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Whose money is it? Yours/Ours/Mine

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by whatisaguytodo, Oct 24, 2012.

  1. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Another thread got me thinking. Money issues are the number one cause of divorce. After getting married a wife remarking "What's yours is mine and what's mine is still mine" is a joke I'm sure we've all heard.

    One way I've heard is that both the husband and wife get X dollars a month. They can this spend on whatever they want without consulting the other and no questions will be asked. Anything above that requires a consultation.

    How do you share financial responsibilities? Who has more say? The spouse that earns more? Should a spouse support the in-laws?

    Interesting Articles

    http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/budget/marriage-money-issues

    http://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/09/marriage-killing-money-issues.asp#axzz25b4JQQL7
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That is the ideal situation - both husband and wife get X dollars and can spend on whatever they want. Reality is that if the wife is not working, she is dependent on husband, and even if she gets X dollars a month to spend as she wishes to, if she saves that and sends a big amount to her parents, husband will not like it, even if he won't explicitly say so. If she spends that on herself, husband might not mind.

    In real life, what often happens is the man's parents get support for their needs and some of their wants will also be met. if the woman is working, her parents needs might once in a while get met if she is assertive enough. If she is not working, helping her parents with their needs or wants is highly improbable. This is what I've seen with friends and read here.
     
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  3. coolwinds

    coolwinds Platinum IL'ite

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    "Who has more say?". the spouse with a better fiscal sense should handle the finances keeping the other in the loop.

    as for supporting the in-laws, it gets tricky for the spouse who is non-earning. also depends on the strength of the marital relationship.
     
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  4. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Traditionally, the man would earn and handover the money to his wife and then she would spend it on household things, servant's payment, etc. You know the saying 'tijori ki chabiyan gruha-lakshmi ke haat honi chahiye" I believe it was a fair enough way of handling finances.

    Now, both men and women have infiltrated eachother's territory. Women want some say in investments like property buying, insurances, etc. In the same way, men nowadays know lots about grocery shopping, clothes shopping as the have seen some domestic life before marriage. Fair enough even today.

    According to me, there should be these simple rules:

    0. Know what amount is considered 'expensive' for each other, general spending habits and respect that. Some wouldn't even think twice before spending $10. But some are awed if its exceeds $5.
    1. Decide an amount which is okay to be spent without 'telling'. Say $50 per item.
    2. Decide an amount which is okay to be spent without 'asking permission'. Say $300 per item.
    3. Inform the other if you are going to spend/send more than above 'telling' amount, whoever's money may that be.
    4. Ask permission if you are going to spend/send more than above 'asking permission' amount, whoever's money may that be.

    Looks simple, but I don't how well it will work, as I've not earned since marriage. [​IMG]
     
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  5. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    It is n should be "ours"!!

    My hubby n me we buy things together. our bank accounts are the same (both our sal go to one joint acc). we inform each other about the spending even if it is $1. So its ours!
     
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  6. FreeSpirit20

    FreeSpirit20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, me and DH always plan the finances, tell each other of every penny spent, regardless of who earns or not. And about spending on our respective parents, we believe both deserve equally.
     
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  7. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Are you both working?
     
  8. gymfreak4utakenover

    gymfreak4utakenover Silver IL'ite

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    Both should be involved in financial decisions, is what I believe! Unless and until its a gift for the other, Sharing or atleast informing the other, can help avoid silly problems in life..
     
  9. FreeSpirit20

    FreeSpirit20 Platinum IL'ite

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    We were working while in India. I don't work now.

    And one more important thing. We don't invite our parents in our finances. I mean we keep them separate, don't divulge details unless necessary.

     
  10. SaleemaRex

    SaleemaRex Gold IL'ite

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    It is definitely ours. We do discuss all major expenditures before going ahead with it but minor ones like going out for lunch or something like that, it will be after the fact (if we remember it). We do have separate bank accounts but we know each others codes.
     

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