Whither Relationships?

Wonderful points and applies to both sides of parents!...I think we can agree that there are many of us who were not exposed to or exposing others to the side effects of MIL-DIL relationship or have come out of it with lessons firmly learned and this in a way makes us less judgemental or see both sides of a coin...If as a DIL i can take so why not you as a MIL...so no i do not think it is goody goody of you

Frankly there are true cases of these extreme behavior and i think it is justified to vent out if that is the case unless the MIL is incapable for health reasons and the family cannot afford help. Yes sometimes(or very rarely) two women can manage one kitchen or share their chores. As long as each of them have freedom and access to the kitchen there should not be a problem but it rarely happens

Yes. People seem to be interested in dissecting others comments rather than stating their opinion which is the reason why i state my reasons and come out of a thread if its going in all directions and read only those posts coherent enough and are really there to contribute to the topic.

I also agree with yellowmango about the thread on women contributing to a good marriage . I felt disappointed that after agreeing that men are a valuable addition to the forum they have not asked them to post their contributions to the marriage through a post. yes it helps to know what MILs and DHs expect from us but aren't they are also supposed to accept onus to the relationship with the DIL? If we really want to be fair and just both sides of the coin should be addressed. I appreciate your contribution and would not mind you adding what you expect from your DIL(and probably post both sides too in the original thread). Also i read your thread and except for the first point(Are you kidding me?waitingsmileyBoth me and DH do not have that good taste in selecting things for the house or clothes...if you still object i am ready to extend my interior design services to you for free) I agree with the rest and think it is applicable to the man too.

 

Satchi - Very well said. Sometimes when I read some threads here I can not understand why some one have to hate other person that much.

I just keep my self away from threads like that. I totally agree with what you have said about treating MIL,SIL's or anyone with little respect.

 

saw it's your thread and stopped by to read. i don't hang out on the MIL forums except if something interesting shows on the sidebar , so i have not read the thread, but i get the gist and absolutely agree with you.

 

satchi- I want to clarify what I said was based on my personality. If I was in a situation where my MIL was really like some of what I read- I don't mean annoying but just mean/ vicious or called my parents names or insulted them in any manner or anything serious like that- I would not have cared who it is- I would have given it back to her then and there. Not by being crude but by telling in no uncertain terms to back off or there will be consequences.

That being said, I realize many women do not have that support to be assertive and in most cases are helpless in their situation. My comment was about my situation.

 

Dear Satchi,

You are so right about being moderate in our words to describe other people irrespective of however bad the other person is. It is a big no no especially when it crosses the level of decency. I feel as an adult we have the responsibility to behave and treat others as we expect others to behave and treat us. Personally, I am comfortable if someone is genuinely affected by MIL problem and has no one else to share without impacting her life. There is a fine line between jovial comments to share a laugh with others Vs criticizing other women beyond the basic level of decency. Some rational thinking is needed before presenting something in an elite forum like this inviting members to comment. I don't mind emotions being presented without rational thinking as long as the post maintains acceptable level of decency. I tried to make this point before but without any success. You being such a popular writer in this forum, I am hoping it would bring some change.

Having said all that, as you pointed out in your post, let us not forget to address the genuine problems faced by some of the members even today. There are many DILs that are still facing problems whether they are younger or somewhat younger (See I am not using the word older with reference to women). In my opinion, Married Life and Relationship with in-laws forums are created to help each other by sharing information with fellow members. Each person's experience is unique and different. We have to apply a lot of patience and listening attitude to help them. I have read some of your comments in this section for couple of years and I very much appreciate your support to the genuine sufferers.

That is why I read your comments with open mind knowing how your heart melts for DILs who suffer in the hands of MILs. There are many women who are perfectly capable of handling such an ordeal without any help, while a few others have overcome that ordeal with the help of the husband or someone else. But there are a few who are still hurting and their cry should be heard carefully overcoming the noise that surrounds these forums.

Viswa

 

Hi Yellowmango: Oh no! Please don’t apologize. You did not hurt me at all. I sincerely appreciate your feedback in my other thread.
Yes, you will see many more threads in the next few days on that topic because of the deadline given by IndusLady.
Thank you for encouraging me to post. I request you to please give me some time to think about this. Also I have to recall how my MIL handled this. She is (was) my role model.
Take care and be happy

 

Hi Sats, my buddy

Thanks for encouraging me to post on behalf of MILs. I understand the need to bring balance.
However, I still strongly feel that I need to think about this- for compiling my notes and also to weight the pros and cons.

So let me take a break and when I think the time is right I shall surely come and post on behalf of MILs.

Besides I have to look back and bring out all the memories of my MIL whose very wise handling of herself and others endeared me to her.

Take care! Be happyl.

 

HI Vibha
Thanks you for your feedback.
Sats - I know this is your thread; sorry for hijacking it for this post.

Well the list I began to create is from recalling my MIL's behavior; I have adopted her as my role model and her methods my guide. i am a novice MIl. Still floundering. thank you for the assurance.

As for Induslady's request for wife's contributions to a marriage - I think this just the first level information for the e-handbook compilation. i have a gut feeling that in the upcoming weeks she is going to request husbands role, MIl, role, etc.

She can only make changes one step at a time. Please be a little patient and see how she moves forward.

Thank you for your feedback on my thread on the marriage tips. I am glad you find that they are applicable to men too. That was my intention when I first wrote it.

The first point is my favorite and rump-card.

Best wishes.