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Who Got Narcissistic Spouse.. Their Traits And Dealing Strategy??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SimplelLife, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    As the title suggest who else are dealing with a narcissistic spouse. In my cas Though he does not have any diagnosis but he matches with most of the traits.. threats .. blame game .. grouping against.. gaslighting..trying to cornering .. mainting a good public image.. can’t take criticism.. superiority complex.
    Initially It was all confusing why does he has so many shades .. he was super good to me until I followed his wishes . Afterwards there are many stories. 2 days back he threatened me for divorce because I am. It taking sh** from his family.. yes he did it many times.. and I was like let’s go ahead and this will be the best decision we are taking together.. and you know what he got into his senses working 1 hr with a completely softer tone and wanted to talk. He has endless blames for me .. and I found the best strategy is a blame for a blame.
     
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  2. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Your husband's traits matches the traits of mine. Blame game, superiority complex, good guy image outside, behind closed door very bad emotionally abusive guy..

    Among other things, I saw that blaming for something totally ridiculous, something that he has obviously not done, works wonders. They are like..'wait, what?'...'what just happened'
    Blame and then do not back off from the blame, but leave the spot
     
  3. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    My ex was extremely narcissistic and he didnt change.... so he became my ex.
    Each one has to change themselves, other person cannot bring about the change.
    Dealing strategy etc wont work .. the partner should lead an independent life (in case of divorce or separation or roommate type of marriage). When they see a strong partner not intimidated by their empty threats they will in give and mend their ways.

    Narcissists only deal with weak, clingy, needy spouses successfully. I used to travel by myself, go to parties alone if he refuses to come, I used to assume he is bed-ridden and live my life. So during the end of my marriage he couldnt threaten and manipulate much because I was leading a total independent life in the same house.

    End of the day, you are your own support system. Husband's support is bonus only.
     
    ImHuman, shama146, Jagjag and 5 others like this.
  4. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Yes. He is emotionally abusive too.
    Clarification never worked with him for many years until I fount somewhere narcissistic personality traits and I feel this is completely him. I learn this blaming for a blame or before a blame from my co-sis and I feel how wonderfully she handled everyone just by blaming though I don’t start myself but when he accuse me I use this.
     
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  5. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Totally agree with you. He mended his way in campArision to his previous self. 2 days back he was telling me to make me feel like I am losing something saying see years back how good I was .. we were watching movies cuddling and everything, I told him everything has a phase and it just went past and I am fine with that . He could not made me needy .. that I need his that same attention and I can tolerate others things happening around for his old self. Their biggest fear is losing their own face in public.
    Few months back he threatens me that he will talk to my family that I was not talking to his parents . And I said ok it looks like a meeting so e am I need to call many people from your side relatives , obviously he knows if this happens then sh** will be spread from their part as well. And he was all normal.
    Tricks no 2 .. if you have a narcissistic spouse be in good relation with his relatives and friends.
     
    ImHuman, AmulB and hermitcrab like this.
  6. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    You might want to watch this to get a better understanding about what you are dealing with



     
  7. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    But after end of the day what I strongly feel that what I am doing with my child .. will she be like one of him or will I turned into other version of him. Are we growing up
    Another narcissist
     
  8. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks
    Will surely do. Honestly I feel like I don’t have to deal with this now. I can do this effortlessly. It was a rough time back then.and luckily I got a co-sis who complement their clan. Now I just say anything about family related issue .. ohh I am not doing .. ok .. please let your good daughter in law do it.
     
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  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    totally true! their worst fear is that people will see their true colors

    Definitely, be on a lookout for situations which will give away their true self. In case of such situations, let the truth prevail.

    Great you have a feisty co-sis. But be aware, she will not fight your battles. She can easily throw you under the bus. But for now, if it is working in your favor, great, enjoy the ride
     
  10. SimplelLife

    SimplelLife Silver IL'ite

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    She already did that .. they all grouped against me but later she revealed her true color that she is no ones friend.
     
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