Why do husbands cheat and why do wives forgive?

Stillwaters, just for a moment think that if for any reason marriages as a formal relationship becomes unpopular what will society do? This maybe due to marriages becoming increasingly unstable owing to various reasons. And assume a majority of people have no longer any confidence in it. What do you think people will do? That will work put some compromise.

My view is live in the true essence of the relationship of marriage, shorn of its formalities, whichever suits us so that all are happy in a beautiful relationship. I have no ready made solutions.

 

Nandita- the majority of people in the world - men and women alike- yearn to get married and have a loving spouse. It is not going to change any time soon.

I know you believe in polygamy or polyamory or whatever but most us happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage and believe ( and are living in) a happy marriage.

Feel free to have as many partners as you like or experiment in whatever floats your boat but don't assume things on our behalf.

In my opinion, you are the only one living in denial spending all your time with a bunch of (mostly) married ladies in a marriage forum being part of something that you do not believe at all.

The lifestyle that you preach of multiple partners is abhorrent to me.

 

Since last 5 years, nandita has been beating the drum on polyamory. Only difference now is she does not use the word polyamory anymore. Instead she terms it vaguely as "alternatives" to 'the Institution'

We can assume she knows that most IL-ites will denounce polyamory as abhorrent. But she is a tireless crusader for polyolamorelia

 

I am all for a great and fulfilling relationship between men and women. And if there is way to enhance it, it should be welcomed. Divorce was a bad word a generation back. Where are the die-hard supporters of marriage? Compromises have been allowed and made all the time for a happier life.

Also everyone is endowed with intellect. This should make all of us think impartially and objectively irrespective of our proclivities.

Incidentally all bacteria is not bad.

Very few will ever rebel against social norm. Every human seeks good relationships and that seems possible only through marriage as an accepted way only due to severe conditioning over centuries. Why cannot we think that wonderful relationships are also possible without marriage. Why should we oppose good relationships if they can be achieved without marriage; if marriage no longer delivers the goods.

"Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner."
— Lao Tzu
[h=1]“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.” Buddha[/h]

 

ok whatever....

 

reading all the threads about infidelity, men posting innuendo heavy posts, women advising other women to watch out for car-pooling ladies, refrain from supporting women in dv situations lest they eye their own husbands (that thread sure showed some posters you may not really want as friends), and so on- what really is this institution supposed to stand for? marriage does not seem to stop some people from thinking that the "grass is greener on the other side" .

love, romance? nope. first flush, blush and all that done with, marriage is really about the nitty-gritties of everyday life. money, assets and most important, the children. revolving door relationships, or as some like to call them, poly amorous liaisons, don't really address these realities of life that well. after all, you can have love and companionship and sex without a marriage anyway. so, it's not just about love, romance, companionship but about the human need for stability that drives marriage. read marriage and civilization, how monogamy made us human.

 

This is what we have been made to believe over centuries of so-called culture. The idea driving marriage may be stability - a mirage that has drugged us. Have people found it in practice? Then why are they straying? Or given a chance will stray!! Let's be honest!

 

not everyone strays. your focus is on sex and the acceptance of promiscuity as a supporter of your cause. for others their focus is on love, romance, etc. but there are larger and many other factors that hold greater importance in the institution of marriage and its continuity across the world. you need to have a broader perspective.

 

I am not against marriage as such. I am for good relationship and if marriage does not provide that, then there must be a right to search for alternatives. I am only interested in an honest appraisal. But some are only interested in not facing the reality.... defending the indefensible. Once married do all the factors you have mentioned - do these remain? And if not, aren't we stuck with it? Do you prefer the status quo for a whole lifetime? Then divorces must be disagreeable?