Why Divorce is a easy going for the "Foreign land" Settled Indians ?

Priya,

I don't think 'Foreign land' Indians suggest people to divorce unless it becomes most unbearble and cruel marriage to live in.

Infact my observation is that Indian ladies who are in foreign countries especially the last 8-10 years or more are largely conservative and very traditional in outlook. Infact we try our level best to preserve the Indian culture and much much more traditional and conservative compared to the newbies in India.

I say this because I have noticed a gradual change in India's culture over the last 8 years every single time I visited India. Infact I consider myself to be more conservative than most others in India.

Moreover, strange thing is we educated, working and very well placed women think - MIL harassments will not happen to us. Even if they happen, we can give them back good. Infact I used to hear others stories before my own marriage and think that because they are dependent on husband or in-laws in certain way, maybe they are being ill treated and harassed.

But you know what?

Despite being completely independent, well qualified and everything, my In-laws did harass me in different ways.

No, a foreign land woman is not IMMUNE to such things. And more strongly I myself have seen within my own circle that most of the Foreign educated, working and professional women, put up with much non-sense in their marriage and so also with In-laws.

Its not at all true that Foreign land Indians think Divorce is an Easy going option. I would strongly argue against the opposite especially when it involves women like me who completely were out of the picture when India went through its HUGE massive Ultramodern cultural change in the last 8-10years, moreso especially the last 5-6years.

A woman that spent that time outside India is definitely more conservative. And I have been so. So also many of my friends and other women that I know of.

The OP is skewed and you may want to get a reality check on this one. Your derivation of the same is rather presumptious than a proven theory.

JMO.

Happy Destiny.

 

I think the question should be whether the divorce is common b/w our parents generation and our generation? Not between NRI or Non NRI?
yes my parents generation women were treated and have been told married place is everything good or not they have to adjust. ANd they dont have any other option (no education/job/money ) on their own. ANd they are very dependent. those generation few women cried and lived unhappily through out their life time . there only thinking would be to bring a kid to a good position . and they care about soceity so much.
Today things are different women are equally educated and they express what they want clearly....And they dont care much about what soceity thinks about them.....
And men doesnt like the concept that woment talks back which leads to divorce. :bonk

 

hey.. looks like OP was just trying to get views and clarify her thoughts.. initially she seems to blame the ladies but one of my friends too asked (genuinely ignorent I should say!) the same question to me recently and I gave the same answer to her..

'found several posts and replies from abroad for the simple reason that they are more net-savvy '

Many ladies living in India and seeing such issues on internet think it is issue with foreign settled indians.. but the truth is that divorce is all over and it gets highlighted or openly spoken about by people living in western world for they are net savvy and have some guts and courage to open up.. Here in India many women keep shut because they either lack courage or they are ashamed to come out of a sick marriage and try to live their life burriying themselves deep within..

 

ahhhh... now I know where you come from!

 

Priya ,

One cannot blame the place, it is just the person.. Maybe the sentence I said SUITS BEST TO YOUR BROTHER'S LIFE.. I agree..

BUT, THAT IS JUST ONE REASON, PRIYA. We have umpteen of them..

Your brother may be having no closewatch on his words and thinks that by threatening so, your SIL would set things right. He is wrong ! Had your SIL not been emotional and said," Oh yeah.. then why dont you handle your two kids yourself " and she walks out ???

Now, your brother's life created a doubt in your mind as to what happens to people when they move to a foreign land.. What happens to their commitments..?

I take your brother's life as a perfect example of how every person tries to work out things in marriage !!! Else your SIL would be in India, seperated by now !!! Right ???

 

Dear priya,
I do not seem to get the relation between the question and reason you gave.. Maybe I will go thru it again sometime later.
But just to let you know even women in foriegn countries are abused both physically and verbally,have been in those phases where an indian girl would have been and they choose to be in the realtionship. Even people there have strong family values like indians.This includes all races europeans,red indians,chinese and some blacks too.
Just because we see a bunch of yoyos//hippes doesnt not mean they are all alike. And also the misconception that Indian youth are affected by foriegn culture is so so wrong. Our youth is not thrown out of the house at a certain age (I assume this is the law of nature "Let them survive on their own"). They dont have to do odd jobs, go to evening colleges, pay their own bills and fees,cook and clean themselves. If we can take something which sounds fun from other culture why not try out the rest.

Unlike we cannot generalise all our youth to be them we cannot generalise the vice versa too. My opinion is just what I have observed being 25 years in India and 2.5 years in North America. No offence to any cultural backgrounds or upbringings.

 

Ok here the problem is when we are in our home town, among all our relatives, friends and neighbours, the same place where we grew up etc...usually men tend to control and watch their tongue...reason...they feel a bit of embarassment on what if neighbour hears it, what if my relatives hear it etc...(its always about public image as far as men are concerned...)

Now why do you say on casual note he used the word Divorce??? using that word is sooo casual for him??? what kind of a thought is that????that too at his age????

By the way my biggest questions till remains teh same....In your thread you have clearly mentioned...why women are giving a GO decision for divorce in foreign lands?? (If your brothers issue was bothering you....there your SIL called your mother and was telling her problems...she didnt use divorce word, she didnt even think of it...)then why post this question about women saying YES for DIVORCE??? I dont know some how I cant beleive your posts and explanations....:bonk:bonk

Your question should have been why men use those words soo quickly / causually???(as per your thoughts)

What is this..seems like your brother has got some major problems....is he a kid..he is 40 yrs old and still needs someone to baby sit him to monitor his behaviour and actions?? I dont get it totally about the arrangement of atleast one parent living with your brothers family all the time:bonk:bonkhow long can youpeople keep a watch on him....?? how will he raise 2 kids of his own?? he is supposed to be the role model for his kids and if he acts this way...what message is he conveying to his kids..no wonder though we are progressing so fast in technology and other areas..still mens thoughts remain the same because the parents try to coverup their sons deeds as much as possible....and its getting passed on.....to the next generations....

by the way what lack of support or moral support are you talking about? are you married? if yes..then would you like to see your husband acting so immature and childish and your inlaws or your parents have to constantly be in your house...so thatyour husband gets moral support (Or should we call it inshort..keeps a watch on his tongue and actions???)

Atleast you being a sister...please talk to your brother..if you can...tell him its time to grow up...if this is how he is acting..his kdis would also turn outto be like him...and his wife would never ever have any kind of respect for him....today your parents and her parents are there to STOP divorce or save this marriage...but what when they are not around????

I was always told by one of my friend, I even read this somewhere....on IL itself I guess...the true nature of a person is seen ..not when he is with friends or family...but when he lives alone or when he is all by himself...So now you know your brothers nature...the moment he is given freedom and allowed to manage his own family all by himself...he doesnt know what to do with his freedom or doesnt know how to act as the head of the family

 

My husband is just like ur brother, even for small things like wiping the table or putting things in dishwasher he says "u dont listen to me, lets separate"
Maybe if we are in India, he wouldn't use it this casually because I will have a lot of relatives to support and argue on my behalf, here I dont have anybody and he keeps repeating it and it churns my stomach ...

Men are just born and raised like that in Indian society. Hope the little boys of today are understanding and great husbands of tomorrow