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Who Is Right , Who's Wrong? Siblings Rivalry

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Aug 4, 2018.

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  1. Aug 7, 2018 #51
    Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Different set of rules?
    Expecting girls to take care of parents in old age -- is fair if the girls are financially independent
    Why is it fair that parents should give when they don't have and their business is not doing well?
    They need to start saving for their retirement as they can't and should not depend on children to take care of them.
     
    Topaz49, Aug 7, 2018
    Topaz49, Aug 7, 2018
    #51
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  2. Aug 7, 2018 #52
    shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I was referring to DD1 not DD2
     
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    #52
  3. Aug 7, 2018 #53
    Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    It is easy to blame guys in a ladies forum as there are not many to defend themselves. How about blaming a woman who is not yet married yet trying to build wealth for would be husband's family compromising the financial health of her own parents? If she is like this now, how she is going to help the parents post marriage?
     
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    #53
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  4. Aug 7, 2018 #54
    shravs3

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    I never supported DD2 either ;) I meant reasons for DD1 to not involve !!!
    And yes even now I tell there are very very very few guys who take care of their inlaws... Not all:shakehead:. Hence parents irrespective of whether they have son or daughter should invest in their retirements early in life. And yes there are even sons who don’t bother about parents .
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    #54
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  5. Aug 7, 2018 #55
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    India's national pledge goes, 'India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters." That does not make the entire country DD2's siblings. She will compare what she got from her parents with what her sister got. It is a natural comparison.

    It would be nice if she appreciates her overall good fortunes, counts her blessings, understands that parents are human too, and did their best with what they knew/had at each phase of life. But, if she does not, and feels parents are being unfair, I would not blame her.

    All that is fine. She can appreciate all that, focus on the wonderful family, and yet feel parents were not fair.
    Who said love = money? Overall, parents should try to distribute their affections, attention, time, mental, physical and financial resources as equally as possible between the children. If one child needs something more than anohter, or if parents are not able to do justice for whatever reason, they should acknowledge and explain it to the one deprived. In this case, they can talk about why more was spent on her education, why less on her wedding ...

    If the parents, with both daughters present, acknowledge to the younger one that they are not being fair, explain their situation, offer some hope/ideas that in the future things might get more even, and still the younger one makes a fuss, then, I'd be more likely to call her unreasonable.

    Grown woman, educated, can earn... these don't matter. A person can be super rich, and well-settled, but if something is her right, being deprived of that without due explanation/acknowledgement, will bother and hurt. Will fester.

    We can say that it is not right to make parents go through the experience of having to acknowledge to child that they are having to be unfair, but, if the deprived child has expressed any sign of the unfairness bothering, it is better for the long term that the parents address the matter properly now.

    In this case, we don't know how the parents handled it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2018
    Rihana, Aug 7, 2018
    Rihana, Aug 7, 2018
    #55
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  6. Aug 7, 2018 #56
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    ?? She is trying to get what she thinks is her fair right. She is not building wealth for husband or husband's family. Parents compromised their own financial affairs.
    Maybe she has a strong sense of what is right, and what is her right. And will do what is right by parents. Maybe she will consider taking care of parents a privilege, not a responsibility.
     
    Rihana, Aug 7, 2018
    Rihana, Aug 7, 2018
    #56
  7. Aug 7, 2018 #57
    Viswamitra

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    Okay. But how do you know DD1's husband is the cause for DD1 not helping? Who said parents need not save money for their retirement and spend it for wedding?
     
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    #57
  8. Aug 7, 2018 #58
    Viswamitra

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    Let God save the parents.
     
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    Viswamitra, Aug 7, 2018
    #58
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  9. Aug 7, 2018 #59
    shravs3

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    I have already mentioned that in the above post
     
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    shravs3, Aug 7, 2018
    #59
  10. Aug 7, 2018 #60
    Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    DD2 doesn't have to be a frog in the well. Look outside and she will realize how lucky she is.

    No one is perfect, At good times, parents got excited and perhaps spent more than they should have. Don't forget, it is their hard earned money. Who gives children the right over parents hard earned money to determine what or how they should have spent their money?

    "Who said love = money?"
    It sure is, as the squabble here is over and for money.

    "If the parents, with both daughters present, acknowledge to the younger one that they are not being fair, explain their situation, offer some hope/ideas that in the future things might get more even ..."
    Are you kidding me? Parents have to justify? DD2 already knows that their business is not doing well. You think the parents are not already feel bad about this. Would it be enough if parents kneel down and beg for DD2's forgiveness? Is this the punishment for having children?

    "Grown woman, educated, can earn... these don't matter. A person can be super rich, and well-settled, but if something is her right, being deprived of that without due explanation/acknowledgement, will bother and hurt. Will fester."
    Be mature and get over it. Today, the fight is with parents, tomorrow it will be with in-laws!

    No one should be dependent on children sons/daughters. The goal should be self sufficient at one's old age.
     
    Topaz49, Aug 7, 2018
    Topaz49, Aug 7, 2018
    #60
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