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Who Is Right , Who's Wrong? Siblings Rivalry

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the parents should be left out of this blame game - if we were to keep an account of all the rights and wrongs we do, I am sure we all have a huge list. Life runs a lot on emotions, pride and what not even if a lot of planning is done. I think they have done their best in ways they thought with in the circumstances they were in, for both the daughters.

    No point pitting or offering opinions about who is right or wrong by anyone - it will only lead to more bitter feelings.
    If anything, someone should knock some sense into both the daughters.

    The elder one for having a good life, looking at her parents' position should offer some help for all the good things that have happened to her (instead of demanding more) and with a sense of gratitude - to be able to give back some at least in times of need.

    The younger one should without a fuss take what's coming her way, not in submission but with a sense of gratitude and pride that in times of need, the family could come together.

    and she seems like she is also getting into 'not a greedy family'.

    Both the daughters should be aware that not the same things will happen to them any which way and what will matter is how supportive they are of one another when the other feels slighted. How incredible would it be to show that two sisters pulled this together well and came out stronger?

    Hope things workout for this young girl starting a new phase in life with positive energy.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2018
  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    There are a lot of lessons to be learned out of this scenario explained by @Vedhavalli.

    1) The businesses don't do well all the time and a certain amount of financial planning is needed by those in business to protect the family. I am in a business for the past 16 years and I am 64 years old. I have done everything to protect my family even if my business ceases to exist or something were to happen to me. If I were in the shoes of this parent, I would have set aside similar amount for both daughters when the first marriage happened.

    2) None of the children have a financial claim from the parents as to how much they need to spend on their weddings. They have given education to the children, if they need a lavish wedding, they need to work themselves to make it happen. The younger daughter needs to understand that her wedding problem is created by herself and not by anyone else. It is unfair to give that kind of pressure to a parent especially when they have a business that is not doing so well. How good is her education if she didn't understand the circumstances of her parents? It is sheer greed to demand the same level of gifts as her older sister especially when the bridegroom's family is not demanding them.

    3) Whatever parents did for the wedding is out of love for their child and hence it is a gift and not an obligation to give. Therefore, the older daughter needs to reciprocate that love by getting actively involved along with her husband in the wedding of the younger sister and do everything possible to make that wedding happen smoothly. It could be either in the form of financial help or assumption of debt to be paid in future.

    Viswa
     
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  3. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    If same amount was set aside, does it buy the same amount of gold now as 7 years ago?
    What is not addressed here is that - They won't be able to do exactly the same after 7 years with the same amount of money.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2018
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  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    If that amount of money was invested in a fixed deposit or similar thing over a period of 7 years then why not?
    For example if 10 lakh rupees is invested in a private bank as FD for 7 years, then at maturity the sum would be 15-17 lakh..
    FD as re investment is a good idea as that amount would be locked and untouched.,
    or else the same amount of gold ,I.e 60 sovereigns could have been purchased separately for second daughter also, Maybe at the time of first daughter s wedding or soon after when business was still going well...either as gold coins or jewellery and kept safely in a locker for future use.
    So many people of my family and friends circle buy gold jewellery when their daughters are still in their teens, as gold rates keep increasing..and they keep safely for wedding purpose. Or they divide their existing and ancestral gold jewels equally among all children.
    A little planning by parents, and little gratitude and common sense shown by children wouldn't have caused this mess...
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    :laughing: Logic :thinking:
     
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  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Isn't it about time to ditch the gold and big weddings? Instead save the money for children's health, buying a house, education and for a secure retired life?
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    True..that would be the sensible thing to do..
    Even if they do save for wedding, it can be done in a very simple way with just close family and friends..if the money set aside for wedding expense is just gifted to the married couple they can use it as a down payment for buying their own home, would ease their financial burden of paying housing loan..far more useful than a 2-3 day affair of finery and heavy food and celebrations that everyone will forget in some days Or months.
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Topaz49,

    Most crucial words in my response was "financial planning". When I said I have done everything necessary to protect my family after my life or for their future, being in the business for 16 years, apparently, I didn't assume that they could live with what I could spend 16 years back.

    Financial planning includes assumption of inflation and discounted cash flow planning, appropriate setting aside of funds for savings in the form of investment allocation, emergency funds, collegiate education funds, marriage funds, etc. If they could afford to spend so much money for the wedding of the first daughter, they should have also done great financial planning for the second daughter as well.

    Of course, I consider the second daughter demands as unreasonable as well.


    Viswa
     
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  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Needtobestrong,

    That is precisely what I see happening in many families that I know. Investing in gold ahead of the wedding and utilizing some ancestral gold are the ways people conduct weddings. I have a son studying in the US and when he was in the school, knowing fully well that I was in a business and anything could go wrong in the business, I set aside $100,000 for his boarding and lodging (he got Bright Future Scholarship for the undergrad and later worked as Research Assistant to have his college credit fee waived) @$25,000 per year. I didn't worry his education for 4 years despite fluctuation in the business. After that, he earned enough to support himself.

    I could have asked him to take a student loan but I didn't want him to start his life with a big debt hanging above his head. Moreover, I don't like too much debt either.

    Viswa
     
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  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Looking at the squabble, either don't have kids or STASH piles of money (before having the kids) 1 or 2 or 3 depending on how many children one plans to have:))
     
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