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Who Is Right , Who's Wrong? Siblings Rivalry

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Vedhavalli, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    When misfortunes fall on you, wedding funds are not a priority. So I do not blame the parents. They did not compromise on their daughter's education.

    Dd2 must understand the current situation. Be happy about her education and that her fiancee and family like her for her and not for what she is bringing. A good relation is what is priceless. Hope her career takes off and she can buy whatever she wishes.

    Some wise third person needs to talk to this girl and bring her to senses.

    If the elder daughter can generously gift her sister that would minimize some rift.
     
    sindmani, Vedhavalli and vaidehi71 like this.
  2. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    All those blaming the parents put yourself in their shoe. Even if they had equal funds for both daughters when financial crisis crops up, it is natural to dip into less critical, non-emergent funds. They might have even thought that they could replace it as situations get better.

    Had their family situation gotten better and she gets more than her sister would she say no to that.

    I don't know how parents can raise more empathetic, less selfish children.
     
    SGBV, vaidehi71 and Lalithambigai like this.
  3. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Clearly this second DD is at fault here.

    When the family is financially doing good, it is obvious that they spend lavishly on their first DD's wedding. After all, that would have been the first grand function happened in their home, so it is very much understandable.
    It doesn't mean they have done that at the cost of their second's DD's wedding. In fact, I could assume they must have had enough to spend for their second DD, had she got married around the same time.

    But, with all these unfortunate happenings in their life and business in this 7 years, obviously one could imagine how much funds would have been left in their savings to do her second DD's wedding the same way.
    No one would keep their savings and get loan from outside when their business sucks. It is natural to utilize your savings first before taking any loan.
    And it is natural to hope the business would prosper today or tomorrow or oneday.. and with that hope only people invest in their business from their savings.

    7 years is a long time, and you can't expect everything to be the same as it happened 7 years back.

    The younger sister must be thankful for her parents for taking steps to educate her.
    She is a working independent woman, who thankfully has a would-be H and in laws who don't demand anything from her.
    She should be happy about it.

    Solution:

    1. Some 3rd person to speak with this second DD and put some sense to her
    2. The elder DD to see if she could extend some financial support to her DD to convince her as well to make her parents happy during this time of crisis. She could do this as thanks giving to her wonderful parents.
    Hope her H and in laws won't mind this. Anyways, it is hers, and it was gifted by her parents only. So, she could take some risk here to return the happiness she received from her family back on her wedding day.
    3. The parents to see whether they could provide more to her second DD as and when their business prosper in the future.

    But more importantly, this parents should start saving for their retirement. Looks like both the DDs are selfish, and they are only after money. It is dangerous depending on them during their ripe time.
     
  4. Stardust1990

    Stardust1990 Senior IL'ite

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    Girls these days aren't very keen on excessive gold jwellery or kgs of silver they never get to use.The second DD is just offended as she thinks her parents are giving her less as they prioritize her less. It's more of a hurt ego than money here. She is most probably not at all interested in money and just feels she is not being treated equally.. The first DD is not helping the case here by being silent. All required in this situation is some open discussions and understanding.I truly believe issues like this will resolve itself with just good behavior and mutual respect of ppl involved. It's necessary to find out why the second DD started fighting about it suddenly
     
    sindmani, nakshatra1 and shravs3 like this.
  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Here both parties are at fault. The parents had 2 daughters and must have sense that they shud be able to spend equally on both girls. Its not question of daughter demanded or not. Its the right thing to do . But then how many parents do the right thing nowadays. The fav kid always get the maximum cut.

    We all need to ask the most obvious question . How are the parents with both daughters. Meaning is the elder daughter the fav one. Then the expense can be justified. There is more to it than the post. Is the younger one the envious one. Is she vain or who is selfish? If its her personality then nothing can be done but try to tell her that she has to adjust to the wedding which is process and will be duly compensated given time. Give a detailed description of say 20 lakhs was spent on elder sister's wedding so if 10 on younger , she will be given 10 lakhs later on . Tomorrow it shudnt come to parents filling a bottomless pit to younger daughter becoz marriage was done to less expenses.

    Unless as mentioned before , somebody is influencing the younger daughter, the girl seems to be selfish. No other daughter wud demand same wedding as elder sister seeing parents condition. If she had gone ahead , her parents wud have held her higher regard and duly compensated later by many folds. Either she is easily influenced or she is selfish . The parents need to think of all this and decide. Good Luck.
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Gold & silver price 7 years ago was lower as compared to the gold price today.

    60 soverign gold, 5 kg silver 7 years ago may almost equal in value to 30 soverign gold, 1 kg silver now?

    “First younger sister said, I don't want anything as family's business isn't doing good.”

    Younger sister should count her blessings for being a dentist and she has the potential to earn. She is lucky to get a nice alliance(family) that they are willing to share 50% of the expense.

    True, parents could have planned better as they had two daughters. That does not give the RIGHT to DEMAND the way she does. Parents earned the money through their business and hard work. TECHNICALLY, it is their money and they have right to spend the way they see fit. She should be thankful they gave her a good education and she should work hard and make her own money.

    Solution: Younger sister – get over it and move on.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2018
    Laks09 and peartree like this.
  7. friendabc

    friendabc Silver IL'ite

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    wow wow ...amazing ...and i used to think that relationship (at least with parents and siblings) is greater than gold silver ....even though i totally agree that the 2nd girl shdhv got the exact same amount and the parents made a mistake ...but i m totally shocked at the behaviour of both girls ...they dont give a damn abt their parents (i m assuming that the parents hd already asked the elderone for help) ..the elder girl dsnt care abt her parents's misfortune ..she cd hv bn generous enough to share a little bit of "extra" money she got ...but it seems she dsnt give a damn abt her parents and sibling...similarly the little one could hv agreed for a simpler wedding but she also dsnt care abt parent's debt and misfortune ...now a days it seems money is everything ..relationships dont count
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  8. friendabc

    friendabc Silver IL'ite

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    believe me these two girls wd totally shun their parents when /if they need phycial care ...there is no parent- children
    bonding here. i dont know whom to blame since we dont know about their family realationships paradigm ...whether the parents hv bn unloving /cold hearted towards children ..or if these girls r totally money minded and dont give a damn abt relationships.
    assuming that the parents were not cold ... these girls shd be ashamed of themselves . parents shd explain the reality to the younger girl , ask the older one to be generous enough to contribute and if both of them dont listen then let them go (to hell :smash2:) ....its better to spend on a loyal dog rather than spending on such money hungry weasels
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you all for pouring your hearts...
    Both parents and daughters are responsible.
    I spoke with DD2, I openly asked her why are you behaving like this?
    She said, it's because of her sister, who stopped coming home and no frequent calls to parents n sis. Normally dd1 will be at parents place on Every weekend.
    Dd1 is super smart I think, she extracted whatever she could. Dd2 gifted dd1 kid with gold as niece. DD1 never reciprocated same affection she often hinted you're BDS earn well, why should parents spend on your wedding. Talks went to argument , then fight broke out. After the bitter fight only DD2 is asking, I'm no less than her.
    Inside her heart, she loves her parents and know the economic condition of the family. But her ego is hurt with sisters behavior.
    Few elders are pitching in. Every one is blaming DD2 not DD1. Dd1 is silent and opportunist , why she would suddenly stop coming to parents home and less calls only formal talks . Didn't help parents during engagement or wedding shopping. But asked xxxxx amount for dress for her and her husband, for sis wedding.
     
  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Irrespective of what DD1 did or not do, DD2's action will result in sadness and financial difficulty on her parents whom you claim she loves. Those elders must advice the parents as the DD2's in-laws are paying 50% of the cost, they cannot afford to gift anything to DD1 or her hubby.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2018
    sindmani, yellowmango and shravs3 like this.

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