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Who does cooking during inlaws visits?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pman16, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    During inlaws visits, is it better that we cook for the entire family ( 2 additions MIL/FIL) or shd we hand over the kitchen to the lady? The ideal win-win situation is to help each other but it might not happen:hide:. How do you ladies manage the cleaning/washing/dishwasher when inlaws are around? Are you the same or become extra alert?We get up late during weekends and cannot imagine getting up early and cooking indian b/fast?Even if i do, will they appreciate it or find faults?
    If i cook for everyone, she should not be thinking im not giving her a chance to cook her fave food for dh. At the same time, if i allow her to cook i dont want her to be telling people that bahu is making her do all the household work.

    Dont say best option is by talking it out, as we dont talk to each other:bonk.hhhmmm...a dumb -n-deaf movie! Dh is the only connecting link:biglaugh:biglaugh
    Suggest some ideas.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
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  2. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    My MIL gave up cooking about a decade ago. In her late 50s she decided she was too old to do any work. My SILs also have the same opinion that their mother is too old to do anything. In India she is totally dependant on servants. Here, I do all the work. She never offers to cook. But she offers to cut vegetables which I refuse. In fact, I refuse all the help from her.
    whatever little she does have sorry consequences like she ruined all my non-stick ware just serving food from them. It's hardly any help anyway. She spreads the laundry in the sun without turning the clothes inside out and I am always worried about the color fading. She folds the clothes so untidily that I have to do it all over again.
    Anyways if I let her do anything, she and the SILs crib that I am not looking after her and making her work. If I don't let her do anything, they crib about that too. So, the thing is whatever we do we are always going to be bad DILs.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    aaah my worst nightmare of all the time...reason...during my inlaws first visit ..as they wanted to go out in the evening (being bored through out the day as me and my husband both went to work), my husband suggested that my inlaws cook dinner and we both come back from work and all of us go out in the evening for site seeing..(yes, during working days also..as their visit was a short one!)...they readily accepted...ofcourse it doesnt mean i didnt do anyhting...on and off I used to make all my specialities and weekends i used to take it over completely...

    I didnt make much fuss on what was cooked, how the utensils are used or how much is being cooked...or how neat/dirty the kitchen turns out after all the cooking what so ever..I didnt have any complaints on them....

    But after they went back to India, as usual my fav. friend, i.e my FIL left no stone unturned..every chance he used and every call he had with my husband he used to complain that even when we came to visit you...your wife didnt cook, she didnt care for us, we were cooking and feeding you guys...

    First of all...did i ask them to cook? no...if their son suggested it to them (thinking all of us would save time on cooking and if everything is ready we can go out for evening outing...) is it my fault??? if I say no I wont allow them to cook, again its a big issue..they would say your wife doesnt treat us properly..she treats us like some outsiders...didnt let us enter in the kitchen or cook something for our own son...So because I accepted whatever their decision was..now again the fault is mine because it seemed to them I was running away from cooking for them..!! God...any idea what would make them happy? because if I say YES its a problem..if I say NO...then also its a problem....

    Above all....in the name of dinner...she used to cook lil quantities..I never took lunch box all the time when they were cooking dinner usually i cook more for dinner and next day pack lunch for both of us..I used to starve myself as there was no cafetaria in my office and I had no car to go out during lunch and I was also pretty new to my office...(all I had survived was on the milk I had in the morning)and for their son as he used to go home for lunch as his office is near by again they used to cook lunch separately and all 3 of them used to have lunch together......I was thinking on how to manage myself without hurting or pointing on them ..and it turns out they have lots to complain about...


    My suggestion would be...pls do not hand it over totally..even if they cook something also...dont be too formal or too accomodative...if you want to make something go ahead and cook for yourself...but I started thinking..if someone has to pick on you..they would no matter whether we say yes/no to them....might be we just have to accept that point and let them do what they want to and let it go...
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  4. rosenav

    rosenav Silver IL'ite

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    When ever MIL visits she does the cooking and I happily let her do that.

    Nothing can beat mom's food .. and my DH enjoys it and i get off kitchen so its win-win for me. I do help her with dishes and cutting vegs and all.
     
  5. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

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    True SV, i think its better dh asks her and gives her an option. Ofcourse, during the jet lag period i will cook for them and i dont mind it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  6. divs

    divs New IL'ite

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    Don't have a response to this because mine have never visited so far.

    But was just wondering if any of your husbands assist you with the cooking during your IL's visit? If yes, how have the ILs reacted to it?

    Divs
     
  7. luckybychance

    luckybychance Senior IL'ite

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    i can't say anything...because my IL's never visited us so far...
     
  8. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Ladies,
    This is so tricky situation and most of the times we try for Win-Win but ends up at Win-Lost, but moderately winning at times. For the first two times I thought they came to visit us and takes care of us. But to my surprise, lot of complaints she made to my mom, so from then on I took the charge and do whatever I can for their breakfast,lunch and back home to prepare dinner in the night. My inlaws just sits or watches TV or book reading etc ......till we are back to home. What she does throughout the day is just to feed lunch for my 2 years old kid. Apart from that, I do entire work during their stay. Ofcource they have all rights to cook whatever they want. But as she desperately looking for rest or just want to have a change food, so she hardly does anything. So, bottomline, they come her to enjoy their vacation,not to take care of us.
    For working woman, definitely it will be a extra burden no doubt!!!!!!!!
     
  9. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

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    Friends,

    Do you all stock up some ready made food during such visits? Or is it daily cooking from the scratch?
     
  10. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    I have very bad experience....
    when they visit here they are here to enjoy vacation so MIL wont do any cooking..no help at all. However when we visit India I have to work in kitchen because MIL need rest from her routine life :)
     

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