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Why Cant People understand??

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by rekhaatu, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. rekhaatu

    rekhaatu Silver IL'ite

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    I am just writing this post in such a frustrated mind... I just dont know why people dont understand simple things.
    Here are few experiences of mine.

    1. I understand many people prepare fake resumes and get jobs in US(in india too)
    And the software industry is so damn filled with all the fake candidates that I learned to live with it. The problem starts when any of the friends wife starts looking out for job. As unfortunately i am in QA, most married women choose that and the reason they say is "its easy". They come to me asking for guidance on what to study and etc. And finally they ask for my resume.
    Come'on... Every word in my resume is from my work. I never copied or put any false statements in my resume. My resume is 7.5 yrs work. How can they just ask like that. even if i say i bluntly that I dont like to share, they say, come on its just a resume.
    I mean what.. only people who work will understand the pain.

    2. And the next question, most often asked question is "whats your salary?"
    Many people might not find any wrong in this but its my personal choice not to discuss about my salary to anyone except my family.
    If i tell the same answer, they say i will share mine too. what a big deal in telling your salary? we will not ask your money.
    One should respect others thoughts. I chose it to keep private. i dont even care what everyone else is earning and i never ask.
    If I say the same, i am having adverse negative effects. I lost my job just a week after. it could be a coincidence but I believe the negative energy with which others see you will definitely have some effect on you.

    3. Finally, most popular question. "Why are you not planning for kids? Its time now. Do plan"
    We are not waiting for your permission. It is such a personal thing that we cant even discuss. People might have health issues or fertility issues. Its ok to ask once. but dont keep haunting. You can never know what going on in others life. How much pain they are going through.

    Housewives, working professionals, educated everyone asks these without thinking or valueing others opinions.
    I dont know how to answer or avoid such questions without offending others. Please suggest
     
    6 people like this.
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  2. padmapriya1

    padmapriya1 Gold IL'ite

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    Do not answer them, tell them directly i do not discuss personal details easily.
    I also hate people who does this :(
     
    sindmani and Sweettooth like this.
  3. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    It seems like everywhere you go, you see people with fake resumes get the better jobs but when it comes down to really doing the job, they don't quiet know what to do. I have come across a lot of people like that , falsify the resume of copy someone else's and pass it as theirs.
    I totally agree, if only you have put in the work, will you appreciate what is put on the resume.
    I do not like people asking about salary. That is where i draw the line.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. OliveOyl

    OliveOyl Gold IL'ite

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    Aha...Have been faced with all three situations:

    1) Resume: I tell them no, I cannot give, since what I have in my resume is totally outdated for the current market, and will def not fetch them a job. I throw in a few words (latest tech) and ask them to find someone who has worked on it for the best resume sample with the best job chances.

    2) Salary: I tell them that I get paid peanuts for the work I do, and veer the topic to the crappy life I lead trying to manage work life balance, and no amount can compensate me for the time I am losing with my kids. They usually shut up after that.

    3)Kids: I used to tell them "God will provide, I don't know when, but God will provide" They usually don't ask me after that.
     
    sindmani, racr and Srama like this.
  5. pranatim

    pranatim Platinum IL'ite

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    Rekha,
    From your post I can relate many things. This so called society of ours with so called educated people. Leave them in Moon they will ask the same question. People run to US and UK make money still they ask is the girl mangalik, is the horoscope matching? And fake resume OMG its pain and terrible when people want to copy your hard work. And your last question regarding kids. They are sadists they cannot handle their own child, either leave in play school or with old grand parents and in turn curse them for not taking care of their kids. Ample amount of examples are there you can read through. So the best is ignore and be friends to those who are like minded not to anyone and everyone that is what a big lesson I have learnt in my life. I can very well understand your frustration.
     
  6. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Rekha you frustration is only understandable.

    1. You have every right to feel proud of what you have done so far with your career and you should not share your resume with any one. It is best to be up front and say perhaps you are not the right person to offer even advice - it may not sound very good but it will help you keep peace. I know you may want to genuinely help, but if it gets to you there is no point. Is there?

    2. Talking about salary is a big no no and tell them the same - that you simply do not wish to discuss it and no you are not interested in knowing their salaries also. It is an tradition you have learnt and actually like it.

    3. Tell them that they will be the first ones to know about your pregnancy when it happens.

    Getting offended is their choice - I mean it! Don't let these to get to you.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Tell them directly- "pls dont fake in ur resume.." if they find out , you will be blacklisted" and you are also scared whether it will affect your career as well.. tell them clearly you have not done that yourself and dont want to get involved in such acts.. tell them you can assist them with course and the job search instead.

    2. these question is so stupid and it is a known coutesy that you should never ask such a thing.. this is a very usual question in india where people flaunt their salaries and inflate their salaries.. i liked one pp's answer.. "peanuts" :).. yes you can just tell in a relative terms.. like "not as much as i would like".. and turn the reply towards their side.. they must be asking to know how much they can potentially earn.. so maybe u can tell how much they will be earning if they get a job

    3. laugh and say - "its a personal question" and leave it at that?

    They may call u arrogant or cold but its better than really landing up in trouble for faking a resume or ur salaries and baby plans are all public news
     
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  8. devi123kar

    devi123kar Gold IL'ite

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    Rekha been there can understand how frustrating it could be. I never have found a solution yet I started ignoring the comments people really have to know their limitation which they don't. It took more than 3 years for me to reach this state.

    I just keep this in my mind "“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” - Winston Churchill
     
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  9. uma321

    uma321 Platinum IL'ite

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    Rekha, I have never come across someone faking their resume. Can't comment on that

    People do ask our salaries. When we were in India, my husband's cousin asked him his salary and his response was "Rs. 10k". she didn't know how to react. He HATES to tell his salary to anyone, including his own family and I follow the same. No one ever dared to ask me that question. If they do ask, I'd say I'm getting $1000 per month. ha ha ha.. they'll shut their mouth and go.

    NEVER EVER give your resume to others. I like Oliveoyl's response.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  10. jasenilaa

    jasenilaa Senior IL'ite

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    Yeah, I can understand your frustration, after all I had been asked these so called general “chit chat “ questions. But when I think about it now , it was great lessons after all.

    1. Resume- You really can make out, whether people genuinely need your help in job search, or they are just curious know about your job profile etc. Help them , but not at the cost of your own privacy and job safety. Resume references are all over in the internet for all jobs, just hint them “they have to spend their time and prepare, same like you had spent many years building your own resume-not simply copying”.

    2. Salary – Next most awkward and lengthy discussion will be about salary. I will share my salary to family members (who can keep the info for themselves) and people who earn more than me and those are really in good position. But actually, these set of people never be bothered about my salary, all they interested is about company, nature of job,progess etc.

    Salary incident 1 (no adverse effect): one of my relatives was asking abt the nature of job in overseas and another(uncool) one in the group slowly turned the discussion to salary, how much im earning? I replied “people nowadays not even share their annual holiday slots, so you are interested to know salary- really you are brave”. She replied “I need some guidance about salary for my son”. I said “oh really..”

    Salary incident 2(very bad) : one of my project leads, logged into personal page, to check attendance details and checked my salary too. He felt im earning more(as I did a certification) and then onwards less priority for work, less work load etc. In the end moved to another project and finally quit the job later. As new job=new salary, less jealousy . Haa!

    Salary questions are very common, if the question is from difficult people, draw a straight bold line. Because once you say less, how much less, roughly how much? .. like that there will be endless questions..so stop with straight face. To keep my sanity ,I will be rough to rough people.

    3. Baby: “Im waiting for my baby, so why don’t you also wait? These days’ people are very impatient!! ” . this worked for me. When I said this to a lady with 4 children, her response was like “why the hell I should be waiting patiently for your baby..?” – she just moved to other topic. I like it. Haa!

    I just shared my experience, these questions can never be stopped from popping here and there..like mere questions, just do the right thing. Just we only know, how much these questions are sensitive enough for our lives.
     
    2 people like this.

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