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Why are there claims of bulk amount in the name of compensation in a divorce?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by sarajara, May 28, 2010.

  1. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    There was a discussion in my house on ladies opting out of the wedlock.
    I know a family of sisters whose Daughters in law have all filed for divorce.All of them have asked for a heavy compensation amount. They all have walked out of the husbands home within a month, a week or within a couple of years max.


    All of the ladies are married off to either doctors or engineers working out of India. They have all experssed distrust and indifferent treatment from their respective husbands. They all have produced a long list - big number of reasons supporting their stand,where as the guys' side complaints of the DILs lacking respect or behavioral etiquette ( like not sitting cross legged in front of inlaws, having snacks got from outside before doing pooja - etc )

    In all the cases marriage expenses have been borne by the girls' side.All the ladies are firm in getting divorced and my MIL after hearing her friends fellow MIL's side story feels that the educated working ladies of current age are greedy for money and they have all just married for financial gains and now that all their husbands are trying working abroad they are all trying to fleece from them. To my horror this MIL club is accusing the mother of all the DILs for standing by their daughters and suspecting them as the major cause of all the splits.

    All the girls have claimed for bulk compensations [ 25L - 35L] and the guys side are speaking total rot of the girls.

    I am no way connected to any of them,( my dh's family's friends) but when discussions happen at my home on those ppl, I tend to take the DILs stand and try to find out the reason from the girls shoes which eventually gets a bad impression on me from my MIL. In fact at times even I get irritated with the continuous DIL criticisims, though I know for sure that MIL does not have anything of them for me , I am some how uncomfortable hearing these repeated criticism on those girls who have left their families.

    What could have gone wrong with all the families that the girls are not able to sustain there for more than 30 months max?

    Please help dear friends - as some day If i happen to meet any of those DILs I would like to do the best i could to make their relationships better.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010
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  2. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    OP very nice thread, and this topic is very complex, there cannot be one person who is wrong. However it is equally truewomen want money as they see that they want to benefit too out of divorce.

    A friend of mine has a friend in UK, he says his wife has made his life hell and when he says he wants to seperate, she says I wont leave you easily, pay me this and that only then I will leave

    Like you said some women may have borne all expenses in marriage. But even otherwise women would demand huge money at the time of seperation in name of child support, alimony or just to ease the seperation

    Also we have to bear one imp point in mind. Many women may not want to do that too, the lawyers drive them to do that, the lawyer press or try to extract most out of the broken marriage for themselves and their clients....
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010
  3. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    How I wish I had read such a post few years ago? I would have ripped him and sucked his blood. :biglaugh:biglaugh. I never knew such booties were a part of divorce. I never got any settlement; and all I wanted was only freedom
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010
  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    There are a few points which come to my mind-
    1 No one marries thinking of alimony , but if things sour then divorce is a good option.
    2 When a girl marries it is assumed that her husband will take care of her , this is the usual practice all over the world . She leaves her parental home and is treated like a guest by her SILs who rightly think that its their house.
    3 After a divorce the girl is homeless , her family may or may not support her or welcome her as a permanent member again , she could be a housewife with no means of income unless she gets a job. Without alimony how can she survive , even legal proceedings require money. Lawyers have to be paid too.
    4 A wife has the right to demand a place to stay , a fair amount of money to sustain her in the life style of her ex husband. Kids also require money for education etc.
    5 Alimony is settled according to the means of the hubby . One time amount is asked so as to end all contact with the ex who may all sorts of excuses to evade it. If he remarries then it he will have to maintain two households.
    If one pays Rs 10 thousand per month as alimony , in ten years time the total amount would seem princely -around 11 lakhs.
    JMO
    Recently a judge had asked a working wife to pay alimony to her non working DH who had been kicked out by DW. There are plenty of high profile cases of the same genre.
    If all DILs are asking for divorce then there is something wrong with the friends family ! All DILs cannot be greedy and bad.
    No MIL would like DS giving money to ex -wife for obvious reasons .
    Why do MILs want their ex DILs to just walk away ? Would they do the same if DD was in trouble ?

    Every DIL is someones DD.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010
    sindmani likes this.
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    If so many girls are walking out of that one particular family... then what does that say about the family? I mean, did I read correctly that there is one mil who is losing all her dils? If that is the case, big red flag!

    "Lacking respect" or "not having family values" usually seems to be code for, "My soon to be ex-wife could not withstand my mother's abuse or my dominating behavior." And snacks??? These women are adult, they should be able to eat when they're hungry and pray when they want. If my husband was constantly tell me what to do, I'd go nuts too.

    Let anyone blabber what they want about the girl's opting for divorce. If the mil's son is really so great and the family is so great to be in, he should be able to get married again and keep his new wife no problem, right? So just wait and watch to see if the second/third/nth wife jumps ship too. When she does, they'll look foolish and it'll be pretty clear who was the cause of the problem.
     
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  6. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks every one for your time here and the replies.

    Hmm yes the ladies can rightfully demand their compensation.
    But none of the girls have kids or conceived.Also all are working and in good positions in IT based companies.

    when they have got back the jewellery what has been given to them during the wedding, why should they demand - citing the amount that they have earned when they were together with the husband? Here the husband's side has spent a lot of money to set up a home outside india - which is quite very expensive.


    ASG: yes the family is very orthodox to follow lots of beliefs related to Poojas and stuff and they do not accept anything got from outside on those days. Poor thing the girl was very hungry after preparing everythign for the gods "neveidyam" that she had a couple of potato chips before the pooja as she cannot have any of the food that she prepared before Pooja!

    I think its not the right thing to scold any one on those grounds!Its very natural for any one to feel hungry after all that hard work of preparing a lot of items for Pooja.

    Asg its not one lady there are 2-3 of them MILs who are all siblings all have their DILS filing for divorce and all ofthem talk thro phone to each of their sisters and their close friends like my MIL to give a long preaching on how bad DILs are and - this is confusing my otherwise good MIL at times.

    flowerlady: To the point answer! :) Thanks for clearly listing out the condisiotns that might prove a compensation necessary for the ladies.

    All the girls are working and are professionals!doing well in their career too.
    yes its right that you said every DIL is someones DD. But the guys side has no girl children and they often cite as how they were treated when they were DILS! And they want their DILS to go thro the same 18th century treatment . I do not see any of the ladies behaving ina MIL tone to them while talking to them are treating them in front of others or so. I do not even see that mentality when they talk to me when they visit my MIL.

    I am just confused as what could have been the mistake on the either sides that both of them label each other as the worst of their kind. :-(

    Of all other things i am wondering as what in a week or a months time got them the idea that these people can never be good for them all through the life?

    They would have had their time to know the person right?
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. needhelp123

    needhelp123 Silver IL'ite

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    So there are 3 MIL with similar DNA who are constantly discuss with each other how to teach their bad bad DIL some respect! Poor girls it seems like they had not only one MIL to manage, NO they had to face an orthodox trio of MIL!
    I am just having the picture of a three headed monster before me. :hide:
    Sorry, no offense..
    But I can imagine why the girls escaped.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2010
  8. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Needhelp :) Thanks for the comment . I did not mistake it either.In fact I am trying to figure out what might have happened in this case, as all the MILS talk about the positives of their DILs as well and that they cry badly to each other saying that all their sons lives have gone for a toss ... :(

    One of them lives in bangalore and i could see her crying everytime she comes to see my MIL. I feel very sorry for her when she says that her sons life is at toll and she could remember her DIL by seeing those that she had got for home. I could not tell that they are completely wrong either .

    As i cannot think that they are typical problematic mother in laws as they still talk good things about their DILs!

    Many a time I feel that they have done something to trouble the DIL but then they list out certain stuff that is wrong on the DILs side too.

    What ever it be i think one week or one month is too short a time frame to decide on if the person is compatible or not.

    All are arranged marriages within same community! Hence ther should not be much of a misunderstanding on customs either.
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    flowerlady has put forth apt reasons...

    Sara, most of the known cases to me, placed claims of bulk amount to their respective bitter halves based on the spendings they did in the marriage (tangible and non tangible)...

    Apart from that in India its impossible to track an offender if he refuses to pay monthly alimony.. when the parties get just too bitter... hence there's a full and final settlement done in a lumpsum amout before a final signature placed... which also clears the guy for his future dealings in property and matrimony.
     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Duplicate...
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2010

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