Why Are Females Expected To Follow Festival Rituals Of The Husband Side?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Sweety2019, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all..a general query..
    In India all festivals and rituals are followed mostly by the females of the house. Then why don't we allow the females to follow the rituals and traditions that she has done from childhood in the maternal house..
    Or at least amalgamate both sides rituals.
    Or do the rituals the way the couple find peace and happiness..
    Why is it that females have to leave behind everything and do rituals only as per in laws.. ( well problem is even when she tries to follow their ways they find mistakes and make it difficult for the female)
    Isn't it the happiness and peace of mind everyone wants..
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2019
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So why are you following only their ways?
    What will they do if you incorporate some of your ways?
    Scream? shout? Make a scene like idiots?
    Calmly tell them if they got a girl from another home and should accept that she comes with her own traditions that she learnt at home. Tell them we all should accept a bit from each other

    If they tell you you now belong to their family....tell them calmly ....times have changed and people should try to keep up with time.

    There is no point complaining if you yourself don't make an effort to change things.
    Or
    They can do it all themselves.
     
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  3. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Because these are the laws made by some foolish people. Until and unless we step our foot down they don’t listen.
    The problem is after marriage they think they have all the rights on their wife and belong only to them.
     
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  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Newly wed girls get a length of time to retrain her housemates to her liking. If she has too many housemates, the retraining of all of them within the allotted time becomes a difficult project. During this (probationary) period, the new housemate tried to get along by going along with whatever had been the norm. It is entirely up to her individual cleverness and talents to change the housemates to her points of view. And not get evicted.
     
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  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    That's the crazy Indian culture. Kanyadhaan.
    Women have to accept the husbands family as her own.
    Coming to rituals, if you are going to do it,
    You do it as you want. You have to become assertive.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It's simpler for the incoming DILs to learn and adopt the customs of the family than for the family to keep changing as each son gets married.

    Now, if the son and DIL live separately and not with his parents, then, it is easier to follow a mix of the rituals/customs from both's families. Though often, the woman follows more of her family as that is what she is familiar with.
     
  7. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

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    In some terms it feels fair for the in laws to adopt as well because festivals are not everyday thing and the female is also adjusting to everything else on other days..
    So why not...
    Yes I agree when there are many sons that could lead to chaos, then do a amalgamation..that might lead to lesser intercultural conflict.. and everyone feels involved and less burdened..
    Festivities are meant to be relaxing and happiness not stringent rules and regulations...
    What do other Ilites think??
     
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  8. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    If you wear the YM lens of “everything is a devious plot” then everything is a devious plot. In general, its a way for elders to pass on rituals and like Rih said it is easier for one person to learn versus many. Also it is supposed to be done with goodwill from both sides, but if each and everytime we view it as “mil vs dil” then right its a “devious plot” :blush:
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I guess the dil 's elders or their rituals are not worthy of being passed on to the next generation in your eyes.
    Where is the goodwill in discarding everything the dil has learnt in her life?
    It is often the case of the mighty enforcing it on the weaker party ....very little to do with goodwill .
     
  10. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Expanding on what Rihana said, in those days, it was the MIL that sort of ran the house and the DIL was someone who was initiated into the household. There were so many children and usually had a mix of both sons and daughters and hence the MIL was the overseer of everything in the house, as the DILs came and each one got initiated into the general running of the house. Similarly, the incoming DIL's parents had their customs and traditions passed on to the DILs that came to their house and so it went on. Also, these traditions and rituals were born out of beliefs that doing certain things in certain ways meant appeasement of dead ancestors or a family deity or something like that, failing which they risked inviting the wrath of the said ancestor or family deity. When my mom married into my dad's family, they were a joint family in the beginning where the eldest DIL was who directed all the family traditions (since my grandmother had sort of 'retired', apparently) and while she did most of what her MIL had taught her, she diluted some of those traditions, probably started incorporating some of what was followed in her FOO and so on. Eventually, when everyone went to their separate homes (due to job transfer etc.), while everyone followed a basic template, they just diluted it as per convenience. Today, in my generation, with a mix of believers and non-believers and DILs from other belief systems, we just do what's convenient or in some cases, do nothing at all. So I agree with rgz... not everything is intended with malice.
     

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