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Why Are Men Such Toddlers?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 21, 2020.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    General wondering out loud, not complaining.

    Why is is that grown men have to be treated like toddlers?

    When there is a newborn in the house, they need to be told again and again about how the mother needs sleep, about their Netflix, exercise, yoga and office work might see some disruption. Hello...there is a new being in the house that is completely dependent on others.

    Why do they need to be told that pa-ter-ni-ty leave is to spend time with the new child and family?

    The sleep-deprived and struggling to breastfeed mother has to praise the grown man's efforts to help like a teacher reinforces positive behavior in pre-school.

    More below... too much to put in one post.
     
    Thyagarajan, AmulB, Ranchu and 3 others like this.
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    As the children grow, they need help with a school project or homework or have some competition coming up.

    It is often the mother who manages that. If the father's help is taken, he becomes one more entity to manage. If he had plans like taking the car for an oil change, or going to Costco that day, he will first bring that up... Mother has to patiently count to 10, and explain that maybe, just maybe, oil change and Costco can wait a few hours or till the next weekend.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    When the planned routine of the day or weekend is suddenly interrupted, women take it in their stride.

    Even if her hair is oiled and she was planning a detailed "head-bath" with shikakai or kunkudukai (soapnuts), mom will don a haircap or just cover the hair and go drive the child wherever the child has to go or be picked up from.

    If she was doing a home facial and mask is on, and that needs to be interrupted, she will pause it and go attend to what is urgent.

    If she was cooking two dishes on the stove, she will immediately switch them off, or write down instructions for others and step out.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
  4. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If friends call and say they are dropping by (unplanned visit), even before she hangs up the phone, the woman will start saddo-fying (setting straight) stuff in the living room, and starts scanning around the house to see what else needs to be saddo-fied. As soon as she hangs up the phone, she will start giving instructions to the kids, starts to check if the bathroom looks usable, kitchen sink... kitchen counters...

    The man... why doesn't he also automatically start helping to get the house ready for the visitors? Why does that "innocenti" "doubtful" "bewildered" look come on his face when the wife says go quickly get this snack from the Indian store, or to do a quick (different from detailed) clean up of the bathroom?

    The main question is why does the man need to be "managed"? Why does he need explanation for why his routine is getting disrupted? Why that hesitation and "do I have to?" look to leave the precious laptop and do what needs to be done?

    When the woman is running around the house like a headless chicken, why is he often found doing things that can wait?

     
  5. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana - Please stop reading people's minds, okay?

    I don't want to get started. Up until now, I thought we were equal parents but I see it more and more now how much extra work I do, and my husband just acts like he doesn't live in the same house or doesn't know what to do.

    1. Kids need new winter clothes and boots. Mom knows, dad has no idea.
    2. It's an online teacher meet, dad doesn't even know where the meeting code is.
    3. Uniform needs to be ready for school- totally unaware of it.
    4. Homework is just too much for dad to handle but mom can handle two kids and her work.
    5. And straightening the house? They don't see the mess, it's invisible!

    I can go on and on.......
     
    Thyagarajan, AmulB, Ranchu and 6 others like this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I thought all this was mostly behind me with children now teen or older. But not really. Child needed a little help to polish a resume which is due midnight today. All just realized it is due midnight of another time zone, earlier than ours. : )

    I am up to my elegant eyebrows in Zoom calls. DH has the day off. Wellness day, it seems. Can you please help the child? Like, it should be child's play for you.. you see so many resume each week.. just give a few suggestions and that's it. Please don't go into lectures about not leaving things till the last minute, etc? Just do what I am asking? Since you cannot yourself realize it needs to be done, when I ask you (nicely, in a toneless voice), just do the needful? Will take you a maximum of 15-20 minutes?
     
  7. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    I still have painful memories from my both deliveries when he was enjoying his life as usual and I was sleep deprived, working alone whole day for kids, office, cooking cleaning laundry. It’s the upbringing from Indian moms who raise their son like prince and never teach any work. Also fault of Indian male dominated society. This will not change till young girls don’t take strong stand. Now I feel like telling all young girls not to have kids at all unless their partner is willing to be involved in all work plus emotional, physical support and enthusiastic to have kid. It feels like only women want kid.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
    happygirl, Thyagarajan, AmulB and 2 others like this.
  8. kaluputti

    kaluputti Gold IL'ite

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    hi Rihana , nice post about the perennial...I mean absolutely no solution here...:grimacing:, issue. am surprised that you are even mentioning abt something the whole world has accepted as normal, the mom of the toddler mentioned would fight to death to uphold:grinning-smiley-048:, the concerned person (???) :hmmm: knows that all know about the game but pretending not to know...:oops::oops:.

    But I find that it is more of a ranting, loud thinking as mentioned ....;).. and at 70 how much of these toddler games I have witnessed everywhere...:BangHead:!!!

    After being part of the scenes, now an observer of this behavior in my next gen. too.

    Loooooooong time bck, I read somewhere that "Family is a part of a man's life, whereas for a woman it IS life".. don't know this has initially been told by a man and carried forward to reinforce the thought in the society.

    I also remember Suki Subramaniam, during one of his talks mentioning..."God created man and then finding him irresponsible, decided to create women to instill some responsibility into him"...what a pity....even God fails...o_O!

    Just remembering one more quote..."It takes 2 women to bring up a man....:eek::eek::eek:

    I wanted to have some fun, I am beyond the 'wondering aloud' stage , you see...:D, so no offence intended...if not here in our beloved IL....where else....:icon_pc:...!

    :thumbup:
     
    Thyagarajan, startinganew and Rihana like this.
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s simple. Men are conditioned to assume that women will pick up the slack no matter what. And we women shoot ourselves in the foot by doing just that. It’s also a matter of different priorities. My better half would be content to wallow in a pigsty as long as the meals arrived on time. It took literally years for some basic concepts to sink in. So much drama for such little things!
     
  10. NOW

    NOW Silver IL'ite

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    There would not be much traffic or none at all on Indus ladies if not for this man child :) !!

    Somedays I am seriously contemplating will I be better if I quit work and at-least not drain myself physically, mentally and emotionally playing this catch-up game day after day.

    But I think only because of my career I am surviving this marriage mayhem. oh gosh !!

    I just felt lighter reading your post and left a huge sigh and then back to tending to my 2 kids and instructing the reckless teenager in the house(husband).
     
    SCA, Thyagarajan, ashima10 and 2 others like this.

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