where does the kids' stay? How come she shares her parental responsibilities with different spouses for each of her kids? How come she balances in order to achieve win-win solution?

Don't say finding alternative is restricted only for males? There where is gender balance?

 

i have read all you many posts but even in one of them i have not seen your " new ideas " .
Because i want to understand your point of view also, even i asked you for them .but i cannot try to decipher them from vague abstract comments .
There is no point in discussion if you do not wish to put your ideas forward clearly and only get defensive about other people's opinions.

WHAT ARE YOUR SUGGESTIONS ?

 

SGBV, let me compliment you on the positive tone of your interaction.

Here I consider both sexes to be equal.... gender neutral. That is the whole point of this discussion. Invariably I find it is the women (mostly) who suffer in a marital relationship. The husbands are at an advantage in a marriage, generally speaking. Men tend to be not so restricted and society too blames the woman for any waywardness of her man.

Many girls today are very choosy in selecting their partners and many marry late esp., those that are well educated or in a good career. The boys feel that getting a "good homely" girl is very difficult and they too remain unmarried. Now what is the solution? Many eventually marry late to unsuitable partners as a compromise.

Further discussions on this may not be liked by others. So I wish to stop here. Thank you.

 

I just did not get your point. If you are married to an unsuitable partner for whatever the reason, then the solutions will be either 1) try to adjust/change the one as suitable for you 2) separate, get the divorce and find a suitable one

Both are possible and agreeable by many. It is purely upt o the individual based on their circumstance, relationship, emotional and financial capacity to chose what suits them the best.

However, how come it is accepted to find an alternative while being married to someone else? How come it is the best win-win solution?

By the way, you have failed or silently ignored my questions in the previous post. Also, I am eager to know your creative ideas to improve highly satisfying relationship with a win-win solution? Nothing personal...

 

I feel it's not worth discussing on this forum for the many bad vibes I received. I have lost my interest. This discussion could be quite long and in the process I will receive more negative feedback and personal attacks. Only a few mature ones are open to being creative on this. As such I have to stop here.

 

i do not need to tell you about the contribution of indian civilization to the world . It is freely available on the net.
The holocaust , slavery , world wars and dark victorian ages were given by the so called sexually progressive cultures.