Why Divorce is a easy going for the "Foreign land" Settled Indians ?

Priya,

I think your brother and SIL have marital problems and this is nothing to do based on their living in US.

I agree that its tough to manage kids, household, jobs and home without relatives or family support here.

But then, end of the day, each spouse has the other and so we tend to bond more closely with our immediate family. So also when one kid and then another kid enter the family, of course it is huge stress to handle so many new changes in the marriage. All these are normal course of life and every married couple goes through it.

On other hand there are also couples going through infertility or health issues and may not have kids yet, but that is whole another pressure. So, with and without kids, marriage itself is a package of adjustments and accomadating each other.

The couple themselves have to do it and no outsider can salvage their marriage time to time. Yea, parents will come and explain, help out and mediate but then, all that is temporary arrangement.

In the long run they have to own it up and take responsibility for their own lives and marriage. Mistakes happen at either end and parents can only advice.

So also in IL and other forums, the thing called divorce or foreign behaviour is not there. Its just the perception of people in India that we behave like that even though we are very much Indian at heart and living. For example, we live in a cold climate wearing jackets all year long. Coming to warm Indian weather, there is much excitement to wear a sleveeless or short easy breathing clothes. Is this wrong ? There are people though that perceive this as an Americanized behaviour. So also people get sick in India sometimes. Let me tell you one eg. I myself thought way back that people visiting India are acting so smart by drinking only Bottled water. I thought it was a show off. But in one of my visits, I fell sick for 2months and following that had a stomach virus and serious emergency situations for next 4 months untill I had a clear diagnosis and medications, solely resulted from getting exposed to contaminated food or water somewhere in India. Thereafter I started safeguarding myself and make sure to drink only bottled water.

Not only the body or immunity changes, but so also the dressing or behaviour. But mind you again, all this would be an unconscious presentation and nothing derogatory or offensive. But still people in India perceive things in negative way.

Matter of fact, I am very spiritual and never fail to celebrate festivals or visting the temple or doing any other Indian activities in US.

Again, I know that you are not offending anyone here. But from my perspective, I lived in India 21yrs of my life and 8yrs in US, so based on that and my personal experiences, its just routine and mandatory that people in India pass you off as if you landed from the Moon or you are an alien. None of it is true.

Again, your brothers marital problem is his own and nothing to do with living in US. Infact living in US should have made him more broadminded and understanding of his wife.

Based on one case of your brother, you cannot generalize that everyone opts or uses divorce to threaten people.

Let me confess to you that earlier I used to be afraid of thinking to raise kids or settling in US, but now I am afraid of going back to India because honestly I might not fit in the fast pace and culture and the changing attitudes of Indian people. Its no longer the India I knew 8years ago. I would be afraid now either in India or US to raise kids because I see that there is not much of change and maybe most parts of the world are now levelled out just as India.


Good luck,
Happy destiny.