Who Is Right , Who's Wrong? Siblings Rivalry

Your post looks one sided to me, as though you are siding with DD2 here. Not sure whether I am right in my judgement though.
See... DD1 didn't extracted everything from parents, but the parents willingly gave everything to her when they had everything that time.
So, it is not right to blame DD1 for that.
In fact, she is not seem to be cribbing about the educational cost which parents obviously spent much more on DD2.

On the other hand, her visit to her parents' place is irrelevant to this topic here. DD2's recent arguments and expectation from her not-so-wealthy parents (as of now) has got nothing to do with her sister's visit to her parent's home. Let's deal this matter separately.
DD1 would have obviously felt inconvenient to visit or participate in such arguments DD2 creates with parents right now.

Now DD1's request for her and her husband's expenses for dresses seems artificial to me.
When such a huge problem is going on between parents and DD2 on the matter of money, where DD1's grand wedding is already beaten to death, I wonder whether she could ask such a petty thing from parents, knowing their status.
Perhaps it is an added drama of DD2 to further degrade DD1.

Seems DD2 is utterly jealous of her sister, and unnecessarily competes with her. Her insecurity, or low self esteem or whatever.. something is not right with her.
If you are in touch with this family, you must do something to clear DD2's corrupted head first. The rest will fall in peace.

 

I agree on both the points with SGBV as quoted above; but,
"As for educational cost which parents obviously spent much more on DD2" - DD2 was smart enough to get into BDS and if DD1 had chosen BDS, parents probably would have paid for it. She chose something different. There is nothing DD1 can gripe about.

It is possible that DD1 is avoiding the drama. It is not her fault what parents gave to her or how they performed the wedding. BTW, it is parents spent their rightful wealth that they worked for. When they had they spent "THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY" and they don't have it now. No one has the right to DEMAND. DD2, go ahead and make your money.

 

It is 2018 ! Two educated independent women are fighting over spending their old retiring parents hard earned money . Both of them are wrong and the parents are plain unlucky. I am raising my boys so they grow up well equipped to take care of themselves and independent enough to not expect any financial gain from their aging parents. Only time will tell if I am a lucky mother.

 

I would view this a little differently, forgive my harshness.
The fault of course is heavily on the parents - afterall they have raised children who can be so materialistic and selfish. The girls have no sense of self respect , no pride in their independence. That is such a shame!

While educating their children, and giving "values" they should have taught them that as parents it is their duty and responsibility to nuture and raise children as capable , cultured human beings who can take care of themselves and the people around them . Anything above that is a bonus and their wish. No demands. you want it, you earn it. There is no rule or law that demands that a parent do equally for both children - it is their hard earned money, they do what they wish. Period. ( not talking about inherited wealth)

To have brought up a child and made her capable of being financially independent and arranging her marriage is not easy. To have her demand a gold which will be stashed away in a locker while her parents will have to take loan for it and pay interest to fulfil her wish is "atrocious".

And this DD1 who wants xxx amount for her and her family clothes for the marriage, you say. Sorry I cant think highly of people who beg even if it is in the guise of demand/tradition in this day and age.

Sigh! Marriages are supposed to be happy occasions , which builds bonds, or so they say

 

I think you are being biased with DD2 here without knowing the other side of the story from DD1.
DD2 is merely satisfying her immature ego and for that she is degrading DD1.
DD1 didn't demand from her parents for her wedding unlike DD2
DD1 not visitng home frequently may have multiple reasons-
- restriction from her dh and in-laws or
-no time or her avoiding to be part of DD2 wedding drama or
-her insecurity of whether her parents n DD2 may emotionally blackmail her into parting with her jewellery, etc.

Her not visitng home frequently has got nothing to do with sudden emerging demands from DD2!
Definitely someone is either putting sh!t into her head or she is just purely materialistic immature and egoistic woman!.

-Regarding DD1 demanding money for her and her DH's clothes for wedding, I think this is fabricated by DD2...it maybe half true or not even truth.

-Usually, when there is wedding at home, new clothes are gifted to family members and relatives. If DD1 is married, parents usually gift the daughter and son in law in wedding. So here it might be that DD1 would have thought to herself buy for her and her dh on her parents behalf.
But though the question is when there are debates, accusations going on about expenses for wedding and comparisions between DD1 and DD2 wedding, at this time DD1 demanding money seems undigestable unless she too like DD2 is selfish and cares only about money/gifts/materialistic.

There is definitely more to this story than what the DD2 is cooking up in her small mind!

DD2 is a shame....what kind of woman andadaughter she is...that too being a qualified dentist!!!...dentistd can earn so well....how can she be so materialistic and burning all the relations!!
I feel pity for her parents.

 

i think sg topaz sunpa pinky etc r quite right ...just few point i wd like to add up
1. i think it is NOT entirely the issue of 'wedding expenses' alone . r u familiar with their upbringing and interpersonal relationship...it highly probable that DD2 feels that she has been the 2nd choice /least favorite of the two sisters. may be its DD2's perception (if its true or not only members/close relatives know) ..and this wedding incident is the 'last nail in the coffin' . if this is the case and if she still loves her parents then she shd sit with her parents and pour her heart out n tell them that -inspite of all the ill treatment i will stand with u in ur misfortune but now onwards i expect u to treat me equally .
but in case ... if DD2 cant find that much love for her parents then
1 . she should continue to treat the relationships as financial deals.. think that it was just a bad business move and just cut your losses n move on ...
2 . at least education wise dd2 hs better deal from her parents ..so she can earn more than her sister
3.tell the parents to make it up to her in the future ..wedding is not the end of life . in future they can compensate
all this realtionship mess can be a result of one of these - 1 parents biased favouritism towards one daughter
2 - daughters's materialism /selfishness / money mindedness due to bad upbringing or sibling rivalry or whatever
daughter/s need to introspect and solve this by sitting down with parents and resolve it once and for all.

 

It seems DD1 took all gold silver , expensive items and car and settled happily .. now she doesn't care that her parents have financial issues . Why does she needs anyone's permission to maintain regular contact and care of her parents ? So busy she is it seems .. such ungrateful daughter-a shame really!
Why can't she return some of her gold and silver to help her parents ?? Afterall it's bought by her parents money not hers . I'm not saying gifts are to be demanded back , but when her own parents are suffering financially , DD1 should have the heart to help her parents . Her keeping quiet is a big shame . In this day and age, does she need husband's permission to call her parents regularly ? Utterly ungrateful .

Both daughters seem interested in looting parents. I feel so sad to think of their plight really . A well-wisher should advise them properly regarding their future savings and planning .. and talk to BOTH daughters to look after parents problems instead of their own false entitlements .

 

We already have Parents-wrong, and Children-wrong responses. I think no one is wrong. The family has a Karma that makes this impending happy-event become unsavory with all the recriminations. They will all get what is coming to them. The only people who'd have fun at the impending wedding event would be the invited non-relatives. If some recrimination or argument spills over to cause a public spectacle, what with everyone carrying smartphones these days, the drama will be recorded for posterity, and passed on to the future generations.

 

just want to vent...parents shd hv given the money to some orphans instead of these ungrateful brats ..at least they wd hv bn grateful forever ...anyway, @Vedhavalli ...there is no more advice left for the ungrateful materialistic spoiled daughters ...only one advice for their unlucky parents ...pls tell them to invest whatever money is remaining in some solid bonds ...cuz thats the only thing which will help them in future....sorry

 

Op....I think all parties are wrong at some level.

1) parents for not inculcating better values in their children. They also spent far more than required just to show off the first time .Sensible people don't do what they did.

2) The elder daughter for being an ingrate sponge who still demands more.

3) The younger daughter who seems more emotional than sensible.

I feel there is no point appealing to the better sense of the elder one. She is a selfish woman unnecessarily interferring in something that is none of her business.

The younger emotional daughter is the one people should talk to.

Make her understand that the elder daughter's interference and reasoning is wrong and that they value her as much.

Do the parents own some property that they can will to the younger daughter after their passing away ?

They can assure her that she will get her due later on and ask her to have a simple wedding that will not put unnecessary strain on the parents. Also she should be the one taking their responsibility in later life as she will be getting the property.

They should also tell her that she is a working woman and they will probably be there for giving her emotional and physical support when she needs in future to help her in her career.

I feel once parents make her understand....the elder one will start visiting and talking.

I feel the parents should try to keep good relations with the younger one. She may be emotional and feeling upset because of the elder sister's unnecessary interference. Once she understands that her parents are invested in her wellbeing emotionally , she will relent.
Another plus point is that her in laws seems to be good people who want to share wedding expenses.

Under no circumstance should they transfer any property to anyone . They should only make an offer to will. Will can be changed any time if the children don't behave well.

I am siding with the younger one because she was understanding till the elder one started her drama.
She also seems to be blaming the sister more than the parents.

If I am wrong about the younger one ....then they should tell her to take what is being given or lump it.
Parents did not have a commitment to offer expensive goodies to either one. They educated them,that is enough.