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Why Are Men Such Toddlers?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 21, 2020.

  1. Urmila

    Urmila Silver IL'ite

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    As you told it’s the truth as all know. Many biological aspects do contribute to this shorter life span but they surely can change the environmental factors.
    Why men often die earlier than women - Harvard Health Blog
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana,

    In my opinion, the root cause is quite different. There were two types of men that existed before civilization began. One is a farmer and another is a hunter. Those who went into the deep woods in the night looked for animals to hunt. They mostly slept during the day and prefer not to contribute anything at home. There are another set of men called farmers. They protected the women staying home all night and did farming during the daytime. These people help women a lot during the day. So the decision to marry a man should not be based on whether he is tall, dark, and handsome but whether he is a farmer or hunter before civilization. In other words, women should go for farmers who are domesticated, if that is a priority. Men who are awake past midnight belong to the category of hunters whereas those who go to sleep early are farmers. Habits never die and rewiring the brain requires analysis of genetic code, the same level of intensity shown to analyze the genetic code of COVID-19.

    Note: Choose wisely and conquer the world.
     
  3. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Women don’t need protection though.
     
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  4. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for sharing your point of view here. Just by participating in this thread - you are truly helping. I often wonder why some of the experienced folks in this forum do not engage in certain topics - I understand and am fully aware that these can be muddy waters - but what is badly needed is the point of view of these very minds to sort out our perspectives of these fundamental issues because of which we see dozens of unhappy women who to come to IL to get some understanding of the problems they are steeped in.

    (I am very vocal about this topic because I feel this unpaid labor of women in every culture is a big deterrent for women to become truly equal citizens of the world. I did get quite lucky with the men in my family who are hands-on or happy to become hands-on after I put up a case for it but I know this luck is a privilege and is not normal nor does it come easy.)

    Your perspective of the farmer and hunter is a simplified one - It *is* valuable for some one to come to terms with a partner or relative who is unwilling to change from their choices. It says to a friend - you cannot change him, make your life easier with what you got and seek your happiness elsewhere. And also as you say - this perspective is good for women who are seeking partners and at the same time have the *choice* to evaluate and choose their partners - once again - a huge privilege and lots of luck involved in being able to make this choice.

    I don’t really have a point to make - just wanted to share my thoughts as I read your response. :)
     
  5. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    I have to politely refute the point of view of "genetic defect" or "manufacturing defect" - it is disrespectful and unkind to men. (let alone morally incorrect to those suffering from a genetic abnormality). But I also understand where the pain of these words is stemming from - the years and decades of life flying by can do this to anyone (including me).

    As soon as we consider any behavior "intrinsic", we are setting up ourselves to the mindset that there can be no change. And this to me means there is no way forward. But that is not the case - there is surely a way forward. Couples in their 30s and 40s are more equal that couples a generation earlier. And I am lucky to know a few couples in their 50s and 60s that have a pretty-equal relationship.

    And I have to agree the inequalities of the previous generations might have fully made sense in those circumstances - the provider and nurturer roles. The current change is because people have different aspirations and we want to make that possible - hand-in-hand with family life.
     
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  6. candidheart

    candidheart Platinum IL'ite

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    sorry wrong post deleted
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2020
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry not able to respond to all posts. I have read all. Lots of food for thought.

    Random observation:
    The title is a disservice to toddlers. Give that they are prone to demand "I do it!!" and stomp their feet, insist on trying to do everything themselves. Quite a contrast to the man plonked on the sofa and asking, "I do it?"
     
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  8. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    (unrelated to thread) You magically answered a question I just had in my head a couple of days ago. Our toddler participates in home chores with us - with such zeal and dedication that I cannot understand. And I asked myself - how did we get this lucky? I guess it is in big part beginning-human nature...:)
     
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  9. Benadryl

    Benadryl Silver IL'ite

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    Brushing all men with the same brush of a few experiences seems to be a stretch. I have seen families where the men really don't do anything and I envy them, to be honest. The wives destine themselves to be slaves who are willing to do everything for their master. Its a mental attitude that may appeal to some people of both genders. But you have to think - why that male is behaving this way. Many reasons, some are : he is modelling his behaviour on his father, the wife is so adjusting that she is always willing to pick up the slack, the male really isn't interested in the family.

    This is a universal truth - every parent in the world will feel s/he puts in more effort than their partner. In our family, we are equal partners and divide the work equally. Even then I ensure I support my wife in everything. For eg if grocery shopping is a family activity, I will take care of the kids and the trolleys while the wife can shop peacefully. This wears me down to no extent - 2 - 3 hours of two kids non-stop abusing you while you are taking care of them and pushing trolleys is quite a task. But we lack in other places. Would you want a love filled marriage with the male not helping in any daily activities? Or would you live in a loveless marriage where both are equal partners in other things?

    Another small point I will say as it is my personal reality. I recognise the faults in my upbringing and want to make sure that I dont be the father to my child like how my father is to me. Due to this, I will limit my involvement in some minor places which involve kids. Like teaching spellings or phonics - I have zero patience for it - so I step away. I have tried and I ended up yelling at the little kid for not knowing the difference in pronouncing "was" and "waste". So there is some possibility that most men do not want to model their real selves in front of their child - so they avoid a few things. But not assisting wife in daily matters is sheer stupidity. And in most cases my observation is that the wife enables the man to behave this way. Just my 2 tiny cents.
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    A virtual brain storming about why Adams are or being or and like to be treated as toddlers.

    I deem this discussions and deliberations are by itself a thesis thanks to @Rihana renown for creating threads of piece de resistance.

    Dr @Viswamitra - during the course of the day, sometime I act like a farmer or hunter & at some other time a matured toddler (child like not puerile)

    Eve prefer to treat me some times like a toddler, even at times she loves and likes that I turn a toddler on my own. Many times, it is day and other time it is not in day.

    A man & woman too in family may have to reverse the roles and at different period either or both Adam & Eve turn into toddlers.

    It all depends on PAC as described in the book “I AM OK YOU ARE OK”. I believe there is a always a bit of child-adult-parent in every person. Yes it could in the DNA ; it is in X & Y chromosomes. So behaviour has to be changing too to suit the moment or event or incident.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2020
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