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Why Divorce is a easy going for the "Foreign land" Settled Indians ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priya5474, Sep 8, 2009.

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  1. priya5474

    priya5474 New IL'ite

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    This is in relation to the thread "Should I walk out or stay?" A strong question rose in my mind after reading this thread.

    Is it because the men start to expect more from his indian wife in terms of physical appearance, money earning capacity, in terms of being a unpaid servant , baby sitter etc. etc.

    I feel most of the Positive Go for divorce is coming from the indian ladies settled in the foreign for quite a longer period of time. I feel the culture of the foreign land takes possession on their thoughts and life style that when there is need for adjustment/compromises in their married life then it goes the extent of divorce.

    Will there be so much attitude change once people go to foreign land???
    I feel the old school of thoughts relating to marriage and family is always good.

    I only go dead against marriage when it comes to physical harrassment.
    What do you ladies have to say on this.
     
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  2. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    No Priya. Divorce is not common only amongst NRIs . That is wrong notion.
    It is untrue that being an NRI housewife or a working lady, the woman gives up on compromising and ' a hyper-attittude ' is born within.

    Maybe, here in IL we commonly hear it from the NRI women. THAT IS ALL.
    Also, maybe because, the lady in the foreign land is left all alone with no support sometimes from parents, relatives, friends etc.

    Marriages can fail IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD !

    Being close to parents and relatives, them visiting often, one cannot hide the abuses and mishaps happening. But, in a foreign land.. who visits you often ??

    Just because, one leaves the country and settles somewhere, DOES IT MEAN ONE GIVES UP ALL THE MORALS ONE'S BOUGHT UP WITH ?? WHAT FOR ??

    A marriage neednt fail ONLY because of the spouse kicking the other, Priya ! It can happen due to so many reasons. Verbal Abuse being the worst of them ! Infedility in marriage too !!! C'mon, how can one of us tell the woman to ' adjust ' through all that ? How rude are we then ?

    What we do is entirely upto us, but what we suggest others to do must have a thought a-zillion-times !! It is afterall, some strangers' life !

    And please, just because the NRIs write about their problems here, please do not say that they may not have compromised for things in life. Who are we to comment on their sacrifices and troubles they went through ? We had a woman last year who was a housewife here in US and had to run for her life back to India, because her husband was troubling her ( not physical, but had kept her under closed doors for months !! ) .
    Now, how can we ask that woman to ' compromise ' .. ? It is difficult situation , Priya !

    We have had many ladies, from India who have cried for help on this very forum.. An entire lot of wonderful replies coming up in Life without Spouse, is from our homeland.

    So, which place doesnt matter, Priya. What filth is happening is what matters. IMO.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you should reframe your question....its not about is divorce easy....you should ask a question , are men becoming insensitive or too demanding??? (It doesnt matter whether its a foreign land or home land)


    Priya

    who told you that most of the positive go for divorce is from women??? or do you imply to say that women are making it easier on men:biglaugh:biglaughbecause women are not fighting anymore or not falling on the feet of so called abusive, insensitive, male chauvnistic, untruthful husbands???

    For your kind information, if I seggregate my own friends and relatives and neighbours, colleagues etc..I know there are equal no. of divorcees (the ones who live in India Vs one who abroad)

    Are you saying its easier for a woman to get separated and live and manage in a foreign land all by her self...After some moron got married to her, couldnt keep his promises or couldnt take care of his own responsibilities well, and if the women chooses to walk out..now its her fault???:bonk:bonkcant she say I GIVE UP or I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE???


    Please do not make comments or judgements about some topic just at the face value of it...(Just by reading posts on IL doesnt give you the whole crux or information about the situation a women is in about her marriage...If someone is coming and post their problems on IL..the way I look at it is...they still feel there is a chance..they want to work on it,..thats the reason for posting on IL..and even if they decide to walk out of their marriage..its purely their personal choice as they are the ones who have to deal with their spouses on day to day basis..we just sitting infront of our computer posting some suggestions wont make things really fine..these suggestions can be worked up on cant be forced up on their spouses isnt it???)

    ....if you think only physical harrasment or abuse is unbearable (might be you have known the implications and hurt it causes) but you have no idea about what forms of other abuses are there...and how people are hurt to the core on verbal abuses, day in and day out waking up andgoing to bed listening to some nonsense teachings and tortures, if you are being treated like a trashbin either you are housewife or a working women...it doesnt seem to satisfy that man no matter how good his wife is...reason...his own insecurities...

    so STOP judging people just by divorce ( I dont care either it is in foreign land or home land)....no women on this earth would want to leave a nice, wonderful, understanding and cooperating husband...no women on this earth would want to split her family and make her kids dwindle b/w mom n dad....
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2009
  4. drjp

    drjp Senior IL'ite

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    :thumbsup:thumbsup
    Srividya and Preethi,
    could not have said it better!! Great reply!
    If having married parents is the only requirement for raising happy kids, all the family courts and family lawyers should not exist in India right!!??
    The OP being a woman is blaming women for initiating divorce process is sad.
    drjp
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2009
  5. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    I'm just disappointed by your though process, and suprised by your judgement. If it is NRIs women r your question then I'm really proud of those women who stood up for they rights and they children and broke free from there abusive husbands ... rather than compromising with all the torcher there in-laws or husband had done to them.. and live again a free life:bowdown:bowdown
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Preethi and srividya. Actually Priya, your post made me feel uncomfortable in general. As if one way of thinking is right or wrong. I mean really, should we ever judge what is easy or hard for another person to do?

    As title of your post says divorce is 'easy'... I would like to respectfully disagree with you. In fact, I think taking the decision to divorce is often harder than staying in the marriage. Think about it... there is no ACTION required to stay in an unhappy marriage. You just suffer, bear it up, and 'hope' that someday it will get better. But in divorce, you are forced to start life all over again, support yourself, live on an emotional roller coaster... how can you say any of that is 'easy'? I have always felt that doing SOMETHING is harder than doing nothing. So the ladies who have done something to get some happiness into their lives... I say, good for them!

    And like Srividya said, there is more to abuse than just 'physical.' Priya, I pray that you NEVER have to go through verbal abuse. But if ever you do, you will see for yourself that words can hurt more than a punch. I have gone through the worst of verbal abuse in my life and will vouch for the fact that it can make you physically ill and totally turn your life upside down. To any woman who left their marriage due to verbal abuse, I could never judge her, because I KNOW her pain.

    And for the record Priya, I'd like to say that as an Indian, I feel a lot of the old rules regarding family are CRAP CRAP CRAP. From viewing women as possessions to be traded from family home to inlaws home, to the glorifying of MEN, and the worship of THEIR PARENTS... those are all sick practices to me. I believe in God, and that my God is the only one whom I should bow down to or ask blessings from... yet, old family values says I'm expected to bow down and touch the feet of my mil, the same woman who hates my guts. What type of tradition is that? Why should we have any practices that places one human being over the other? And why should we worship parents? It is precisely these screwed up 'family values' that pressurizes women to pump out children... basically, it's all a battle for respect and equality. A battle we shouldn't have to fight, Priya! We should respect women whether they are married or divorcee, whether she is a mother or not, whether she is in U.S. or India. And when a woman loses her respect, whether through her husband's affair, physical abuse, or verbal torture... let's not disrespect her further with the idea that she has simply 'failed to adjust' or 'compromise.'
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    It seems that the OP meant that women are getting influenced by their foreign sisters in foreign lands and opting for divorce . What about the men , are they too getting influenced ?
    Education has made a very large impact o our lives, most girls opt for jobs and work hard to balance home and office. Why would anyone disrupt ones life unless there was a pressing need ?
    Yes, now women do not take physical and verbal-mental abuse, infidelity lightly as women of yore and also do not consider their DHs to be deified and obeyed unquestioningly.
    Maybe the OP found several posts and replies from abroad for the simple reason that they are more net-savvy , it does not mean that ladies here in our country are enjoying ill-treatment ,they too are walking out of sick marriages !
     
  8. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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  9. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Priya - whether it may be in India or in US it is a painful experience for any woman to go thru a divorce. Many folks back in India have this notion that in western countries people lack family values and "change spouses like changing clothes" - which is not true. Remember - the reason to get married is to enjoy the companionship and togetherness. Instead, if it is a marriage that just makes your life hell , how can you expect women to just "Adjust"???

    Whatever the reasons may be, divorce in itself is a difficult phase , to make things worse why do people who cant help in anyway have to judge ??
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  10. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    This thread made me crack up :rotfl
    Really, it did :)

    Ennappa, ukkandhu room pottu yosipangalo! :bowdown
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
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