Who died and made samsung god?

meenasankaran · Apr 5, 2016

I have half a mind to sue Samsung. The nerve of that company!

Before I bought their S5 phone, I was riding my moral high horse with the confidence of one who had spent a lifetime doing it. I had almost perfected the art of looking down my nose. If you don’t believe me, just ask my daughters. As the lucky recipients of my daily lectures, they can and WILL attest to it.

In the days before their S5 smartphone, the minute one of my daughters sat down to peruse her phone, I would set my work aside to go sit with her and begin my lecture gently. I would start by pointing at the window saying how there is a beautiful world outside that is waiting for her attention. Please note that at this juncture, I would sport a soft smile. Then boom! I would switch tactics and with a stern face, give a grim warning that blindness is inevitable if she continued to glue her eyes to the little screen. This tactic throws children off their rhythm and is most effective.

Anyway, gone are those days of moral surety and sweet lecturing. These days I am forced to walk everywhere with my phone all thanks to Samsung. Who died and made them God, I want to know. By carrying a phone myself, I have been made to forfeit one of my birthrights as a mother which is to lecture my kids. It is a hard blow indeed. One from which I have not yet fully recovered. I place the blame squarely (to the question 'why not circularly', I have no answers) on Samsung's head.

Samsung's S Health is a tracking app which keeps count of the number of footsteps that I take each day. Could there be any worse invasion of privacy? I strongly believe that a person’s footsteps are sacred and private to them. One must have the freedom to walk and not have the world know all about it. It is probably the only information Google didn’t have on me till recently.

This app not only adds up my steps, it sets goals for me too. The nerve of the company! Want to guess how many I am supposed to take each day? 10,000 steps.

Psssstttt! Get a life!

The grand total of my footsteps on the day that I discovered the app was a whopping 187. If I hang my head anymore in shame, it is sure to snap off my neck so I won’t bother.

So now what? Now I do what any Desi worthy of the name would do in these situations. I find loopholes and I cheat. I have started drinking buckets of water so I could make many trips to the little ladies’ room with the phone in my pant pocket. Each trip earns me a total of 18 steps. It may not sound like much but take 10 trips, it sure adds up. When I watched the counter climb up to 502 steps by 5 pm last Tuesday, I almost cried. Who would have thought I would cross 500?

Two days ago, when my kid passed by me with a load of washed laundry on her way to her room upstairs (climbing 17 steps in the process), I was sorely tempted to slip my phone in the laundry basket. If not for the law-abiding aka desi chicken gene in me, I would have walked away with 40 bonus steps that day. It may not have been technically mine but I don’t think we should get carried away with little details like that. The important thing is to watch the counter climb.

The other day, I was putting trash and recycling out at curb holding the phone between my teeth as there was no pocket in my pants. I never knew I could be so shameless and determined at the same time. Life teaches you all kinds of lessons.

Usually, I am not comfortable with the current social norm of greeting in gatherings. Every time we go to a party, there is a fresh epidemic of hugging. From best friends to general acquaintances, everyone wants a hug. I do my best in such situations though. I stand stiff like a tree in an embrace and do a ‘there, there’ kind of awkward pat on the backs of all those super-loving people. After S5, I am beginning to see the advantages of this hugging business. It gets me close enough to slip my phone in and out of active folks’ pockets and purses. This way, I get to relax in a chair munching the bajjis and pakoras while the active friends help my counter climb. If I can hug them, they can carry my phone. Friendship is a two-way street, you know.

Is your counter climbing?

Amica · Apr 6, 2016

@meenasankaran, I truly enjoyed your snippet.

meenasankaran said: ↑

Is your counter climbing?
Click to expand...

If I wasn't so hug-averse, it would skyrocket.

Viswamitra · Apr 6, 2016

Dear Meena,

I have been using that app for many years but never in million years, I would have tempted to write such a humorous snippet out of it. I understand your feelings when you don't get anywhere closer to the target steps. I remember the days, when my roof was changed, I was a very proud person not because my roof looked brand new but I was doing 25,000 steps inspecting the roof work.

I have the habit of walking every morning for 50 minutes to an hour and that gives me 6,000 steps easily and I need to do only 4,000 more through moving the garbage and recycle bin or move my clothes to laundry room or move around inside the house as many times as possible. But you are a genius to come up with an idea to put the phone in your daughter's laundry basket. That idea would have never come to me not because I am too righteous but because I am not as creative.

My wife bought a stationary bike recently and I got fascinated with it. Hence I increase my heart rate so often as and when I take a break from my work by using that bike 75 to 100 calories each time. The first think I checked was whether the app would count them as steps and thank God it did. Otherwise, I would end up walking plus do the bike ride.

I had a good laugh reading your snippet. But carrying phone in your pocket to the rest room is definitely not cheating as long as you are not increasing your steps by making baby steps intentionally to increase the count.

Viswa

jayasala42 · Apr 6, 2016

Only Meena Sankaran can instigate humour in whatever she creates.My Amma was so much interested in numbers.She knew exactly how many steps she had to take to go round each inner and outer prakaram of our temple, how many mts exactly it will take for a normal walker to reach the bazaar entrance and so on without any device.even in those days when people used to say cooking measurements by eye estimate-kan alavu)Amma knew how many rice granules a small tumbler will hold.She was an app herself.
Unfortunately all her talents were wasted in the kitchen and grinding stone.Her maths working sheet was cemented cow shed.Thank you Meena, your snippet brought back memories of our Dear Amma who was more than samsung.

Jayasala 42

superwoman09 · Apr 6, 2016

Enjoyed reading it immensely

knbg · Apr 6, 2016

Hi Meena,
Awesome as always post dear....
Made me walk to the kitchen, fill water in the bottle and back to my station now....

shobhamma · Apr 6, 2016

Super Snippet @meenasankaran

Of course foot counts are most private . I am glad i am not so pious as to bow to Shri Samsung Bhagwan, and am mobile illiterate to NOT use any unnecessary app.

But I do appreciate your innovative ideas to increase the counts! Little cheating is allowed.

Let your counter move on a Ferrari speed on its own!

twinklingstar · Apr 6, 2016

that was so hillarious maam...really i never thought that speedometer can bring up such posts...lol
actually even i have that gadget but not in mobile but separately which i fix on my kurti's neck. initially when i started using iwas walking just 150 steps a day as against 10000 steps i was feeling so ashamed of myself. than i gradually started increasing my steps and the STEPS i adopted to increase were really funny (as commented by my family..) i was walking while watching tv and dancing on stupid silent songs..dancing increased steps faster..lol.
also while cooking i use to walk round and round in kitchen and give a stir and again..same while making roties...hahaha i just gone mad at that time and doing all this still i was able to make just 8000... so i know what u must be going thur

brahan · Apr 6, 2016

Wonderful narration. I had a fitbit app and used to participate on week challenges with my friends. Beyond a point i was too much concerned about winning that challenge , that all i used to do in a day was to walk, walk and walk ..One particular day i had even walked 38000 steps.YES!!!

That was the point my DH saw my recent mania and STOPPED me as it was affecting my health.

twinklingstar · Apr 6, 2016

twinklingstar said: ↑

that was so hillarious maam...really i never thought that speedometer can bring up such posts...lol
actually even i have that gadget but not in mobile but separately which i fix on my kurti's neck. initially when i started using iwas walking just 150 steps a day as against 10000 steps i was feeling so ashamed of myself. than i gradually started increasing my steps and the STEPS i adopted to increase were really funny (as commented by my family..) i was walking while watching tv and dancing on stupid silent songs..dancing increased steps faster..lol.
also while cooking i use to walk round and round in kitchen and give a stir and again..same while making roties...hahaha i just gone mad at that time and doing all this still i was able to make just 8000... so i know what u must be going thur
Click to expand...

err.....in hurry i typed pedometer as speedometer....this is sign of multitasking...